Something I haven’t seen in this thread: Is the state nursing board aware of any of this? If not, they must be notified. She would get in bigger trouble for covering it up than she would for doing any of it in the first place.
This is not going to get any better ! Your wife could try to rent a car or borrow a friend’s car and the next time someone could hurt or worst killed . It doesn’t sound like she want to get better when she lied to you and when she asked for your debit card to buy coffee this should had been huge red flag to you it was to me ! I really think you should run the other way fast b/c she is going undo all your hard work to stay sober . No one is worth this much trouble ! I know my ex husband was an alcoholic he got stopped 3 time for DUI and lost his license and was ordered to take anger management classes. I paid for the classes b/c blew all his money getting drunk . The second time this happen I refuse to pay for the classes. After 9 years I got sick of this shit and kicked him out and divorce him and never looked back !
My dad was an alcoholic too so I know something about alcoholics . I never drank b/c of my dad !
The OP is decidedly not sober. He prides himself in being a functional alcoholic- he can binge drink and still drag himself into work the next day hungover. His last post detailed how he brought beer home to accompany the baseball game and couldn’t understand why his alcoholic wife was upset (nor could he understand why she couldn’t suck it up like he does and go to work residually drunk).
Neither of these parties is doing any hard work, in any sense if the word, unless you’re counting their participation in the dysfunction olympics.
I hereby posit that he isn’t coming back to this thread either…
You’re enabling her behavior. You let her drive your car when you knew she was unlicensed? You know she’ll probably be cited for that right? And I’ll bet your insurance is not going to cover the accident. YOU allowed her to endanger all the other motorists on the road when you handed her the keys. She could have killed someone driving the wrong way on a one way street. Don’t get another car. Please, walk or take the bus, both of you.
You can’t save her.
You can save yourself.
Walk away.
Yup. Another seagull thread from Mister Rik.
He didn’t know she was unlicensed. He asked her if she had a licence and she said “yes.” Although, to be fair, he should have insisted on seeing it instead of taking her word for it.
Last active at 8:09PM-no acknowledgement that he was thinking about the responses in this thread or that he’s bothered to read it. Yup, history repeating itself.
She hasn’t worked in several years. And, not that it matters at this point, she was turned down for the job she interviewed for after the employer did a background check. (I saw the message on her Facebook.) She doesn’t have an up-to-date nursing license, so I suspect that this job wasn’t going to involve that, given that the person was ready to hire her until the background check.
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The debit card thing: No, I really didn’t see it coming. I had let her use it before and she hadn’t done this. I had also just paid all of the bills and there was really only enough money left in the account to buy the two items.
She had actually been sober (or at least abstaining from alcohol) for a few weeks. She asked me to not drink at home, so as to not tempt her, and I elected to not drink at all, figuring that would be even better.
Otherwise, y’all’s evaluations of the situation are mostly accurate. I have some serious considering to do.
You have come back … cool … the OP is a compelling tale … if it’s any help you are not alone with these troubles you have right now … this happens everyday someplace in the world …
You’ve married yourself a “fixer-upper” … if you’re in this “until death do you part”, then you’ve a work indeed … do your best to do a good job, whatever it takes … you’re here to save her life … and that’s always a good thing …
My best advise is to stop making these type of posts on the internet … you should be saying this to your wife … and your wife alone … you’re kinda violating her trust by stating her problems publically … you should most definitely keep this between yourself, your wife and your marriage counselor … it’s very dangerous to speak here about your problems, and NOT your wife … SHE needs to hear these things … and sugar-coat it will ya’ … she’s a tender girl for gosh’s sake …
… and if you don’t have a marriage counselor right now … get one in a hurry …
ETA: I wanted to hear about her Internet Technology (IT) problems …
Sugarcoat it? Really? He can’t save her life, either. He’s drowning himself. 2 drowning people clinging together never works out.
First, yes a person over fifty can indeed overcome substance abuse problems. It’s happened to people in my family. (Thank god)
Okay, Mister Rik, I have a question: what are you getting out of these threads, exactly? I mean, you’ve started how many topics about your marriage, asking for “advice” and every single time, you abandon them, or offer up excuses.
I don’t believe you want anyone here to help you, as you always dismiss what people have to say. You want everyone to go “aw, there there, there there” and back pats. Either that or you get something out of exposing your personal life to everyone and anyone.
I don’t know how to help you, I think everyone has already said what’s been said. Being a “functional alcoholic” doesn’t make you somehow superior, so stop making fucking excuses about that. There’s nothing virtuous about going to work hungover.
watchwolf49, “sugarcoating it” in this kind of situation is one of the worst fucking things you can do. This is “come to Jesus” time.
There ARE clowns, tho…
This is good… glad you’re thinking.
What is high-alcohol beer? Examples? You mean like malt liquor?
Oh , I didn’t see that post , you never stop not being an alcoholic even when you stop drinking. My ex husband was a dry drunk , I couldn’t have any cough syrup with alcohol in the house or cooking wine . He would buy cough syrup and say he had a ‘bad cold’ coming on ! I told him Bullshit ! If the OP keep going to work drunk he going to be out a job and on the streets before long then he will blame the whole world expect himself !
In some states (like Utah, where I live) beer w/ a higher alcohol content is only sold at state stores while lower is sold at grocery stores. Beers w/ higher content sometimes have large, bright and ugly labels slapped on them announcing their more dangerous content.
Hooray religious bullshittery!
You do NOT have ANY “considering” to do.
You are both moving train wrecks.
Marriage was the one thing that you could have avoided.
It is not too late to correct that mistake.
To review:
She USED TO BE a nurse.
Her license expired years ago.
Despite knowing that she had no license, she actually tried to get a job as a nurse.
She USED to have a driver’s license. She knew she did not have one.
She knew she could not operate a car without an anti-drunk interlock.
She is unable to realize that the head-on was her fault.
Question: Just how big of a fu*k-up does she need to be before you discover you are better off WITHOUT her?
I have avoided your self-pity threads.
Until this one.
This is a real Chart-Topper of a thread.
The really tragic thing is someone just minding his or her own business might get injured because of this.
If you leave her now, this will be the worst thing she ever did in the course of your marriage.
If you stay with her, this will be just another point in an eternal downward spiral.