I need 7 dead squirrels. Preferably in good shape. No guts spilling out of their stomach, or severed limbs or anything like that. The physical appearance of the squirrels needs to be such that I can claim I didn’t kill them myself. Any ideas on the best way to get them? Best = cheapest and least time.
I live in a major metropolitan area, and don’t own a gun, so shooting the squirrels myself is out. Scraping them off the road won’t work well either, because they’ll be smashed to pieces. I need good, solid carcasses, freshly killed.
I am very open to poison. Advice from someone with personal experience in this area would be immensely appreciated. Suggested methods of application would be good as well.
Well, according to my copy of Barron’s Dictionary of Legal Terms, murder is “unlawful killing of another human being with premeditated intent or malice aforethought.” My copy of the Oxford American Dictionary concurs that an essential factor for something to be murder is that it involve a human. So, I guess you can rest easy on that count. Perhaps “slaughter” would be a more accurate term to use.
Funny list there, SouthernStyle. “25. Squirrel - the other, “other” white meat” might possibly qualify.
Inky, I tried calling animal control with that very idea in mind. I claimed I needed them for an anatomy experiment. They said they basically bury the animals ASAP after they scrape them off the road, and that it’s not really possible to get ahold of them (even for a good cause.) I don’t know what a CueCat is. Is it a skunk? I don’t think that would really work but thanks for the offer. If it’s something squirrel sized, let’s talk
I guess a lot of people don’t view squirrels as the enemy of mankind as I do. I know they look cute and fuzzy, but just look at those beady little eyes. Deep down they want to claw your throat out.
Actually, in all seriousness, squirrels are vermin, and that’s why I don’t really have a problem with killing them. I wouldn’t go around trying to kill people’s house cats or something. To quote dictionary.com
Heheh, ironically, by 3a, I’m sure some of the people who’ve viewed this thread consider me vermin. Well, ya gotta fight fire with fire.
To update:
I haven’t acquired any squirrels yet, through killing or any other means, I and probably don’t have time in the immediate future. This is still on my long term “to do” list though.
You know, there are a couple of cats in my neighborhood that I wouldn’t mind seeing gone. They like to get up on my vehicles and scratch the paint. Plus one of them is sick and tends to secrete an acidic substance that is just murder on the finish.
They may be slightly large for what you have in mind, though.
