I with others who say don’t respond - silence says more than words ever could. I do agree that it’s strange when someone suddenly stops responding to you when you’ve been conversing though, I had that with one guy recently and it left me scratching my head.
That’s actually a good point; it happened to my husband when he was online dating - he went on a meet-and-greet with a woman who had kids that she was hiding from him (he wasn’t interested in single moms, either). Yeah, the “foot in the door” didn’t happen; the “I’m never contacting this big, fat liar again” did.
I used to ignore profiles I had no interest in, or ones that were obviously cut and paste mass mail outs. Then one fellow sent a message making a slightly off colour (but not offensively so) comment in regards to (a Simpsons reference, what else?)[in] my profile. He didn’t ask a question or tell me anything about himself. The next day I got a “Why you didn’t write back to me?” I responded that he hadn’t actually given me anything to answer. The repartee continued.
Ummmm, he’s been living with me for three years, is my son’s defacto stepdad, and is currently at home washing dishes. Yay me!
(Oh and he originially said he doesn’t date women with kids, because a) where there are kids there is peanut butter and he hates peanut butter (me too) and b) he doesn’t like to hurt kids by getting attatched and leaving. He’s STILL here in my peanut butter free home)
I just had that happen. A few weeks back I started emailing back and forth with a girl (the one I mentioned up thread). We only went back and forth a few times, then…nothing. She just stopped. After the last one I received, I sent my reply, then I sent one more question, then I sent one more email that said I enjoyed talking to her and if she’s still interested she can send me a message here or at my email address*. Nothing. Yesterday I sent her one more, just for kicks, and she replied back right away (and asked for my phone number), said she’s been really busy. I’m not sure what to make of it since she’s typically online for an hour or so a day, but I suppose she could have just meant she was too busy to meet someone. I assume she was talking to someone else.
*I sent her my email address on the off chance that her subscription lapsed and she couldn’t send messages, she’d have that.
From what I understand, some women get such an overwhelming number of messages it is really impossible to reply.
But where this isn’t the case, it is nice to say “Thanks, but I don’t think we are a good match. Best of luck!”
If they write again, you can ignore them from then on.
When I did the internet dating thing, I would respond to any indication of interest, and in some cases would say why. I would tell the ones with egregiously lousy grammar/spelling/punctuation why I was turning them down, explaining that I expected some kind of effort to be make in a first contact situation. I told guys who included links that showed, er, graphic pictures of themselves that they clearly already have a love object, and would repeat back the measurements if they had been helpfully supplied, as in “Dear BigDick47, you clearly already have a love object; it’s eight inches long and three inches in circumference. I’ll leave you to it.” I’d also point out if this was a repeat of what was obviously a spam to all females of a given age and geography, or if there was something compelling in our profiles that made us obviously mutually incompatible, such as someone with “4Jesus” in their user name while I clearly stated that I was an atheist. I honestly viewed what I was doing as helpful feedback. I was taking it seriously, and I expected anyone who emailed me to be taking it seriously (as in, at least giving it a little thought before emailing). It was never my intention to be cruel, and I only ever got one angry response, that from a “4Jesus” guy who, when I pointed out I was an atheist and didn’t think there was any potential under the circumstances, sent back a profane insult. Funnily enough, the same guy sent out another mass mailing several weeks later. I replied, pointing out we’d been here before, I still didn’t think there was any likelihood of a relationship, and what he had said in response to my earlier email. He actually apologized very nicely for his earlier response.
For guys who were simply not interesting to me because of diverging interests or something along that line, I would send them a polite thanks but no thanks note. FWIW, I never was stalked, nor did I get whiners begging to know why. I had a number of dates, and ended up making one very good friend, although we never did work well as a couple.
Male here. I usually sent a letter just reading “I’m flattered by your interest, but I don’t really think we’re a good match.” If it looks like a great match, but I didn’t find the women on the other end attractive, I’d make up a little white lie; “I just started dating someone” or something like that.
No, that distinction goes to me. Check out this e-mail I got a couple of days ago:
So did you know when you signed up that you were being shown to less attractive people?
I totally disagree. I wouldn’t use any site that limited your ability to contact someone directly. What’s the sense in making people jump through hoops, particularly if it’s not something like the eHarmony model where they’re completely in control of who you contact? Besides, I’m not sure what the big deal is if someone sends you multiple unwanted messages? You can just block them.
A guy sent me a GREAT email a week or so ago on OKCupid talking about a common interest that we have. There was nothing about that in his profile. Without the great email, I’m not sure if I would have been interested, particularly since he’s no great shakes looks-wise and I can be pretty superficial about that kind of stuff. I just don’t know if I would have winked back.
He’s cuter in person.
I got that e-mail too… and no they don’t tell you up front you’re not assumed to be attractive.
I too am dealing with a situation where I really hit it off with a woman on there… we were up until 3AM talking on the phone (4 hours) actually just last week. Since then though, it’s been kind of mixed signals. She’ll make statements implying that she’d like to meet (ie. “You should teach me how to play ____”), then turn around and say she’ll call me later - and not do it. She’s got me a bit off kilter, I’m not sure how interested she really is. I’m trying to just play it cool and see what happens… :dubious:
Have you ASKED HER OUT???
Think of it from her perspective: “Gee, I’ve been talking to this guy and I’m interested, so I keep trying to let him know that he should ask me to meet face to face. And he’s not doing it, so I doubt he’s too interested. I’ll play it cool and see what happens.”
(Yeah, I know she could ask you to meet herself, but social conditioning and all that.)
Not directly, I’ve given her openings though… like telling her I’m going for a walk in the park.
She said “I’ve always wanted to go there.”
I say “You’re welcome to join me any time.”
She said “Sweet.”
I was actually planning to ask her out when she was to call me the other night - and then she didn’t call. So now I’m confused. 
I’ve never used dating websites, but it doesn’t sound like you extended her a specific invite. You should have said “I’m going for a walk in the park, would you like to join me?” You gave her an open-ended invite that doesn’t sound like you even want her there.
^^^ Agreed, on more than one occasion I dropped off because the guy didn’t ask me out, and seemed happy to just email back and forth. I just didn’t have anything more to say via email, and I would end up spending 15 minutes in the middle of the day thinking of something. So I just stopped writing.
Yeah I could have asked them out. Or I could have waited for the guy who was interested enough to ask for a real-life meeting, and I picked the latter.
Take some initiative, man. She’s probably as confused as you are PLUS as mentioned, has been socially conditioned to not appear aggressive or forthright. Contact her with a clear, specific invitation to something lightweight, casual and not a big time committment. (Coffee: good. Dinner @ Le Chez Fancy: not so good, at this point.)
Uh, right. Sure guys. If this chick has half a brain she knows what Macnbaish is implying. She’s either not interested and wasting his time or she’s a flaky scaredy cat when it comes to meeting people online… and wasting his time. That being said, being more direct couldn’t hurt. You have to be the pack leeeeder!
Alright, I’ll be more forward. I have a bad tendency to over-analyze, which makes me hesitate. At least I’ll know where I stand from her answer. :-p
This. Mostly because I know that I don’t like being ignored (though I’d rather be ignored than lied to – e.g, “we seem to have a lot in common but I’m just soooo busy right now”). I’ve only ever gotten one angry response to a polite form rejection, and I can live with that. It made for a good story.
Ask her what kind of pancakes she likes for breakfast.
Works every time.