Dating tips for short guys?

In My Humble Opinion
41

5’7", dating a man who’s within an inch or so of that. I’ve always found I tend to relate better to people I literally see eye to eye with.

Your height’s a fact of life, so get used to it. That’s not meant to be harsh; what every other woman here is saying, that self-confidence and comfort in your own skin is what women will find attractive, is exactly right. If, despite your own self-worth, a woman will turn you down because you’re short, she’s not worth pursuing anyway.

Forget elevator shoes. That’s a sitcom moment waiting to happen - you have a great date, you head back to your place, end up in the bedroom, the shoes come off, and… the laugh track kicks in. You’re not going to fool someone who ever sees you barefoot, so fugeddaboutit.

42

I’m 5’8" and a guy, so I’m not short short but I’m not a towering hunk of manmeat either. I’m usually self-conscious about my height but that’s because a lot of my friends are 6’0" and above so I feel smaller.

What I came in this thread to say was that I have a friend who’s 5’2" and he’s gotten the attention of more women than I have. One of his girlfriends was my height or maybe an inch taller. He has confidence and is really outgoing when he wants to be. As long as you’re confident and not worried about your height it shouldn’t be a problem. If it is a problem, you probably don’t want to be dating those women anyway.

43

5’4" here and I tend to like two kinds of guys: the ones built like armoires, and the petite ones. Olympic gymnasts tend to be tiiiiiiny and many heterosexual females find them attractive, at least while they’re on TV bouncing about (I’ve known girls who claimed that pixish Russky couldn’t be “as short as the banner says!”).

I had two HS teachers who were tiny: their nicknames were Ms. Tweety and The Great Smurf. He was and still is an ass who would abuse the students, focusing mostly on the tallest ones; she was very nice and many of us remember her fondly (she died a few years ago in a car accident). There was a question that had us wondering for years: who’s shorter, Ms Tweety or the Smurf? During a field trip to see a history exhibit, I found the answer.
Me: “Pst. Guys. The Smurf’s shorter.”
Other students: :dubious: “They’re standing together and they’re the same height…”
Me: “Look at their shoes. She’s wearing sneakers. His boots have high heels and the kind of shape that shows there’s a platform inside the foot part.”
We already knew he was insecure about his size, but wearing platforms screamed it out loud. Don’t, unless you’re going to a carnival or some such where it’s perfectly normal for anybody to wear them.

And as for surgery on the legs… please DON’T. Why risk your life for cosmetic surgery that won’t even look good?

44

I was happily married to a guy who was exactly my size for sixteen years.

What everybody else said, really. Going through with surgery is very vaguely creepy. Concentrate instead on getting a little muscle, and pay more attention to the way you dress. Don’t lie about your height on dating profiles. There are books for sale on Amazon on how to dress if you are on the shorter side.

As for the advantages of being short, well,
http://www.1growtaller.com/short-men-measure-up-in-athelitcs-longevity-love.html (site currently under construction; look at the site in Google’s cache).
Short men live longer and are generally better athletes.

In some industries, shorter men are in high demand and paid a higher wage because of the work; if a company makes large machines (boats, aeroplanes) that need work in cramped spaces (inside a plane’s wing, inside a double hull in ships), they need somebody who can work comfortably in those cramped spaces for a longer period of time. .

45

The bad kind. That procedure is used in cases of specific kinds of dwarfism, not on people who are just a bit short. Wernstrom5000, if you manage to find a doctor willing to do this, you shouldn’t let him.

I’m barely taller than you. I’m not gonna claim that being short is a thrill ride. When you hear women say “I really, really don’t care about looks… but he has to be taller than me”, it kinda stings. There are very few good solutions. Bulking up makes you look like a typical “bodybuilder to compensate for height”-guy. Adding a bit of mass isn’t bad, though, but that applies to men of all heights. Just don’t go overboard.

46

5’4" guy here. I don’t think height is a real dealbreaker much of the time. If you run into a rejection of “you’re too short” then just play the odds – move on and don’t worry about it.

(Crass punchline ahead) One time I went out with my neighbor and her sister-in-law. S-I-L is a foxy amazon, at least six foot. After spending a couple hours shooting the breeze and listening to her talk about her string of lousy boyfriends, she said, “Oh Dave, it’s too bad you aren’t six inches taller.” The barfly at the next table chimed in with, “It won’t matter when she’s on her knees.”

The real moral there is that listening attentively is a skill that cannot be over-utilized. I barely said anything other than a quip here and there, and the thought crossed her mind. I could have pursued and probably beaten the height objection with personality (It’s a complicated story why I didn’t).

If you think about it, aside from dancing, height doesn’t factor into many date activities at all. For the first couple dates, you’ll probably go to dinner, the movies or other things where you’re both sitting down.

I always like getting a second part-time job in boutique retail. It doesn’t have to be a fancy store, but maybe one of the smaller stores in the mall or something, not a Wal-Mart or Best Buy. Make a point to talk to customers, especially the ones that you find attractive and overcome your inhibitions (that’s not to say go crazy and ask everyone out, but get confident speaking to people you’d be nervous approaching otherwise). You might meet some cool people working there or they can hook you up with friends, too. I guess that applies to persons of any height, really.

Make sure you’re not slouching, short people can slouch too. Do the whole chest out shoulders back routine. If you act confident with your movements, it can become a kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I totally agree with the comment about ill-fitting clothes. Shirts labeled as “fitted” or “athletic cut” tend to fit me much better than ones marked “traditional” or regular. I used to be kind of conscious about clothes sizes and delude myself into buying 32 inseam pants and larger shirts, but then one day I sucked it up, and got some 30s and smaller shirts and realized that I looked much, much better. No one sees the labels anyway. Same with t-shirts, err on the side of them being snug rather than swimming in them.

As for working out, definitely think Bruce Lee rather than mini-Hulk. If you have trouble putting any bulk on, establish a well rounded workout and really focus on abs and forearms. People in the public will see your forearms way more often than anything else, so find some exercises to build and tone them.

47

When I date a guy I look for the following: a good sense of humor, likes cats, cartoons, and baseball, what music movies and tv he watches. I’d like him to be able to hold up his end of a conversation.

I don’t care if he wears glasses. I wear glasses too.

I don’t like extremely short hair, or use of chewing tobacco. I care that he isn’t a dick to the waitstaff at a restaurant or to the cashier at Publix.

48

Decent advice up to this point. Since you are so skinny, Wernstrom5000, you should really get fit (everyone looks better when they are healthy, and short dudes can get amazing definition); but this is the wrong way to do it. The core of the body is important, but focusing on your abs isn’t efficient usage of your time. Forearm strength is good, but you have no reason to emphasize them right now or you would already be doing so. Don’t get in your head that you need to “tone” anything, it’s a non-word that will confuse you and lead you to doing nonsensical exercises. If you decide that you do want to alter your physical appearance in a non-crazy way (though if the price is right I’d be willing to break your legs for ya), let me know what your goals are and I’ll do my best to help. Note that I am not a professional, I have just been doing research on my own quest to get in better shape; and I know how much it would have helped me if someone had cut through the majority of the bullshit that floats around regarding health. Also, don’t go into bettering your body only with the intention of scoring babes. If it doesn’t work, and you likely will convince yourself it’s not working, you will become disheartened and give up. If you want to get fitter, you will gain confidence when you do; and that will pay dividends far beyond what some muscles can offer. There are few things in life as empowering as taking over the ownership and responsibility for your life and body, creating a plan of action and following it, and then seeing the results. That change of attitude (which you sorely need IMO) will carry over with the women, believe me.

To answer the original question - “Dating tips for short guys?”: The same dating tips for anyone else apply to you. There is quite a bit of advice floating around on this board with the influx of nice guy threads; go do some reading and turn an honest eye to yourself. You’re a few inches shorter than the average man, you’re not an entirely different species.

49

I’m 5’1" and dated a guy who was my height. He was a great boyfriend.

I agree that dating shorter women might make you feel better psychologically, but I could always see through the guys who were attracted to me solely for my shortness. You need to find the right person for you, regardless of their height. As evidenced in this thread, there are plenty of women who look for substance first.

50

Short men aren’t necessarily less attractive to me than tall men. In fact, all my long-term relationships have been with guys under 5’7" (I’m 5’5"), and my current BF of three years is a slim-built 5’4" guy.

Short guys have tons of advantages:

  • you can kiss them for hours without getting a crick in your neck
  • you can gaze into each other’s eyes when dancing
  • everything fits in the proper places when you’re spooning
  • …actually, everything fits for lots of other horizontal activities too. :slight_smile:

What is unattractive about some short men is their constant insecurity about height (then again, insecurity as a whole is a turn-off as far as I’m concerned). Your height is only a problem is you allow it to be a problem.

First things first - skip the lifts or platform shoes, and forget about surgery. All those things just scream “insecure short guy”… instead, learn to present yourself confidently and assertively, and working on your self-image as a whole.

Aside from joining a gym to build your mass up a little, you might find a group like Toastmasters helpful - while their primary focus is on professional presentation skills, you’d be surprised how useful the same techniques can be in learning to present yourself with confidence in other areas of your life.

51

I’m not much taller than you, and fairly skinny. I’ve had no trouble getting into trouble with enough women in the last 15 years or so. Most have been shorter than me but two were taller. My last GF was a little taller than me, but it didn’t really bother her or me. (And when it ended I broke up with her in case you’re wondering.) As long as you’re strong and confident it probably won’t bother them either.

I’d say rather than dwell on your height, work on you, be happy with yourself. Don’t worry about things you can’t really change, like your height. Spend time pursuing hobbies and interests, hopefully ones that get you out of the house. Biking, hiking, gyms, local singles or charity organizations. See if you can meet women through your interests. And in spite of advice against workplace romance, work is a good place to meet people. Don’t be a dick at work and ladies will get the chance to see day after day that you’re a decent person.

52

Similarly, you could try:

a martial art or similar discipline like Aikido, Tai Chi, Judo, Taekwondo, Karate, Capoeira, Jujutsu, etc.
some kind of body-awareness thing like yoga, Alexander Technique, Feldenkrais Method, Rolfing, etc.
any of sport you like in which height or size doesn’t much matter, like soccer, swimming, golf, etc.

– in short, any physical activity that gets you using your body in ways that make you aware of it, at ease with it, and eventually proud of it.

53

Date hispanic women (primarily mexican). They’re used to short guys. Hell, I’m only 5’7" and currently live in a heavily mexican neighborhood and I feel like a giant!

Though mostly I’d say get over it. Height is out of your control.

54

Heh, my SO and I do the same. He’s 5’9" and I’m 5’7", but I also have short legs even for my height at around a 28 inseam. He says I drive in the fetal position and he has to move the car out of the midget position. I bitch about him being a long legged circus freak when he has the seat back to where I can barely reach the pedals.

55

Find things to do that you enjoy and that are interesting to you, that, once you’re involved in them, you’ll want to spend time with other people doing them, talking about the hobbies. If you find that, having done this, you are hanging around with a fairly low percentage of datable women, consider different hobbies. Go to your local community center and see what options there are for classes, lecture tours, camping trips, exercise buddies, restaurant tours, bridge clubs, the SCA, computer game players, anything that might interest you.

Be yourself, do interesting things that interest you, and you will find that people want to hang around you because of who you are, not what, or how tall.

56

I’m 5’6" and have the same problem in the dating department all my life. While you’ll always get the exceptions to the rule (especially on this site), in my vast dating experience (or lack of), women generally like tall guys.

I’m 41 and my experiences and observations (I have been a keen observer of human nature ever since puberty hit) regarding this matter have made me jaded and cynical. I’m sorry to break this to you. Many types will respond to your post with the typical, “I like guys my own height” or somesuch, but they are the exception and not the norm.

I have had my less-than-fair share of serious relationships, so all is not lost. Just prepare yourself for a lot of rejections and don’t let them get you down on yourself. It’s not you that has a problem, it’s them.

I was on some dating site for six months one year. While I got plenty of compliments on my profile, pictures (cute) and writing skills, the one AND ONLY one who wrote me back a second time said the following (direct quote): “I only date tall guys”. She was 5’4".

My only advice: Don’t do any drastic procedures, no elevator shoes, wear vertical patterns or tops and bottoms of same colors, and – most of all – best of luck.

IN MY OPINION, a great majority of women are really superficial that way. You just have to weed out those types and above all, remember that it’s THEIR problem, not yours.

I second the Aikido/Judo/Karate. It will build confidence and strength, and it doesn’t matter how tall you are. I took karate for 5 years and the Grand Master of my style was 4’9". I **WOULD NOT **want to mess with him.

Again, best of luck. Be prepared for a lot of discrimination, but above all, DON’T LET IT GET TO YOU. If you do, the superficial self-centered types will win.

57

double post

58

It’s not “THEIR problem”. It’s their preference. You can’t judge someone based on what they are attracted to. Women, in general, are attracted to taller guys but that’s just the way it is, it is not “their problem”.

Shorter guys have to learn to live with it and deal with it (e.g. by following some of the good advice in this thread)
BTW: I should that there seems to be a double standard: It’s OK for women to declare “I only date guys 6 feet or taller”, but if a guy rejects a woman by declaring “I only date women with C cup breasts or larger” he will be considered a shallow asshole. In fairness we should either condemn both or neither. I think we should condemn neither.

59

There is very little you can do about your physical height, but your perceived height is surprisingly changeable.

In Robert Cialdini’s excellent book Influence: the psychology of persuasion he describes an experiment in which a visitor from another university was introduced to five different groups of students with different titles. To one group he was introduced as a student, to the next as a demonstrator, then a lecturer, then a senior lecturer, then a professor. Afterwards, the students were asked to estimate his height. It turns out that with each increase in status his perceived height grew by half an inch, so that as the professor he was 2.5 inches taller than as a student.

So, instead of giving in to your low self esteem, work on being the kind of person who is perceived as being taller than he really is. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your head high, like a guy who knows that he can handle anything the world might throw at him – it may add only a little to your actual height, but it could well mean a difference of several inches in how people perceive you…

60

Disagree totally.

If a guy is nice, cute, funny, caring, etc. All the things a woman professes that she wants, and this woman is superficial enough to disregard that guy because he’s short, then it’s “her problem” and not mine.

And her loss.

“Just the way it is”?? Well, “the way it is” is superficial and a load of crap based on too many episodes of “Sex and the City”.

Like I said, preferences or not, they are superficial preferences based on how they think others will perceive them and their chosen mates. “Tee hee - look at her dating that short guy.” “I’d date you if you were 6” taller." I’d say, “OK – Fuck You, then” to that and walk away confident in my jaded opinion of her.

There is a definite discrimination and stigmatization against short guys in this country from both sides of the sex, and you can’t deny that.

…But they’re judging us before they even know us just because we’re short. Who’s more in the wrong? Me for seeing them as the superficial jerks that they are and calling them on it? I think not.

Since this is turning into a debate, I’ll stop here.

Did I mention that I’m jaded? Bitter, perhaps? These are learned environmental responses over the course of my life’s experiences.