I have a weird dilemma - my friend just moved into a new, fancy condo on the other side of the city from me. She used to live 2 blocks away and now when we want to see each other, it’s either a $12-$15 cab ride (ONE way) or a long ass commute using public transportation. I can’t drive either, since I live in the city and have no parking spots to come home to (which equals about a 30 minute search for a parking spot). So, since she has moved, she always wants us to come overe there now, but, getting there and back is getting to be rather expensive! I have mentioned this before, but it does not really phase her… we always have to go there to drink, grill out, meet, etc… She has a parking spot with a garage space too, and makes more than double what I do. So am I selfish here? Should I just start making excuses not to come over anymore or tell her maybe we can split the time between our places more evenly? She’s a good friend and I don’t want to hurt her feelings… but I’m trying to save my $$ right now and this commuting is wearing me thin!
Next time she invites you over just say - “I’d love to, but I’ve got no money. Want to come round to mine?”
Yes! Compromise with her. Like this:
Ok, it’s your turn to pay the 12 bucks…
Next time,
You paid last time, it’s my turn…
You just have to put your foot down. Friendship is a two-way street, and she has to learn to do some travelling on it. I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but her selfishness is obviously making life difficult for you, and if it continues it could end up compromising your friendship.
I don’t think you are being selfish, just fiscally sensitive. She has a new place and probably wants to show it off a bit. Natural. Let her know the truth – that you enjoy seeing her and love her new place (OK, I don’t know about the latter), but you’re trying to save money and the cost of travel is starting to add up. She has to understand that, and if she doesn’t, then well…
Rather than talk about how it’s financially hard on you to get from one place to ther other, simply invite her to your place for dinner, a movie, or whatever sort of thing you’d do at her place. If you actually plan the event and pick a date, she’d almost certainly come. Eventually you can probably work it out to a point where you take turns playing host.
I whole-heartedly agree with Orange Skinner. Even if she invites you, there should be nothing wrong with you simply saying “Can we do it at my place instead?” You probably don’t have to bring up the money thing unless she refuses to come to your place on a regular basis.
This makes me think of a friend I had. She drove and was a bit better off financially than I was. I had no car. I was always taking a bus to her (a city bus, then a Greyhound bus, then a city bus). I tried to get her to come to me, but no go. She’d initially agree, and then at the last moment something would come up. One time I even offered to pay her gas (because she was complaining about it) if she’d come out, and she declined. I don’t live like a pig and she was quite happy to see me when I went there. . . shrug Who knows why? I did stop going out, though. I was tired of making all the effort.
I wouldn’t bring up the money part yet. I’d start by making definite plans for your place. Let her turn you down if she so wishes, but don’t go there as frequently. Continue setting up plans for your place. See what happens with that before bringing up the money part. Maybe she’ll come around (realizing it’s been a while since she has seen you), or maybe she won’t–and in that case you can point out how long it’s been since you’ve seen her and why you can’t always go to her.