They will also insist they didn’t even play their own instruments
I think AClockworkMelon is also VERY FUNNY DAMMIT!. If you bastards scare him off!
Oh, crap, he started the whole thing …
“I’m on the unlimited plan!”
Asks for advice, then vehemently refuses to even -consider- taking the advice given.
(Note: I almost was very guilty of this myself.)
Not just disbelieving of evolution, our poster must constantly post “gotcha” OPs that always start with, “If evolution is real…”.
In General Questions, rather than ever post an answer, the poster must instead find fault with the question asked.
Yep. I hates that.
1.) They post extemely personal matters and get upset when they are criticized for it.
2.) They cannot tolerate a list with fewer than 3 items.
3.) Hi Opal!
/yells “Grenade!” …then ducks and runs.
They register to reply to a 12 year thread about pipe fittings. They register to start bizarre relationship threads about their alleged adulterous spouse and their deceptive brother in law and never return with the outcome. They type in text speak acronyms. They reply in threads about topics they have no interest in other than to snark about the irrelevance of the topic. They start threads about common sense topics. They start threads seeking advice, when they don’t get the advice they were really seeking they dismiss everyone in the thread. They are generally intolerant…of gays, religious people, conservatives, liberals, anti-pet people, people not like themselves. They start threads about date formatting in excel and sorting columns. They start threads about their brother’s recent arrest and seeking advice on what to do. They start threads seeking financial planning advice about the recent $500 windfall they received. They start threads about a pain they recently developed on their lower back seeking advice about what may be causing it. They start threads about something negative their s.o. Did and are suprised when the majority of responses are to dump the mf. They actually believe they can change someone else’s steadfast opinion by mocking the other person. They justify their unhealthy lifestyle choice by seeing everyone else as a zealot. They don’t know where the caps lock key is.
WIN!
Double funny if you had seen the Paterno defender in that thread going for the sorry Charlie Sheen style of debating.
A Republican, card carrying lifetime NRA member who wears a PITA T shirt. Employed by the Westboro Baptist Church to design protest signs for funerals. He proselytizing door to door in his spare time delivering messages of hopeless doom. On weekends he delivers anti-gay, misogynic messages, over a loud speaker, from the back of his H1 Hummer illegally parked in a handicapped parking space. And, of course, he uses GD as his personal blog to keep score of his victories over the unwashed masses while accumulating an average of 5000 posts a month.
… or have a <Return> key or understand how the write out a list.
LOL you mean like this, this, or maybe this? Or just the typical Pain In The Ass.
Someone who frequently starts the sort of Pit threads that backfire on the OP- you know, things like “I pit the overexcited morons who called the police on me just because I was having a small game of puppy-punting in my own backyard”.
I was gonna go to the marianas trench and throw shit in but then I took a 1920’s style death ray to the knee.
Begins a thread with
“You all are going to accuse me of being a racist when I say this but…”
Believes that science and evidence based reasoning are a religion, and that their gut feeling about things trump whatever scientists may say.
There’s only a few types of posters that really chaps my nipples:
• It’s one thing to nitpick on a fact or two, especially if it’ll really clear up common misconceptions. But when certain posters zero in, like a hyper-focused pedant, using semantics incorrectly by talking past everyone else, to arm wrestle some esoteric, abstract point; it just derails the discussion.
Moral: Know when to shut the fuck up, if not for simplicity’s sake, then not to discourage 90% of the participants in the thread in losing interest as two or three people talk in circles over some obscure tangent.
• Yes, all us SDMB stalwarts are annoyed by misspellings. But, most of the time, it’s due to common oversight, typos, and nowadays, auto-correct (ironically). Not everyone of us can afford our own copy editor, before we hit submit.
Moral: if 95% of the communication is acceptable, no need to get all bent out of shape over “their, they’re, there”; “it’s, its”; or even “principal vs. principle.” It happens to all of us. Just breathe.
• Socially conservative republicans.
Moral: Times change; they always have. Things aren’t worse now, they’re just shitty in a different way you’re used to. Stop being an anchor on the rest of society.
• Critique my web design!
Moral: if you have to ask strangers on a non-design-centric message board, it sucks ass.
I don’t think I hate anyone on the Dope, but I’d imagine a poster who…
- Recounts the same odd, mildly taboo anecdote in every thread they post in, likely the subject of a closet fetish.
- Fervently believes that Ayn Rand’s beliefs were not extreme enough, and never misses an opportunity to say it. Lives on welfare.
- Responds to this thread with no intention of being amusing or insightful. Bonus points if their join date is this month, if they have at least one other poster in mind, or if they never forget being mocked ten years ago.
- Only ever starts GD threads, and only ever in GQ. (Well, admittedly this might get them banned after a while- right?)
- Thinks they’re an enlightened misfit for hating one or all of the following: Ke$ha, the GOP, Twilight, being mauled by sharks.
- Insists that, rather than luck/their bad habits/laziness, some tragic aspect of their childhood is to blame for all their problems.
- Diagnoses self with debilitating condition, whether physical or mental, so that they can join some kind of unofficial club.
That’s fine, if they actually bring new info on pipe fittings.
It’s not like, say, someone who tries to defend Scientology from a position of nigh-complete ignorance (“They belief in an -ology of science! How can you dis that!”); while being, simultaneously, anti-France and anti-Israel, both insistently, and both for obscure reasons.
And even that person I might not hate so much, because it’s hard to hate the obviously mentally ill as much as certain self-righteous people who enter GD threads to talk about how they are just laughing at all of us. :rolleyes:
The complete body of work of Joss Whedon: not just dislike or not-like some piece or another, but diss anything from the first wobbly-spelled “I lov yu Mom” Mama Whedon got when Joss was in kindergarten to every project he’s working on at the time of the posting.
Does not use proper grammar, punctuation, capitalization or spelling. Ever. Even that name signed after every post gets misspelled on occasion. Their posts are always colored; uniformly colored in most forums, but rainbow-like in GQ and “please someone shut this off aieee” in GD (where the amount of smileys also gets higher than in their other posts).
You’ve perfectly expressed that - I was thinking something similar but didn’t know quite how to explain it.
I would also add:
- consistently implies that other posters are naive and don’t understand what is ‘really’ going on, in order to dimiss their arguments
- reponds to jokes made by other posters as if they are serious, but will claim that other people ‘can’t take a joke’ in their own posts
And for good reason! Unless it’s the 4th down, punting puppies is a Hail Mary move.
Also, they have to have extremely skeevy opinions, but technically not admit or advocate anything illegal. Like, say, the guy who would never dream of breaking any laws, but he sure wishes those pesky statuary-rape laws would be repealed so he could date hot four-year-olds.
Cesario did eventually get banned for bringing up pedophilia in every frickin post. But say someone would just bring it up every once in a while. Not enough to be bannable, but enough to make everyone uncomfortable.