You know what helped a friend of mine get through shit like this?
He changed the words out “drinking problem” to “heroin problem” and “car wrecks” to “killed babies” in the dialog in his head. He had a fucked up live in girlfriend that would literally whore around when she didn’t get money from him to “go to the bar.” We all tried to get him to leave her and see the situation for what it was, but it was the cop that knocked on his door at 3 am to explain to him how she stole his company vehicle to go meet up with some guy at a bar and totalled it.
The cop had this idea and bluntly told him, ‘Hey she hit a power pole and mailbox this time, but next time it could have been a van load of soccer kids. You need to think of this like its not a simple ‘drank too much’ problem - she has a bigger problem dude.’
I’m the master of past shitty relationships, man, and I can tell you that its hard to see things for what they really are from the inside of it. Hell I had one biotch blackmail me for a couple grand, and another one that threatened my mother when my mom caught her blowing another guy in my mother’s swimming pool.
I feel for you man. But you got your own issues and dealing with hers are just going to drag you down. Or put you in jail. Your call. People will be blunt with you because its a situation that warrants it. Honesty is rarely pretty. I never listened to people when they were blunt with me. (until I heard the words “she had a mouth full of some guys cock” come out of my very religious mother, that seemed to do the damn trick for sure)
They’re in Washington, a common property state. In a divorce her debts would be joint if incurred during the marriage so I think it’s at least a possibility here (even though she all but stole his car by deception).
What did she show to get their marriage license aside from a birth certificate? I had to show my driver’s license.
nearwildheaven, he hasn’t known her long enough for there to be kids (fully-baked kids, anyway).
He may be able to escape her fines/fees/etc, but I imagine he wouldn’t be able to escape his own if the person who was hit decides to sue him in civil court, as the owner of the car.
I think the majority of my legal knowledge stems from Judge Judy and Danny Crane, but I think that you could draw up the divorce to exclude any debt from this to his side of the divorce. They have to work all of that out in court though, and I’m sure a judge would be okay with sticking the legal liability to her I would think. Rik I feel bad for you, I know it seems like everyone is jumping on you to D the B, but honestly, you can’t help someone that pulls stuff like this man. Not alone, and sometimes when you are in a two person boat and you are the only one bailing water out the side, you can drown anyway.
If the “Community Property” law in WA is like the one in CA, he is liable for damages incurred by spouse.
Even if it wasn’t a Community Property State, the liability of being the owner of the car (not to mention his consent for an unlicensed operator of same) is 100% his.
He is not reading this thread either - too busy getting drunk or helping his “wife”* get out of jail so she can also get drunk.
ever wonder how these two ever got their acts together long enough to actually pull of a wedding - even a Courthouse/JP “2 Minute Special”?
With any luck, a lawyer will be able to establish that at least one of them, possibly both, were mentally incompetent at the time of the “ceremony” and therefore the Marriage is legally void.
This would seem to be his best shot of getting out of this continuing train wreck of a relationship.
Probably, it was HIS car, and the attorney suing over the damages is not going to believe a married couple did not know the other had “lost” their license. I mean, how do you live without ID? He had to know her license was either expired or not existent every time she was asked for ID.
My advice is still the same. If they stay together, And that’s their decision, buy monthly bus passes. Don’t even ride a bicycle. Take the bus everywhere, or walk. The life he saves may be his own, or mine.
Please, don’t get a car until you get this drinking situation resolved. And don’t ever let her near a car again.
I know how these relationships turn out, and the outlook isn’t good. My advice to the OP is that you get out now. There is no amount of therapy that can help you two. A good therapist is expensive, and it takes commitment. There is no sign of commitment in what you’ve described.
Your next relationship with turn out the same way until you quit drinking, grow up, and get help yourself.
Good advice. Marriage counseling takes a big committment and honesty from both partners These two don’t look like they have that. I think if he gets out of the relationship and does free counseling with his church mnister, there may be hope for him.
My insurer covers my car under my liability policy, regardless of who’s driving, as long as they are legal to drive. I contacted them last year when I lent a motorcycle to a friend for an extended period. Their exact response was:
[QUOTE=Insurance Broker]
You can lend any vehicle to another person as long as they are qualified by law to drive. If he had an accident though, it would be on your policy.
[/QUOTE]
Yes, therapy only works for people who admit that they have a problem and decide to put in the effort to fix it. If someone is convinced that they’re fine, the therapist isn’t going to get anywhere. And couples therapy requires BOTH people to be willing to work at it, while from what the OP posts neither one of them will even admit that the heavy drinking is a problem, much less commit to fixing the problem.
Interesting, mine said the opposite and the quick search I did backed me up. It probably depends on State laws or the insurance company then.
Both my brothers were alcoholics, and one was also a drug addict. One thing I’ve learned is that addicts do not think like non-addicts. We can tell the OP to get counseling/your wife is a drunk/yaddayaddayadda until we are collectively blue in the face, and it won’t make a dent in his brain. Because he doesn’t think or process like a normal person. His brain is far too damaged.
He’s gone to the same church for 20 years and still didn’t want them to know he and his fiancee were cohabiting before marriage. He would never be as honest w/ them as he’d need to be in counseling. He’s been justifying his desire to drink for far too long to make small changes that add up to recovery.