psst! It’s the arm.
I’m 45 and never married. Very few relationships and none of them lasted long. Of course, none of the endings were my fault. 
Okay, I may have one or two minor flaws. 
I only know one person who fits this category, and while he’s not normal per-say, I dont see any glaring personality flaws
In general terms, it would probably give me pause, but it would not be a deal breaker. I’m 23 though, so I dont foresee myself having a problem (I do like older women though, so it’s not out of the question.)
For the third most dysfunctional couple I’ve ever known, there were 10 marriages between her mother and his father. That’s a lot of, er, love right there.
I’m 41, and a big chunk of my friends from high school and college have never gotten married – I’d say at least a quarter of them. My best (male) friend from high school is finally engaged at 42. I’ve never known him to be without a hot girlfriend for very long. My first high school girlfriend has never married, and she’s (semi-objectively)quite a catch – cute, fit, brilliant. These folks are not down in their parents’ basements playing with little figurines and breathing through their mouths; I’d say they’re about evenly divided between fairly radical people who just have no interest in marriage (some of them – gasp! – have kids) and those who just never found someone they wanted to marry. I can think of a tiny handful of people in my wider social circle who make it to 40 without at least one significant long-term relationship, and these people are certainly on the odd side. (No offense, people to whom the description may fit. The pressure to pair off is pretty great.)
I did a shift of Internet dating in my late 30s, and I never felt that I was looking at menu of just leftovers, so to speak. There’s a lot of busy professional women in the New York metropolitan area, not much pressure to get married young, and not universal interest in having children. I never walked away from a date thinking, “Boy, I can see why nobody married her.”
Disclosure: divorced and single at the moment.
45 and never been married. I post because Of Course I’ve Got Problems! I’ve been dealing with issues coming out the yin-yang, and I’m probably still a year or so away from being able to get back into the dating scene. It takes me a long time between relationships because my self-confidence, which never starts out very strong, gets pommeled whenever a relationship ends. Add my special blend of depression and anxiety (finally being medicated properly), and I’m quite the catch.
I have no choice but to hope to meet some woman who can say, “Well, okay. Let’s see what happens.”
I’ve had six 1-3 year relationships, all with successively less screwed up women, and in each one, I was successively less screwed up myself. However, the Root Sum Square of screwed-uppedness was still too large, and I find myself alone. The thing that worries me is that I always seemed to average about two years between major relationships, but my current dry spell is over six years now, and I’m thinking that something may be broken.
So anyway, sure, raise a flag when you hear that I’m 45 and never been married. I’m just hoping it won’t be a deal-breaker. Because the all-new-for-2008 model year groo is practically firing on all cylinders.
I have had 3 LTR. I must admit my share of fault in the end of all three. Oddly, however, I am still on good terms with all, we stay in touch and with one we still see movies and have lunch on occassion.
My knee-jerk reaction is that anyone over 45 and single either has a major flaw OR they are just too shy.
I wish you lived near me, I could fix you up. I have a very nice stepson that is 26 and also very shy.
Mine would be that she has very high standards for a life-partner, and no man has yet met her expectations.
I am 30 and have never been married. If I had not gone back to college I might not have ever met a girl I was willing to marry. (I did and will be married before I turn 31 though)
I dated a lot, just never met any I was willing to marry. I don’t know that I would make it to 45, but it is possible.
But we didn’t say “single”, we said “never married”, and it’s been a long time since “single” only meant “not married”.
Yeah but I’m an old fart and it means the same to me. Single, married, divorced, and widowed are all I think of.
I had a conversation with one of my “still-single-after-40” friends about this topic a few days back. (He is 42, I am 46.) We are both short, a bit chubby, and about average in looks. Between the two of us, we have dated seven women in our entire lives (Three for me, four for him). There is probably plenty wrong with both of us!
The difference between us is this – he worries about it and I don’t! His family makes him feel odd and strange (they are very conservative Church of Christ) about the still-single status. My family (some conservative, some not so much) never hassled me about it at all. My mom was just glad that I wasn’t gay, I think, and never bothered me about my odd fetishes.
He said that he envied my nonchalance about the matter. He does not want to be alone, but has a hard time finding someone suitable. Of course, he is much more attracted to women in their twenties than women his own age. He remarked that he might have to lower his standards about physical appearance considerably! And there are quite a number of single ladies in our age-range in our congregation, but I cannot imagine being physically attracted to them for even a second.
I am just glad that I am a paraphiliac, and I do not need to be in a relationship with a “real live girl”! Worrying about dating/getting married sounds like a major hassle.
The funny thing about all this, is that I actually do get attention from women, but I think that I will do a separate post about that!
“What’s your knee-jerk reaction to “45 and never married”?”
I wouldn’t see it as unusual but then I come from a family with a brother who married for the first time this summer at 49, a sister never married at 51 and a brother who is getting married next month for the first time at 53 to a woman who is 50 and never married. The older brother has never really dated any other women as far as I know.
It may even be a plus in my opinion as I have another brother and sister who each definitely married the wrong person. Never having been married at 45 may show the person has good judgment.
You make a good point-- my parents married at 39, a first marriage for both. My brother and I both married in our 30’s. Neither of us had kids outside of marriage. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. My parents did not emphasize the need to get married as being very important, something that is necessary to a happy and fulfilling life, per se. My father always said, “Better to be single your entire life than married to some jerk and divorced.” I took that seriously and waited. I’m glad I did. I don’t think that means I am defective, or even overly picky. It means I got 3 degrees, a job and a house before I settle down.
“That’ll be me in six years”?
Most definitely not normal!
My last GF scared me away by bringing up the M-word in a sort-of ultimatum way.
I do spend time thinking about it every day.
I’d be much more comfortable with someone who had never been married than someone who had gotten married just because they thought they were getting on in years. One of my mom’s ex-boyfriends (long story), when she asked him why he decided to get married, he answered “pushing forty.” :eek: Sorry, but I’d rather die alone to be eaten by my cats than marry that dude.
Anyone remember the pre-internetdating years? And how hard it was to meet anyone you were also attracted to, who was single, and to get a relationship going? Internetdating is so, so much easier. But internetdating hasn’t been around that long, when you think about it. Many people even on this board have recently tried it for the first time. And many not-so-computer-or-internet-savy people are entirely new to it.
So a 45 still unmarried person, especially women working out of IT, may just been unsuccessfull in other ways of dating, or she may not have tried many other ways, and is now for the first time available for Internetdaters.
I don’t think it is that big a deal. I didn’t get married until I was 40 and that was only to add the woman I was living with to my health insurance. We’ve been together 8 years and we would have been fine never getting married except for the health insurance thing.
I AM 45 and never married.
My flaws?
In high school I was too tall, too smart, too jocky, too shy to date.
In college? Never got asked out, probably for the same reasons.
As an adult? Honey, once you get out of college and go into teaching or tech, your chances for meeting someone drop to next to nothing. I’ve gone out with several nice guys over the years but none seemed like men I would want to give up my independence for.
Yes, I’m heavy.
Yes, I can be skittish (esp when most men who approach me online want to talk about sex before anything else).
Yes, I’m independent and marriage has never been a priority for me.
Does that mean I don’t want to date? That I don’t want a partner?
No it doesn’t. It just means being happy with myself, my family and my friends and open to meeting men who may appreciate the unique packaget that I am.
At the same time, you better not even think about busy NY professionals unless you are one. Nothing scares them off like a man who is not focused on a career of his own.