I am 26 years old. I hate to brag but I am not unattractive. I have been called handsome. I have been described as ‘cute’ so many time I can puke. I have documented proof an actual human woman considers me hot. I am quite adequately endowed (proof of that provided upon request)…but I just don’t get laid.
Now I don’t want this post to be about me. But I was just wondering…I know of many men who (not to sound full of my self) who seem not to have anything going for them at all who screw like tom-rabbits. Yet I am perpetually sans sex, bereft of nookie, and non intercoursing.
I am thinking that as much as I crave hot action with women, I subconsciously refrain because of some defense mechanism. Is this something that happens to other people? Why is it people who seem to have a lot going for them, mentally and physically, just don’t get it on like dumb slobs do.
No, and IMO this is the real difference between guys who are always getting some, and guys who aren’t. If you know one of those who “seem not to have anything going for them at all who screw like tom-rabbits”, ask them. I’ll lay odds that they ask a bunch of women out for every one they connect with.
Fear of rejection will screw you in two ways. First, you are less likely to ask someone out - just how can you get a date if you don’t ask? Wait for someone to ask you?
Secondly, it will erode your self-confidence, and self-confidence is, IMO, the most important attractant you can have. Have you ever seen someone who is not attractive by the common definition but has swarms of people around him or her? That person probably has a load of self-confidence.
I don’t understand…excellent film references like that should be getting you more tail than you know what to do with. Have you tried switching deoderants?
If it is preventing you from getting what you want, I would hardly call it a defense mechanism. As for why the dumb slobs get lucky, I don’t think they do. They just hit on a lot of women and don’t care if they get shot down. The approach appears to work often simply through sheer numbers. [channeling Manda JO]Or maybe they got some goofy pheromones that drive the ladies wild. Or maybe they are really good listeners. Or maybe they are fantastic in bed.[/channeling]
I like sex, too. I just sort of let it happen if it happens. Of course, if I REALLY want sex, I have pretty much sure-fire ways of getting it, but I don’t think that really applies to straight people (sorry!)
Anyway, I second the bit about fearing rejection. I don’t understand it (you’d think that having a hot guy desperate for sex with you would be a turn-on) but I’ve scored least when I’ve really been nervous and horny while trying to meet someone. I know it doesn’t really help to say “Don’t fear rejection” but if you could develop a more blasé attitude, the least it could do would be to soften the blow.
Trying to take a more serious aproach to cuate’s query. A fear of rejection operates in many people, on many levels. It certainly worked on me for several years of my life.
Or so I thought.
I came to finally feel that it was more a fear of success. I knew failure, it was familiar territory - egad(!) - if I should succeed, what’ll I do then?
That part is meant to apply more gobally to life in general.
But it can apply to the specific query regarding the OP’s relationships with women. Go ahead and take the chance! Bomb out with a few! It will ultimately heighten the potential for you hooking up with someone with whom you’re a good fit; as opposed to you finally hooking up with a gal for whom you degrade various ideals over time just to keep it going.
I think it is all a question of inner confidence which will manifest it self as outward attitude. As a girly who generally doesn’t have much luck with men I asked a good male friend his honest opinion and he said that I came across as friendly, open, smart, funny etc but that subconciously I was giving out ‘Don’t try to invade my personal space’ messages to men.
My advice to anyone - belief in yourself and try it out with women the worst she could say is no (and if you have all the qualities you say in the OP I don’t think it will be a problem)
Hah. I’m butt-ugly and proud of it. I’ve come to accept it. But do I employ a self-defense mechanism, especially for hot babes. The more attractive a female is, the less approachable she becomes to someone who doesn’t know her, because frequently females who are attractive know they are (because guys and gals alike tell them so over and over); because they know they’re attractive, they feel more confident in picking and choosing who they want to interact with. Anyway, it always comes down to, “Why bother saying anything, she probably thinks she’s out of my league anyway, so I’ll save myself the time.” Yep, very fatalistic, and certainly as a result I get none - but I’m pretty sure that’d be the outcome anyway. I know this because when I do say something, I get shot done. Every time. I’m not stupid; I learn from experience.
For what it is worth, I never dated much in high school because girls always referred to me as “marriage material” as opposed to “dating material” meaning I was not the one to fool around with, I was the one to settle down with.
It sucks los bolos right now, I am hoping it comes through later on in life.
