I think you need to find (read “make”) the opportunity. When I was dating an extremely reserved man, we were out walking on a hillside at dusk, and I have terrible dusk vision, so I got him to hold my hand ;). Something like that, you know.
as a thick skulled male sometimes, if you want a baby step, just sit there on the couch, together, doing one of those things you like to do together…and just say it. “you know, i like you”. as you say that, the optional thigh touch or arm touch can be thrown into the mix. if he replies with an “i like you too” or something to that effect, give it about 1 second…and then finish leaning in and kiss him. maybe, at that point he’ll kiss you before you kiss him.
that’s nice and sweet and relatively subtle, you’ve just got to cook up a way to get you into that configuration. sit on the couch watching tv, or a movie that you’ve already seen (you know, so you don’t end up missing anything). i’m not an alcohol person either (i don’t drink) but if you two are, alcohol in moderation will also loosen this up.
learn from the dolphie! sure, you’re not tricolored and you’ve got no ugly doll, but you’ve got tits. and for a guy, those go a long way.
keep in mind that if you do kiss him, you may end up pulling him on top of you for Phase Two. have condom conveniently placed under couch for such an occasion.
by the way, i love dolphie’s website. make sure those paws clickity-clack the keys on a consistent basis.
This is how my brother proposed to my now sister-in-law. It worked. I add another vote in favor of this approach.
Could it be that since you’ve become platonic friends, your friend thinks he’s missed whatever chance he had with you? There is a commonly held notion among guys, that I’ve often seen expressed on this message board, that if you progress too soon to being “Mr. Dependable/NiceGuy/Good Friend/Like A Brother” you’re never going get back into the romantic sphere. Like most generalizations I’m assuming that this is wildly inaccurate in some cases, particularly so in this case.
Could you try talking about things with erotic or romantic overtones? Like if you’re talking about movies and the subject of Warren Beatty and Natalie Wood comes up, jump on the chance to say you think Splendor In The Grass is a beautiful movie. I’m making a bit of a joke here, but I’m serious about the concept. If you drop the right hints, that’ll turn his head right around.
Update: he was supposed to call me tonight about a movie tomorrow, and he didn’t. I called him about 20 minutes ago, got voicemail, left a message, even though I know I shouldn’t have, asking if we were doing something. He hasn’t called back. Maybe he doesn’t like me after all. 
Or…maybe he just forgot.
We lads do that sometimes. Don’t lose a lug nut over it.
Stranger
Not for nothing, if he were interested in me, how would he forget? I mean, c’mon, when you dig someone, the last thing you’d do is forget to call them, unless something happened. So unless he’s dead in a ditch somewhere, he’s probably just not that into me. I’m so tired of being the one who has to do the chasing. Basically, I’m done now, because if I call him again, I will start to look like a crazy stalker chick.
Dating sucks.
You seem like a wonderful person and I’m sure I’d like to sit on your couch and watch movies with you, too. You enjoy this man’s company but you seem to doubt your own charm. He may have a different agenda than you do. I don’t suggest you stress on whatever is going or not going through his mind and just enjoy him when you see him. I don’t like to walk on eggshells or live in fear of scaring someone away. You don’t seem that scary to me.
Personally, I like a man who makes me feel pretty, not one that makes me doubt my own considerable charms.
I going to go with Stranger on this one…he probably just forgot. Or maybe he’s keeled over with explosive diarhhea. I don’t think calling was a bad idea-men want to know that women are interested, too.
My friend saw him tonight and he told him we were going to the movies tomorrow. But he never called me… wtf? Men are a complete mystery.
I am a very direct person. I don’t like to dick around and play games with the phone or semantics or intentions. This whole dating thing requires me to be a lot more subtle and restrained than I normally am. My friends are used to me being quite open about what’s on my mind, and I teach 12 year olds, who appreciate a franky and explicit exposition of what I want and think.
That’s why I find this whole thing so damn aggravating. When you don’t know someone that well, a very direct approach can seem pushy, demanding, or downright scary. I guess if he can’t take that, then he’s not the guy for me. We’ll see if he communicates his desire to go to the movies with me tomorrow to me at some point… if not, I guess it’s his loss. Blarg.
I SO AGREE ! I have friends who enjoy the mystery of these moments… I totally hate it…
Give him a day… he might have had a busy day. Or feels like he is bothering you so much… one more of the silly thoughts shy people have.
I dunno what he does for a living, but is it possible he had an unexpected work event? It is not uncommon for me to have to entertain an out of towner unexpectedly and then not be able to make a call that I wanted to make.
Also, note that communication (or lack thereof) is a huge cause of problems in relatioinships. It is entirely possible that he *thinks *that your plans were *obviously *definite, while you are sure that he was meant to call. People often mean different things by their words. I have a friend who, if she says “maybe” I know that means probably not. Another who when she says “maybe” means I can probably count on seeing her.
What I’m saying is, maybe he is sure that you were going, but was thinking the phone call was to confirm which movie to go to. I’m not excusing his thoughtlessness, I’m just saying that people often see things differently.
Uh, he’s seasonally unemployed right now, so that’s no excuse. Also, he has a cell phone, and people with cell phones frankly have no reason why they can’t make the calls they say they will make. I know he had martial arts class last night with our mutual friend and he mentioned the movie then. Maybe he went out after class and forgot to call, which is kinda jerkish.
I specifically asked him to call me. He said he would. Now, nada. I almost feel like I should tell him I can’t go now because of the short notice. I haven’t been feeling well, got no sleep last night, and then I got rear-ended at a stop sign this morning. This movie is at 10pm on a work night, as it turns out. Also, I don’t want to seem too available. Not calling when you say you’re going to is rude.
Did I mention that this whole dating process sucks?
Ruby, hon, take a deep breath. Now take another deep breath.
I understand that you’re pissed, and I understand that you’re having a shitty morning, but seriously – lighten up a little, okay?
And take one more deep breath.
Okay – you thought he was definitely going to call, and he didn’t call. Apparently he didn’t realize you were expecting him to call. At this point, do you want to blow off the entire relationship over this misunderstanding? Or would it be enough to resolve this misunderstanding?
My suggestion: Tell him what you’ve been telling us:
[ol]
[li]You don’t know if you two are dating or not[/li][li]You’d like to be, but think he’s a great guy, so would be willing to do a friends thing if he’s not interested[/li][li]If you are dating, you prefer that the other person call when he says he’s going to[/li][li]Hell, if you’re not dating, you prefer that the other person calls when he says he’s going to.[/li][li]On reconsideration, 10 PM on a weeknight ain’t necessarily a great time to go see a movie[/li][/ol]
That’s it.
If direct is who you are, don’t try to pretend that you’re not, because you’ve got some theory that you’re not allowed to be direct in the dating “thing.” The point of dating is to find someone who wants to be with you – and if who you are is a direct person, you will not find someone who digs that if you’re pretending you’re not. So cut the crap.
And take another deep breath.
And calm the fuck down – it’s going to be okay.
All that is true, twix, and a good idea, but at this point, I can’t call him again. I called yesterday and left a message when HE was supposed to call ME. That was bad enough. If I call again, doesn’t that look pushy and weird? So I have to just wait until he gets around to calling me. If he doesn’t, there’s really nothing much I can do about it. I guess I don’t care about tonight anymore, since the last 24 hours have been pretty physically painful for me, so watching LOST and then going to bed seems like a better idea than a tension-filled movie date banyway.
My ex-fiance was a great one for saying he was going to do things and then not doing them. I finally realized that it was because he was not that into me after all. I don’t want to be as clueless now as I was then. I’d like to be able to recognize the signs of a guy who’s not that into me before I get too attached. Thus, I’m going to file this guy under “whatever” unless he picks up some of the slack. I have enough to worry about without this. So to answer your question, yes, I am willing to chuck the whole thing because of this. I can’t do all the work. I actually have a job, you know?
He’s not a chick- He’s a DUDE! Us guys don’t think things out that hard- never think that if we miss one damn phone call it’s over. Really. Trust me on this- I am a Dude (quickly does shorts check, yep, they’re all there 
) myself. One missed phone call means *nothing * from a guy. Honestly, even if he was in love & lust with you and you were Cindy Crawford- he could still miss a call. And, certainly if you aren’t even in a “kissy-face” mode.
You can make one more quick phone call without getting into “crazy stalker chick” territory. But make sure if you do have to leave a message, it’s isn’t something needy or stalker like. Try “Hey, this is Ruby, missed your call, call me.”
Okay.
I get that you’re not going to call him. And I get why, and I agree.
However – when he does call, have the conversation. Tell him what you’re thinking. If he’s not into you, it will resolve. If he is, he’s gonna have to step up to the plate. At this point, however, you’re running on a script that he hasn’t seen. Show him the script and let him decide what he wants to do.
And I truly am sorry you’re having a shitty morning, and hope you’re okay after the accident this morning – I read that as “incident” rather than “accident,” but if it was the latter, you definitely need to be good to yourself tonight. I hope you’re okay.
I agree with twickster - when he does call, have a very pleasant, non-accusatory conversation with him in which you tell him that you have been burned in the past by people who didn’t keep their commitments to you, and you are the type of person who needs to be able to count on people in your life. I had to do something very similar with my husband when we started dating - I had been burned by a guy who wouldn’t make time for me in his life, and I made it clearly known that I needed a guy who would make me his number one priority, not get around to me.
Just an observation, but you seem to be dragging a lot of baggage into this. This guy isn’t your fiancee, but you seem to be making precipitious judgements based upon your past experience. You also seem to be beating yourself up for no especially good reason other than having made a (presumably honest) mistake.
I think you need to sit back, have a glass of wine, or whatever beverage is most soothing, and have a good think about all these things before making any irrevocable decisions. I also think you should politely refuse any last minute or inconvenient invitations by countering them with a time that is more conveinent for you. And two consecutive phone calls do not a stalk make. Three (over the span of a couple of days) might be edging into dangerous territory, and twenty rapid fire messages going from polite inquiry thru strident accusation and onto vindictive threats will probably qualify for a restraining order, but I don’t think you’re going to trip over your libedo by making a calm request for clarification.
And at this point, what do you have to lose in just expressing your interest and asking the bloke? If you’re prepared to toss him over the side as “just a friend” anyway, why not bet the green? At least you’ll know where you stand that way instead of vacillating between frustration, hope, and resentment.
Then again, what do I know? I like cold toliet seats. bonggg!
[post=5737844]Here[/post]'s an old post about dating that people seemed to enjoy; perhaps it’ll lighten up your day a bit. Or drive you into the pits of deepest despair. I can’t take responsibility for either, so consume at your own risk.
Stranger