Dear Ex-Fat Guy on Subways Commercials

"Probably not, but it sure beats a hamburger, french fries, & milk shake. "

Yup. Most certainly does. Course I haven’t had a humburger, french fries and milk in ages…eheheeh…

Osip, that’s exactly the commercial he is talking about. Annoying, isn’t it?

You obviously use annoying as an intetional understatement.
Shitting a half pound of broken glass following up with a lemon juice enema is “uncomfortable”

Jarhead creeps me out.

Not to the point he has to fear bodily harm if I ever see him.
Damned if I am going to watch a commercial with him.
Thank goodness for modern technology and the remote!
otherwise I would have to start reproducing so I can train my children to run to the set and change the channels.

While we are on the subway commercials, has anyone ever noticed the “made fresh” none Jarhead commercials, the women behind the counter seem to be dubbed over with a different voice?

Maybe I am halucinating that cause I fear Jarhead showing up in those commercials.

I actually met Jarhead last year, while he was filming a commercial at a Subway in my sister’s neighborhood in Chicago. He was really nice to everyone around, but also a total doormat.

“Jarhead!” yelled the director, “Go change your shirt, the blue looks better on camera!”
“Okay.” Off Jarhead went to change his pants.

He came back, and was chatting with the crowd that had gathered. (He actually had fans there who were all Jared-diet followers who looked at him like a hero.) He was giving autographs and whatnot when the public relations chickie yelled.

“Jarhead, give out the samples!”
“Okay.” Jarhead got the tray full of pieces of crap-on-a-bun sandwich and started handing them out.

“Jarhead, hand out the promo materials!”
“Okay.” Jarhead grabbed the promo literature and started pelting the crowd with the brochures like a sidewalk evangelist gone bezerk. Everyone within a fifty foot radius was given literature from the Church of Jarhead, describing the Subway Diet.

“Jarhead!” This time it was the Subway honcho. “Tell them how you lost the weight, give 'em the details!”
“Okay.” Jarhead started telling everyone how everyday he ate a cup of oatmeal with a few raisins or apple slices for breakfast, then a half turkey, loaded with vegetables but no cheese for lunch, and a whole veggie for dinner, or vice versa, both on whole wheat, with baked Lays and diet soda. He went into detail about all the water he drank, and about how he walked everywhere (mainly because his car died and he was broke) and to the Subway and back was about a half mile, so he did that twice a day, and when he wanted a snack, he’d have an apple or some baby carrots, and he allowed himself two such healthy snacks a day. Once a week, he’d have some lowfat microwave popcorn “as a treat” and on his birthday, he allowed himself a Subway cookie.

I did a quick calculation of the calories he was consuming and looked at his start weight, and figured that of course he lost weight, he was burning about 4,000 calories more than he was taking in every day.

“Jarhead!” This time it was the Subway “Nutrition Expert” woman. “Tell them how you’re eat now!”
“Okay.” Jarhead started explaining how now he ate so much better, but of course, of course, he still ate plenty of delicious, lowfat Subway subs!

I have a feeling that if someone told him “Hey, Jarhead, drop your pants and show the crowd your svelte new ass!” He would’ve said “Okay” and treated us all to a show of pasty white Jarhead butt. It was dead scary.

Don’t forget.
He has Aids.

Gosh, I wish we all had Aids too. Then we would all be thin.

I know it’s the Pit, but cite, please? I’ve never even heard rumors of this.


Woosh! :slight_smile:

It’s from the Southpark episode starring him.

The aids are his personal trainer and dietician.

I don’t know if it can justifiably be called a whoosh if it comes from a show that I don’t think I’ve ever seen an entire episode of…

but thank you for the clarification. :slight_smile:

It’s all about Keto.

I stand… well, corrected AND spanked with a wet noodle. [sub]mmmmm… fenris spanking…[/sub] I’ll have to keep an eye out for the new commercial so I can be suitably up-to-date on the Jarhead ranting.

DAMN. So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years. Huh.

as annoying as Jarhead is, aren’t you happy it’s not that f@#king Taco Bell dog? (or that insipid Pepsi girl, or Britney Spears, or Rocky Rococo)

Agreed. I was glad to see Taco Bell dump that damn dog. Now Geico’s picked him up (at least for one of their current spots). :rolleyes: When Jared is dropped by Subway maybe Geico will then have Jared pitch car insurance when they decide to get rid of the gecko (he’s gotten tiresomely old, too).

The same agent who represents the chihuahua also represents the gecko. :slight_smile: Don’t know who else he/she represents, though.

I think Jason Alexander has overtaken all fast-food hawkers as the most annoying.

I’d lose all kinds of weight on that diet. Hell, after a week or two, I’d lose eight or ten pounds in one day–the day I finally blew my own head off.

Dr. J

I currently work at Subway (no jokes please) and I always laugh at the people who ask for cheese, oil and vinegar, some fatty meat (like roast beef or ham), and then ask me whether or not our new “sweet onion” sauce is low-calorie. I have to resist the urge to tell them to take the sauce and walk home.

I used to work at Subway, let me fill you in on the NUMBER ONE REASON that almost every sandwich I made was unhealthy. Black olives. Every ingredient on the sandwich goes by a “formula”, meaning that a certain number of tomatoes, pickles, etc., goes on each 6 inches of sandwich.

On a six-inch sub, the formula is TWO black olives. Just two. People who like black olives like LOTS of black olives. By “lots” I mean 10-20 on a six-inch. When I would try to follow the formula I got incredulous stares from people who couldn’t believe that two black olives was all I had put on their sandwich. So, as we are supposed to with veggies, I put on as many as they wanted.

The nutritional information that tells how many calories are on the sub goes according to formula. Since black olives are pretty much the fattiest, most unhealthy vegetable known to man, the actual calorie count on all the subs I sold was waaaaaaaaay over what’s posted. So, just FYI, there’s more involved in the Jared-diet than just leaving off the cheese, having the baked Lays, and the diet soda. You have to stick to a formula that almost nobody ever does.

Jared couldn’t afford to get his car fixed, but he could afford to spend about $12 a day at Subway?

Oh, my god—you’re right. Jarhead is John Barrymore as Hamlet compared to Jason Alexander hawking those damned deep-fried chicken pellets. Nothing gets me diving for the remote as fast as seeing George from Seinfeld harrassing people in that smarmy way about superior his pellets are—I wish the guy in the burger joint he’s yelling at would just dip George’s head in the fryer . . .

One large olive = 5 Calories, .5g fat

If you figure a large olive would give you, say, four slices and you piled like sixteen of 'em on your six inch sandwich (juding from experience, they do put fewer than that), you’d end up with an extra 20 Calories and 2g of fat.

I don’t think the black olives are to blame. The mayo and cheese on the other hand…


Emulsified, black olive lover