The voices in my head don’t bother me. The fact that I can’t even figure out what language they are speaking does bother me. Somewhere in all that is an insight into my personality.
The meek may inherit the Earth, but they will have to hire a Marshal to evict the aggressive.
Marta told me to never judge a book by its cover. Then she got all angry at me for reading a book which had the words “Marta’s Diary, Keep Out” on its cover. Gee, Marta, make up your mind.
We as a country need to be more proactive in maintaining our borders. That’s why I support the wall on our border with space, to keep meteorites from taking the jobs of hard-working gravel. Nice try, alien rocks.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. They don’t tell you that the mouth is the doorway to the part that hates Windex and wants you to keep at least five hundred yards away at all times.
When you’re giving a speech in front of a large group, like a church club, a neat trick is to imagine everyone’s naked, so you’re less nervous about the speech you have to give. Another neat trick is to yell “Ha ha, you’re all naked!” while you run out of the door, so you don’t have to give the dumb speech anyway.
As far as I’m concerned, Branson is every bit as good as Venice. That’s why I’m no longer a travel agent.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
Why would I want to have cake if I cannot eat it?
Maybe this one was made up by politicians who never HAVE cake, they just eat everyone else’s.
In my experience, an apple a day only keeps the doctor away if you throw it at him. Granny Smith’s are good in that regard.
Thank you. I’ve contacted the three sources and they’ve apologized and added a note of recognition.
No matter how much you baby it, your car does not love you.
You have made your cake, and you must lie in it.
If “slim chance” means the probability of something is low, “fat chance” should mean the probability is high. Change approved.
Climbing a mountain ‘because it’s there’ makes about as much sense as cutting off your finger because it’s sticking out.
I feel strongly that the “Slow Children” signs are not politically correct.
“Baby on board” sounds to me like a menu item.
Children should not be seen nor heard. They should be penned up until age 20, as god intended.
When information is generated, even more entropy is increased. To balance the books, as it were.
The SDMB: Contributing to the heat death of the Universe since 1999.
Time will tell. Never trust it with with any of your secrets.
What goes around comes around. Until you get off the ride.
Avoid bald faced liars. Hang out with ones who have beards.
Also ignore bold faced liars.
Italicized liars and underlined liars are much more fun
Every time God closes a door He opens a window. God obviously has OCD. This explains why cleanliness is next to Godliness. I hope I remember to wash underneath my fingernails before I die so I don’t have to go through an isopropyl soak before the Pearly Gates.
Check with Westboro about that.
Behind every silver lining is a bloody great black cloud.
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know…oh, wait. They’re listed on the inside box top.
Reality has no need to slow down when it’s passing strange.
Is it bad form to tell a bride “I hope your wedding goes off without a hitch!”?