Well, you see, I’ve got this friend who’s a superhero. He does quite well, dashing around and saving the universe and all that, but he’s found it gets a bit…lonely, y’know? He’s looking for that special someone that he can cuddle up with in between epic battles with dark gods and mad scientists.
But that’s not turning out so well. To put it bluntly, this guy’s kinda clueless when it comes to women. Apparently understanding the female mind is not among his superpowers. It’s bad, really bad. He needs help.
I looked on Amazon and Google, and found nothing. This was all for him, of course–he needs help, not me.
So I thought that we, the doper community, could get together and think of a few helpful tips, so that he can meet women, and make a successful relationship.
All I’ve managed to figure out so far is that flying into the sun is not a good way to show a lady his vulnerable side. Also, asking a woman for her number right after you save her from a giant robot seems just a little bit tacky. I told him these–cause he’s not me, remember?–but he’s not satisfied. He wants more help.
Please, my fellow dopers. Help out a lonely guy who just happens to be a superhero and not me.
Uhmm, there was an science fiction essay written a bunch of years ago called “Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue Paper” which your friend might want to read before the dating goes too far. While he might not be happy about having his anatomy so thoroughly examined, so to speak, it could prevent a messy accident.
Remember- don’t show off. No matter who she is, no matter how puny and un-super heroine like she appears…she will ALWAYS best you. The woman always manages to beat up/out race/etc. her date, even if she isn’t super. It’s a rule. Sigh. God bless America…
Also, wearing one’s underwear on the outside of the pants might be interpreted as a come on. Try to do it the right way.
I too, have a friend in the superhero community. He inisists on not wearing the magic underoos on the first date. He claims it is so he doesn’t give away his secret identity. I have other theories. . .
Actually, an offer of dinner, a movie, and a nice, moonlit flight over the city should work quite nicely for me. “Can I fly you home?” has rather a nice ring to it. Of course he should remind the girl that the date may need to be abruptly interupted through no fault of hers. If he’s in superhero mode, no excuse is needed. If he’s not, may I suggest something not-too-vague and compassionate?
As the recent comic Pro points out, (spoiler) always be ready for action. If things get a little too intimate 1) Be polite and warn her when you’re about to, um…you know, 2) Make sure she moves her head, 3) Watch your aim and 4) keep your pants on and make sure you use that super speed to pull them up before you go rescuing the plane who’s wing you just clipped, because it doesn’t make for a good news photo of your most recent “heroic deeds.”
Your friend has the wrong kinds of superpowers. On the other hand, my superhero friend has mentalist powers, so he can, um, take little “peeks” when he’s trying to figure out what his date’s thinking.
Racing about and saving the world is very important and undoubtedly impressive with the ladies, but it’s no excuse to ignore good personal hygiene habits. An extra stick of deodorant here, some clean socks there, perhaps an under-the-nail scrubber of some kind, all work together to keep the smelly clues of earth-saving securely at bay from the initimate dating front.
Also, women like to feel special, so your friend shouldn’t flirt too too much with the damsels in distress. Courteous and aloof saves just as many lives as flashy and handsy, despite what the fansites might say.
Sigh. God bless America…