Dating Website and the weight question...

I had this weird thing happen to me today. I joined a couple different dating websites to get a feel for what is out there. POF and and I have been a member for a few months now. When I signed up I thought I was being pretty honest about the type of person I am and what I look like. I have nothing to hide and while I am actively trying to loose weight to become more healthy, I am not ashamed of who I am or what I look like. I am what I am. I am who I am.

So when it came to the question of body type, I put what I thought I was. “Big and Beautiful” or BBW. However you want to look or see it. There are plenty of choices to pick from. Curvy. Full Figured. A few extra pounds. Big and Beautiful. Slender. Athletic. Just to name a few. I don’t think I am this huge person, but I’m definitely not skinny.

Though over the course of being a member I looked at a few profiles of men and came across many that I knew through work or what not. A few in question are fairly on the bigger side, 100 pounds or more over weight, and they had labeled themselves, “A few pounds over weight”. I am not sure I necessarily agreed with that, but it isn’t my profile. Then today something odd (or what I think is odd) happened. I met (meaning through email) a guy through the POF website and we got talking. He had seen my pictures and told me that he was really attracted to BBW. After talking to him for a little bit he asked my weight (and where I don’t hide what I am, I told him) and then he said that he felt led on. That he doesn’t consider me BBW. He said that BBW is for woman (or men) 350 to 400 pounds or more.

So this got me thinking… maybe I am making myself to be bigger then what I am? Maybe I should be putting curvy or a few extra pounds like everyone else? I see my friends doing it and I thought they were just down playing what they may be. But then I “offend” this guy that is attracted to people I thought I was by not being one at all?

I’m confused. I am guessing that it is on the preference of the other person or what they consider to be “big” or over weight? Take a look at my pictures here if you want and you tell me if I am based on your own opinion.

My fear is that I am making myself out to be less attractive then what I am, weight wise? I’m okay with being BBW because that is what I have been putting on my profiles, trying to be honest. Though based on this guy’s reaction, I’m not sure if I put the right thing.

So the questions, because I think I just rambled.

What would you consider BBW?
Would you over sell or under sell yourself on a personal? (Meaning - You are over weight and not sure if you are a “few extra pounds” or “Curvy” so you go with the extreme so you don’t make yourself seem something you aren’t)
If you look at web personals, do you look at their “body status” and then confirm with it the pictures?

Feel free to add any other opinions you have on this as well.

Thanks. :slight_smile:

ETA: I can’t find any “stand up” pictures for a full body view… but I think with the pictures I posted… it gives you the general idea of what I look like.

You’re porn BBW but not dating site BBW. While it’s totally common (and cool w/ me) to go to a dating site, I suspect that people there are a little more…wanting?..than the average person as a whole. Perhaps they have a different set of rules for what’s normal and what’s not. For example, if the dating site crowd is, on average, ten pounds heavier than the average population, perhaps that becomes “average” and normal weight is “thin”. That’s just conjecture. Whatever the case, you look like what I think of when I hear BBW.

Okay… so you think I am BBW, (Which I thought I was) but not on a dating site… Then what would I be?

I just want to say, after looking at your pictures, that I loved you in The Silence of the Lambs. :smiley:

To me, you’re more “full-figured” than BBW.

Scarlett, neither athletic nor slender

I was thinking the same thing :wink: I’m glad she made it out of the well and it was SMART to get his dog.

I’ll also second the “full-figured” because, to me, BBW seems a bit more round than you are.

Please keep in mind I’ve never been on a dating website even to browse, so I’m just going by your pictures alone.

At most I’d say ‘a few pounds overweight’ and let the pictures speak for themselves. “Curvy” has always seemed like a dodge to me.

The only disclaimer being that I’ve never used a dating website, just perused them from time to time.

You lost me there. :confused: Then again I have never seen the movie…

So, So far we have one for BBW. 2 for Full figured and 1 for a few extra pounds… Comon people. :slight_smile: Like I said, I don’t offend easily.

Judging from the response (so far) I should change it to full figured…

Anyone else? :wink:

BBW refers to women who are significantly overweight/morbidly obese. You are not. Take your pick of “curvy,” “full-figured,” or “a few extra pounds,” all of which are synonyms for “not a size 4.”

What he said, with the added comment that you’re very pretty :slight_smile:

Awww. Thanks tygre!

Look, this isn’t the real world, this is online dating.

If you’re normal-sized, fine.
If you have a few extra pounds, you put normal.
If you’re chubby, you put normal. If you’re “keeping it real” you put “a few extra pounds.”
The next six or seven weight categories you put “a few extra pounds”.
If you can’t hide your rolls in a picture, you put “Curvy”.
You only put BBW if you’re Really Fat. Like, no getting around it, wipe your ass with a special stick device obese.

Everybody starts out like you, and then they get “online dating honest”. Lying in this realm means picking a weight class more than, say, three under your actual weight. And “a few extra pounds” pretty much covers everything.

I’m going to go with this too.

Brooke Smith as Catherine Martin in The Silence of the Lambs.

So what’s the difference between BBW and full-figured?

I told you - in the online dating world, a BBW has a specially modified bathroom. Full-figured is anything under that, until you get to where you can say you’re “a few extra pounds”.

Do you have to categorize yourself? Why not let your photo(s) speak for itself?

I’ve never used a dating website, but assume people could narrow the search for potential partners using filters based on size, age, race etc. If you don’t fill out the categories, it’ll be harder for searches to include/exclude you.

Ah, okay. You didn’t specifically mention full-figured in your post, so I was confused.

I’d say BBW is about 250+.

I’d consider “a few extra pounds” to be anywhere up around 20 pounds overweight.

I have no idea where I would stick “curvy” and “full-figured,” on the scale, other than “full-figured” is definitely between “a few extra pounds” and “BBW.” So I would vote “full-figured.” To me, “curvy” can be pretty much anything.

The dating sites all have different categories. The thing is, the men and the women are BOTH expecting exaggeration, so if you say you’re “full figured” they’re going to assume they should get their suspension looked at before they pick you up and if he says he’s “muscular” she knows he once tried to play a game of basketball but had to be taken to the hospital and intubated after five minutes. A certain amount of healthy exaggeration is expected.

ETA - ever read medieval accounts of battles? It’s like that. Our side had a hundred men and your side had 75. You know I’m going to say you had 500, and I know you’re going to say you had a thousand, so historians laugh at us because I beat you to the bunch and claimed six hundred thousand and you knew I was going to lie so you said you had three million.