I was away on business on Valentine’s Day. On returning home, I saw a cardboard box in the garage that I assumed was my Valentine’s Day present from my wife. Part of the writing on the box was obscured by the shipping label. It said “R[sticker]ot Assassin”. I thought, cool! My wife got me a Robot Assassin! And I immediately started thinking about who I wanted to have taken out.
Turns out, it was “Root Assassin”, some kind of gardening tool she had ordered. 
Are you sure it’s a gardening implement? It really does sound like the adorable sapling of a small sentient plant creature that will grow up to be a huge tree-like assassin, impaling and strangling your enemies while shouting “I AM ROOT.” 
ETA: You wouldn’t happen to be a genetically-engineered raccoon, would you?
I’m reminded of the thread from a couple years ago titled “horizontal buttonhole”. Multiple people, myself included, misread that one and were sadly disappointed by the content of the OP. I think less than half the responses were actually on topic.