Given how often LOTR pops up, tell everyone that the trilogy is stupid because the Eagles could simply have dropped Frodo off at Mt. Doom.
… and they will defend their skeevy opinions by claiming everyone really thinks this way, but they are the only one brave enough to admit it.
The most hated doper will display exhibit all of the following (far from exhaustive) list of behaviours:
[ul]
[li] They will say ‘ORLY’ in response to reasoned arguments.[/li][li] They will use lol, lmfao, rotfl, and other tell-tale phrases of the pre-teen chatroom dipshit.[/li][li] Their cites will always link to 15 year old geocities pages with gaudy, multi-coloured comic-sans text, no references, and grammatical errors.[/li][li] They will make a point of not spelling or punctuating properly. When called on it, they will defend their malfeasance by arguing “This is just how I express myself. I’m an individual, dontcha know?”[/li][li] They will believe every flavour of bullshit, nonsense, anti-scientific drivel, citing the screeds of homeopaths and flat-earthers as though they were holy writ, and disregarding science and reason on principle. They will display an extreme distrust in, and hostility towards, the scientific establishment, likely believing in a variety of conspiracy theories concerning their veracity.[/li][li] They will write shitty poetry and inflict it on the rest of us. In GD threads.[/li][li] In CS, they will argue that their preferred genres of music and film are innately superior to all others.[/li][li] They will be racist, sexist, and homophobic, although not quite enough to be banned.[/li][li] They will believe that all forms of government intervention in any aspect of life constitutes “slavery”.[/li][li] They will be opposed to charity on principle, citing social Darwinistic pablum about the “Surivival of the fittest”.[/li][li] They will generally be stupid, uncomprehending assholes.[/li][li] They will never, ever, give up an argument. They will defend their nonsense perspectives until the heat-death of the universe, swimming valiantly through opposing tides of fact and reason like Jack Lalanne, loaded down with 140lbs of bullshit, battling his way down the Golden Gate bridge. They never get bored, and nothing can put them off.[/li][li] When replying to eight different people, they will make eight separate posts, quoting the entire post to which they are responding, even if it’s 3 pages long and they’re only saying “ORLY”.[/li][li] They will start innumerable MPSIMS threads about how shitty their life is and how they’re so depressed, but will nitpick and find fault with every well-intentioned piece of advice they receive.[/li][li] They will generally be stupid, uncomprehending assholes. This one bears repeating.[/li][/ul]
I was thinking that The Hated Doper would eventually resort to the term “hive mind”. It’s usually used to discount anything a liberal says: “Well, you’re just saying that because everyone on the Straight Dope has to parrot the party line”.
And then I opened up a thread this morning to see the phrase:
A hat trick of labels! Or rather, libels…
When someone quotes an expert on the subject, they will respond with a personal attack (“You quoted child predator expert Andrew Vachss? He’s only a mystery writer whose missing an eye.”)
Hey, I never do poetry!
aww shit, limericks are poetry aren’t they?
Worse, I think, is replying to eight different posters in a single post, while parsing every single sentence in every post and responding to it individually at great length.
It just struck me – we don’t have to design a Worst Doper, we just have to recruit Orly Taitz and we’ll have one ready-made.
They must start provocative threads, with viewpoints that have no cites to back them up, and then never return to the thread when Dopers start pointing out how wrong they are.
In other words, “If I can’t have it my way, I’ll take my toys and go home!”
I thought of another one.
Said most hated poster must absolutely, positively believe that people who hold certain beliefs(religious, political, scientific) are stupid, hateful, misguided or deliberately evil. Under no circumstances will they ever admit that someone, who holds the beliefs they despise, can be a good person, or hold valid opinions on other subjects.
Another one: They post threads GD with little content besides a YouTube video an hour long and seriously expect us to sit through it. Bonus points if the video concerns creationism, 9/11 conspiracy theories, or pro-life propaganda that would make Randall Terry post a comment of “Tone it down a bit”.
Bonus points also if the link is so poorly described that you have no idea whether it’s safe for work, or even what it is.
They must obssesively denounce all religions (especially Christians), and Republicans as utterly evil and operating only from the evilest of motives.
Is it OK to have a particular poster in mind when I say this?
…Is proudly ignorant of spell check, and makes numerous typos in every post, including the post title.
Which would almost be forgivable, if the posts weren’t so inane.
I think the most frustrating of all people to talk to is the dishonest devil’s advocate. If they opine and people agree, that was their position. But if they opine and people don’t agree, why that was NEVER their position and they didn’t CLAIM it was their position and they don’t want to talk about their OWN position, no, they are just here to clear up the terrible ignorance and backwardness of everyone else.
Yeah, two posters come immediately to mind, why do you ask?
They must be infant Asian Germanophiles, who lust after the creamy white skin of inbred Mormons.
They must be Evangelical Christian, and obsessively conservative Republicans, who can always be forgiven for writing BS, as they are young and still learning.
I think you are pushing the rules of the OP based on a technicality. Plus, it isn’t true. Lot’s of people would appreciate such a person at least a little so it couldn’t be a worst case scenario.
Rules or no rules, I laughed.
Like the person alluded to didn’t do the same thing?
I can’t believe no-one’s mentioned this yet:
-
They must be vociferously anti-tipping. Even more hard-line than Mr Pink.
-
Posts in every thread where someone expresses a dislike or issue with their job (no matter how minor) that the poster should “go and get another job” if they hate theirs so much, or that they should stop whining because so many people live on the equivalent of a ha’penny a day or something equally destitute.
-
Must hate cats. Not be indifferent to them, but actually hate them.