Did Rik ever come back?
As soon as drankin’ got brought up he skee daddled.
Briefly, on page 1, to defend himself for giving her his debit card and let us know he has thinking to do. Of course he’s said the latter several times before and nothing has changed, so I doubt we should hold our collective breath waiting for him to come back.
Bummer
You can’t make someone quit unless they truely want to. Sadly, while Rik may call himself a “functional alcoholic”, he doesn’t seem to believe he has a problem. As long as he’s “functional”, he can tell himself he’s not a real alcoholic, you know? 
Oh, yeah, like they’re the only people there who are doing this. :smack:
My very small congregation has several cohabiting couples, one of whom have a child together, and one guy who got married to (and later divorced from) another guy. They’re all welcome. 
I hadn’t realized that Mr. and Mrs. Rik were relative newlyweds; I got the impression that they had been together for some years.
So’s y’all know, I haven’t abandoned the thread. A man has to go to work and attend to IRL obligations. Anyway …
As I said to somebody in a PM, my OPs are me flinging my issues out into the universe. Am I asking for help? Yeah. But sending them out there is largely me just trying to write everything down so that I can try to figure it out myself. If I just play with it in my brain, it turns into some obsession/panic thing and next thing you know I’m lying awake all night because I can’t sleep. But if I write it all out and send it to the universe, it relaxes me and helps me to see everything clearly.
I’m not sure how it’s classified. Brand names are “Steel Reserve”, “Stack”, “Hurricane”, etc., and the ABV is over 8%.
(Hurricane was the empty can I found in the car)
I don’t go to work drunk, and even going to work hungover is extremely rare. While admitting that I do have a drinking problem, I do time my drinking to not interfere with my work, as much as I can. I do falter from time to time.
Thanks, Broomstick, I read your entire post but didn’t want to quote the whole thing here. And I have listened to my sister (I’ll elaborate below).
Speaking of pile-ons … As I mentioned to another Doper in a PM, I suspect that most posters to threads like this really only see their own posts, and don’t realize that, to the OP (in this case, me), it ends up looking like a whole bunch of people who really aren’t doing anything but telling you how stupid you are. And that is never helpful.
Like I said, I’m still here.
I have no children. My wife has two adult children, aged 31 and 30, and two grandchildren. None of them want anything to do with her (or me - I’m just the latest “stepfather”).
I am honestly totally surprised that nothing came up when we applied for the marriage license. We both had to physically go to the courthouse and provide all of the required information and identification … why did no bells go off, considering there was a warrant for her arrest? Given how interconnected everything is now, thanks to the Internet … seriously, nothing went off right there in the county courthouse? They had to wait until she actually committed another crime?
Ooo ooo, no, baby please don’t go!
Getting there 
Um, what? My pastor and his wife knew that she’d moved in with me almost as soon as it happened (and they were remarkably non-judgmental). If I implied otherwise in other threads, I apologize.
Yes, I’m back. A man has to go to work and attend to other IRL obligations, but I never intended to abandon this thread.
So … yeah, I’m gonna dump her. Best case scenario, I get the marriage annulled on the basis of deception, and what I learned this evening can only help with that.
I had dinner tonight with my sister and her husband, and learned some things that I haven’t learned from my wife or the local legal system (e.g. nobody in the legal system has told me anything).
My sister and brother-in-law have a friend who works at the county jail, and they’ve pumped him for information.
My wife’s transport to the other county for her Failure To Appear has nothing to do with an old DUI. Her FTA was on a charge of 2nd Degree Identity Theft.
And, suddenly, everything makes sense. When she asked me to bring her purse etc to the jail, I first went through her purse and discovered that she wasn’t just carrying her new “driver’s license” (actually just an ID card). She had, in her purse, ID cards and expired DL’s with four other last names (her maiden name, plus what I assume were the names of her three previous husbands). Not only that, her purse contained one of MY very old ID cards, which it appears she found while digging through one of my drawers, and explains why I found my old social security card lying on the kitchen table (many years ago, I thought I had lost my old SS card; I got a new one, and then much later found my old one … that’s the one she found).
Holy fuck.
I’m not filing for divorce, I’m filing for an annulment on the grounds that I entered into this marriage via deception. I think she just wanted another “legal” last name.
Also, vehicle-wise …
My sister and her husband are offering to loan me a nice vehicle, a 2008 something-or-other with AWD. It’s a car they were saving for my 18YO niece, but Katy is not interested in driving, so the car’s just sitting there. They would retain ownership, and I’ll just need to kick them the appropriate share of the insurance. I’ll have use of it until/through next April.
The funniest thing, to me, is seeing usernames I have never seen in my 13 years on this board asking questions like that.
Identity theft? Ouch. Make sure to check out your credit reports (annualcreditreport.com - this is the real one that the FTC web site points you to). You may want to put a freeze on your credit to prevent her from stealing your ID too.
Well, fortunately (LOL) I have no credit. I screwed up my credit way back in my 20s, then spent my 30s clearing it up and paying everybody. Then I spent my 40s not using credit at all. Arrived at 50 debt-free.
Rik, sorry for all the bad shit you’ve been going through lately. I hope you do follow through with getting an annulment from your (hopefully soon-to-be ex-) wife.
Good to see you back.
The people recording marriages may not in fact be connected to law enforcement. If whatever ID she showed looked legit they would have no reason to question it.
If you have a warrent pretty much you have to have some sort of contact with law enforcement for it to be noticed and enforced. Traffic stops are a pretty common way for that to happen. Or traffic accidents.
Make sure you follow through on that.
Uh-oh…
Doesn’t matter if you use credit or not - you NEED to check your credit. I was alerted to identity theft when bill collectors started calling me demanding payment on loans I had never made in states I had never visited. I got that sorted out, but if she has your name, address, SS#, birth date… well, she can become you. Or sell “you” to someone else. This can cause all sorts of problems for you. Until you can prove that the person(s) who did the Bad Things aren’t you YOU are assumed to be the guilty party.
Protect yourself.
Just make sure the “wife” doesn’t have access.
Heh. I recently went to my bank and added her as somebody who can access my bank account when I die. I’ll be going to reverse that. I’ll also be requesting yet another new debit card (I already changed it a couple months ago after I discovered somebody in Minnesota trying to use the previous number) just in case she somehow memorized the current number.
Heh, good on you for finally dealing with the situation. Sounds like it would’ve just led to a worse train wreck if it went on for much longer.
To save you all any future headaches, could I recommend you have a written agreement with regards to this, e.g. http://blog.sabbaticalhomes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/VehicleUse1.pdf
Best of luck with the annulment.
I’ve been following, but haven’t had much to say that hasn’t already been said by others. I will jump in here now and say I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think the lies and deception and betrayal are starting to sink in. Perhaps she did love you as you loved her, but manipulators and narcissists really only love themselves.
When I was around forty, single, and unmarried, I met someone and fell in love and agreed to marry him. (I was feeling like I was fat, forty, and unfuckable) It was very exciting, and we went as far as getting a marriage licence and wedding rings, that I paid for.
While we were together, and without my knowledge, he managed to apply for a credit card in my name, which he scooped out of the mail when it arrived. I found out because I just happened to be home when the credit card company called to tell me there had been some activity on the card. It had a $25,000 limit - that I would have been liable for.
I was still in love, allowed him to keep the card, but with only a $500 limit. When we called off the wedding, and he moved out, he had statements sent to his new place and promised to pay off the card.
Six months later, my line of credit is cancelled and debt collectors are calling me. With fees and other charges, I ended up owing about $900 on the card. Not as bad as it could have been, at least.
So check your credit, as advised.
Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?
Right, people steal the identities of babies and dead people, and those two groups aren’t known for credit usage either 
It would be a shame, after taking all that time to repair your credit and being able to live debt free, to get your identity stolen and wreck all the effort you put into it.
Rik, best wishes on your continued life journey. Hopefully you will see some value to this experience down the road and apply it to make yourself better.