I don’t like the dirty talk, actually. I find it embarrassing, and I never know how to react or respond. I like this guy *despite *his penchant for dirty talk. But if he doesn’t knock it off, I won’t be into him for very long.
'Sides, I like variety. My husband couldn’t possibly be every thing I find attractive in a person, because some of them are mutually exclusive. That’s a large part of why we have a happily open marriage.
I *do *like pulling hair, smacks to the rear and gentle nibbles building to strong bites, however.
Oooh! And a firm hand on the throat every now and then. Or maybe that’s just me.
I always thought a few sexy mumbles were a natural part of sex. A little moan, a little grown, a little sexy talk. Sometimes the man may not talk at all, but even then, I ususally expected a bit of grunt and groan at the climax.
My husband is a talker though. Not all through the whole event, but at the appropriate times.
I have never been with a white man, but I assumed that most of them are pretty vocal too.
I have never been with any black men, so my experience is with white men.
I have been with a few guys that talk dirty. One was more with text and in the bedroom and with him it was a total turn on because he backed up what he said. It wasn’t like talking dirty and then we made love… lol
Though I have been with one guy (who happens to be my ex-husband), when I told him at one point it was a turn on… he decided to try it out. In the middle of the “act” he was talking and trying to be all dirty. At first I just tried to ignore him because he was pretty bad at it… but then ultimately I told him to shut the fuck up. It sort of killed the mood.
Nothing in the world is worse than a guy who is totally silent. First of all, it makes me think I’m not doing my job (which in turn makes me up my game. … . wait, damnit, maybe that’s what they’re trying to accomplish! ). More importantly though, it’s just boring. I can’t stand the guys who just do their thing with a look of super concentration upon their faces, silent as a friggin’ monk.
One of my exes (white, go figure) was a bit like the above- though a few times he would moan or whatever. Anywho, I figured I’d try to get him to dirty talk. While we were having sex, I pulled my hips away, snapped my legs shut, and said, “If you want to fuck me, you have to tell me what you want me to do.” He turned BRIGHT RED when I said “fuck me” and sort of giggled and mumbled in response. I said, “Excuse me? What do you want me to do?” Him: “You know. . .” Me: “No, actually, I don’t. So tell me what you want me to do. I want to hear you tell me.” Him (turning even redder): “You know. . .”
After that exchange, this was me: :dubious: :rolleyes: Then throw in a bored face for good measure. For what it’s worth, later he went on and on about how hot it was when I said that and how much he loves the talking I do in bed. So, I just think he is incredibly shy.
My posts to this thread have read like Penthouse letters, maybe I should stop that heh.
See…I agree with this too! There’s a happy medium somewhere along the spectrum of dirty talk. When the mood is just right, it can be amazing, and yes, I agree that stone silent doesn’t work, either. I guess it’s just the really explicit stuff outside the bedroom that bothers me - and even the first comment doesn’t bother me so much, 'cause it’s hot to think that he’s thinking of that. A single murmured comment followed by a guy walking away silent looks and smiles from across the crowded room for the next hour - WOOO hot! But I don’t need to hear about my clit every 20 seconds the whole night when we’re not actually having sex. It stops feeling sincere if it’s overused.
Good lord, no wonder I don’t date much. I’m hard to please.
WhyNot, such a good question, but why can’t we call it sexually open talk rather than Dirty talk? I know you are very wonderfully open minded, so are not pushing it aside out of any prudishness. My experience with Black guys in the South is that talk gets explicit, and often in an exciting way, some guys were pure genius with it, and in ways that would make me laugh in that genius, in joy, but have to say, “man, sorry, it ain’t the time for me, but I love ya for sweet trying.” Lots of those guys were good brother friends then; guess what I’m trying to say is that those sexual overtures shouldn’t be thought of as threatening, as a white gal. It’s a different soliquoe.
You, know, too, that the same wonderful impetus of a more open sexuality than our European mode has resulted in the best music of our time, from jazz, blues, to rhythm and blues, to rock and roll, and now rap. Those whisperings in your ear have always been codified into the best music on this planet, with all human ache and love. Dirty talk is love.
That’s pretty powerful, the idea of having the same things whispered into your ear that inspired some of the great blues musicians in history. Almost makes me wish I were female.
I’ve never dated a black guy, but I’ll say this - most of the guys I’ve dated were Asian, and I think all of them would have been horrified at the idea of dirty talk in the bedroom. Out of the white guys I’ve dated, only one has been into it, and it’s been rather mild, I suppose, as these things go. He liked it when I talked dirty to him, which I didn’t mind at all in the moment but always found mildly embarassing afterwards. A result of my conservative Korean/Catholic upbringing, I think.
HazelNutCoffee, your last post has proven the following hypothesis, which this thread seems as good a place as any to throw out there, and, hey, keep in mind, I’m just throwing it out there:
I swear you get hotter with every single post.
I won’t go into details about who wants to tear whose what and how, since we are in public.
That’s a good question. I guess I use “dirty talk” because that’s how it makes me feel - dirty and embarrassed. Plus, colloquially, y’all knew what I meant just by reading the title. I didn’t want you thinking I was asking about sex with a gynecologist.
“Sexually open talk” connotes, to me, medically accurate and clinical: “Darling, I am going to spread your labia major with my fingertips and lick your clitoris until you gasp my name rhythmically.” Either that or a frank discussion about STDs and potential pregnancy options. It’s a world away from, “Oh, baby, I’m gonna suck that clit and tear your shit 'till you lose your mind!”
Yeah, when it works, it’s a great blues riff. When it doesn’t, it’s Smoove B.
I can see how the fact that she was molested would ruin the mood. But ‘daddy’ is my favorite pet name to use. In the bedroom, and sometimes, when I’m feeling saucy, outside of the bedroom too.
I’ve got nothing against dirty talk (it can be quite fun), but I can’t help think that there might be some sort of racially-oriented thing driving this, i.e. “I’m gonna get back at my oppressors by fucking their women and degrading them” and that the women involved think that the guy’s just extraordinarily turned on.
But hey, whatever floats your boat; I have absolutely no problem with it, as long as you know for sure you’re not just being a dupe. Even then, if being a dupe is your fantasy there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, either!
Then again (again), I’m probably just over-thinking it; sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. :o
My personal experience has been with under 10 white guys. None of them were into dirty talk for dirty talks’ own sweet sake. If it was shyness or if the Dutch prevailing Feminist Streak of PC-ness had beaten all the talk out of them, I don’t know. But I never got anything but polite requests, and proposals along the lines of “Can you put your leg over here?”.
The really confident Dutch white guys I met and observed, also never got explicit when they were chatting up girls. Such a guy would ask “come over to my place sometime and I’ll cook you dinner” accompanied by a sensual promising grin, rather then the kind of lines Diosa got.
The only guy I met who really flirted in a more explicit way, was indeed a black guy. I was in a room with him and a female friend, the friend having a bit of a crush on this guy. He dared us that he would get naked; and when I said: “go ahead” he backpedalled. But the dare in itself was not something I’d ever see a white guy do, unless he was really, really drunk.
I was in a hurry yesterday, and didn’t have time to finish, so…To the OP:
I have some pretty good drinking buddies, 4 of whom are black. Whenever we would be hanging out, everyone would flirt and try to pick up wimmins.
These guys got girls with military efficiency.
When questioned on “How the hell…?”, they just shrugged- Basically, we white boys were trying to get laid AND find a potential wife. It was just how we were wired. Small talk, buy drinks, get number, wait 3 days, call, date…a bit of a drawn out process. What they were doing was keeping their eyes on the prize, and not thinking of the future. Well, no further than that evening.
So they would scan the bar, find the girl that looked like she had pretty low self-esteem, go talk trash, she would find the attention pleasing, and then take her home. One dude was a former recruiter for the Marines, so he would use a lot of those same techniques- Especially the “This is your only chance! Gotta make up your mind now!” play that car dealers are known for as well. Dirty talk was a huge part of the whole attack, because it gave the impression of the girl being the only person in the world that he would ever want to have sex with.
Yes, I agree, gigi, whiteboys are probably just as interested in the score. But Maastricht’s observation may be relevant (and this need not be related to feminism at all, old-time "courtly manners"can have the same effect) and it may be that socioculturally, the “white male” cohort has been much more intensely cowed into fearing the slapping of the face and kicking of the nuts (actual or symbolic).
Me, hell, by US cultural standards I am neither a “white boy” nor a brother (being Puerto Rican) but it would be tough for me to try filthy explicit language during the enticement phase. Oh, sure, I’d employ double entendre, nudge-and-wink type, euphemism, metaphor and simile, etc, during preflight prep, but real raunch would have to wait for after, um, launch decision. Then again maybe that’s just what being in the mid-40s does to you…
I’m a white guy and I’d love a little dirty talk. At my age, I need all the help I can get. Alas, my darling Marcie will neither talk the talk nor listen to the talk being talked. She’s white, too, if that matters.
). More importantly though, it’s just boring. I can’t stand the guys who just do their thing with a look of super concentration upon their faces, silent as a friggin’ monk.
Then throw in a bored face for good measure. For what it’s worth, later he went on and on about how hot it was when I said that and how much he loves the talking I do in bed. So, I just think he is incredibly shy.