But that answer is oh so stock, which isn’t anything indicative of intelligence. Compassion, sure. A knowledge of world events, yes. Intelligence? Iffy. It doesn’t take more intelligence to throw out an answer like that than a habit of reading newspapers daily.
[/threadjack]
There is a difference between being smart and being intellectual. “smart” is a statement about your brain, “intellectual” is a statement about your personality. I think that some men will be turned off by smart women, due to their own insecurities. Far more men, however, will be turned off by intellectual women.
Intellectual people want to have deep conversations about world events, philosophy, blah blah blah. People who are not intellectual will feel either bored or inferior. Are you constantly driving conversation towards intellectual subjects?
Me personally, as long as you’re not a total bubblehead, I’m not too worried about smarts, I find that most people are smart enough to hold their end of a conversation. Intellectuality, OTOH, I can only deal with so much of.
Stock for who, exactly? The way things are, a lot of people are lucky if they can find Earth on a globe. Simply being aware of the closely-tied problems of third-world debt and grossly insufficient health-care infrastructure, even as expressed in that oversimplified analysis, is still pretty far ahead of the curve.
I can see “stock” if you’re talking about, say, regular listeners of NPR (or, alternatively, SDMB members), but as far as the general population goes, even that degree of understanding is pretty rare. And maybe that’s something to consider for the overall topic: How exactly is “smart” defined (the various objections above to book-learnin’ as a criterion show the difficulty of this), and perhaps more importantly in comparison to whom?
Hell, yes. Intelligent women all the way.
Especially if
a) they’re knowledgeable in spheres I’m not and
b) they don’t call me out for not using complete sentences.
I’ve dated women who either weren’t particularly intellectual or who weren’t secure enough to let their intellect show. I don’t like the feeling that I’m carrying an entire conversation. People say communication is key in a relationship. I think intellect feeds communication, so yeah smart chicks rule.
I just don’t know.
I read all these words about how intelligence sooo attractive, but I know a lot of smart people and a lot of not-so-smart people. Seems the smart and physically unattractive ones spend lot of time alone(but not by choice). Not so with the not-so-smart and physically beautiful. I doubt that intelligence is the determining factor…
Maybe I just hang around a lower class of folks.
I’m sure wit and intelligence can make someone more attractive, but…
While I wouldn’t suggest that this is a good way to go about being “smart”, I would suggest that not all smart people like to read. My brother-in-law is very intelligent and he (sometimes proudly) claims he hasn’t read a book since he finished college 12 years ago. He has a degree from one of the top five engineering schools in the US and runs a very successful company that he co-founded.
So, while the statisitics are probably with you to assume that not reading=stupid, it isn’t always the case.
Would you like me to e-mail you my 15-page research/proposal paper on what needs to be done in Africa to solve the AIDS problem? It was titled “Holocaust Against the Poor” (not my phrase, sadly). I wrote it for my Contemporary African Politics class a few weeks ago. Would that make me smart? I got an A.
And (slight hijack) if so many people are thinking about and reading about the problem so as to make my consideration of it “stock”, why isn’t anything being done to solve it? Why is everyone so willing to turn a blind eye to the marginalized peoples suffering the most?
I was the one who through out the comment about books; I don’t like to date men who don’t read. I like to read good books, and I like to talk about them with the men I date. I have many friends who I consider intelligent, who don’t read. I’ve got nothing against that, but if I’m going to be with someone for a long time, I want to have that in common.
As others have said here, there are different kinds of “smart”. I’d rather be around someone who is engaging and interesting, full of hobbies, interests, but with “average” intelligence, than with a super “intelligent” person who is boring as dry toast.
Though, in my opinion, intelligence often is accompanied by intense curiosity, excitement, engagement about many things. A stupid or dull-witted person might be more apt to be satisfied with watching Jerry Springer all day, after they put in their time at their job. A smart person might be more apt spend their free time pursuing many interests, and hobbies. Though - there are no hard-and-fast rules to this. I know some “smart” people who are too uptight, proud or boring to get out there and learn new things, and therefore, they are dull. And I know some “average” people who are fun to be around, because they have many things to talk about, and they are willing to learn something new.
If a guy doesn’t want to hear about my interests (at least a little) he is not worth my time. It’s not about how smart I am. (I’m no genius, but I’m above average.) It’s about how I impliment the smarts I have. And, same goes for a guy - if he is a genius, but doesn’t do anything with it, who cares? Better to be of average intelligence, but full of curiosity and hobbies and interests!
As others have already pointed out, it isn’t so much about raw intelligence anyway, it’s about personality. Sometimes, you can’t tell how smart a person is, really. They are so fun and interesting - who cares how they do on an IQ test? One of my best friends is smart - I guess. I mean, I don’t know what he got on his SATs, or anything. For all I know, he is barely average. But he’s such a cool guy, who cares? He’s obviously smart enough to do what he wants to do in life. Compare him to another one of my friends, who I know is smart (because she won’t let anyone forget it). She’s nice, and all, but she’s got some weird screwed-up uptight ideas, so she isn’t always so fun to be around.
Well, if you’re in college, the intellectual guys who may be more interested in intellectual gals are probably holed up in their dorm rooms studying engineering or something, and like myself, may be too dorky to go to parties or pick up girls. 
Have we met? You just described me perfectly (except for the engineering part.)
Well, where are you? I cannot enter a male’s dorm, so you where do I find you?
Well, this has been interesting. I’ve learned a lot, got a lot of thoughtful responses from thoughful people, and that’s always great.
Truthfully, though, I’m not terribly worried about dating. I don’t wish to “dumb down,” and am too stubborn to do so. Honestly, I want to be wanted as I am, and have to audacity (and perhaps the arrogance) to be unwilling to be something I’m not. Yet I am always looking to grow as a human, so that means constantly re-evaluating myself and my interactions with others, and finding ways to improve. And I’m always looking for new experiences, as I have an almost neurotic fear of being too narrow a person.
I have no problem asking men out, and I do so often, although most of them turn me down. That’s just how it goes. Guys have had to deal with this kind of rejection for thousands of years and the human race is no worse for wear, so I’ll probably be fine.
Thanks for the thoughts.
In response to Whistlepig, Shrew, and DanielWithrow:
But again, I think there’s a difference between being smart and being nitpicky.That said, I have to tell you that the one thing I’ve hated about dating certain booksmart MEN is that they lecture. And lecture. And lecture. Especially if they’re teachers of any sort (in which case they often enjoy making dates into Quiz Bowls, too!). And I HATE THAT. It’s just a goddamn TOM AND JERRY episode, for cryin’ out loud! Shut your mouth, drink your beer, and save your pedantry for the people who are paying to hear this shit!
I gotta say, I had a much better time with my high school dropout ex than my college professor ex. Both of them taught me things I didn’t know previously. Both were fun, smart, and entertaining. But the high school dropout didn’t lecture me, and as an added bonus, just complimented my “smarts” instead of making everything into a Hi-Q competition. (Later, when the Dropout and I had amicably parted ways and I begain dating Professor Boy, I commented over friendly cocktails with Dropout that Professor Boy was nice and all, but that he NEVER STOPPED TEACHING and therefore seemed incapable of engaging in a normal, two-way conversation with me. Dropout gave me a quizzical look and asked, “What could he possibly teach YOU? You’ve got a Master’s degree.” Honey, I dropped trou right then and did him under the table. Juuuuuuuuust kidding! :D)
For this reason, I have never quite understood women (speaking from a hetero girl POV) who are enthralled by such pedantic shmoes. My coworker used to come gushing into my office about this guy she met on the internet… Every one of his emails sent her running for the dictionary, and occasionally he’d give her pop Geography quizzes. Sounded like an asshole to ME, but she ATE IT UP, and bragged about how a “smart” guy like this was EXACTLY what she needed! Honey, if 17-letter words and pop-quizzes are what make you feel like a woman, who am I to say boo, but it just seems to me like a relationship shouldn’t involve an Entrance Exam.
I, too, find the concept of “dating down” (or “up”) deplorable. I mean, I suppose it’s true that sometimes people scratch their heads over certain pairings due to a difference in educational attainment, IQ, income level, “career” choice, or what have you… But overall, I hate the implication that one person is somehow inferior to the other based on these factors. I think if a lot of “smart” people would stop being so damn masturbatory about their “intellect”, they could learn a thing or two from just about anybody. I think it’s perfectly permissible to have certain criteria for a partner (i.e. Nacho4Sara’s insistence on the fella having read more than Maxim in the last month), but as someone (sorry, forgot your name), equating, say, a Ph.D. (or, in Dropout’s case, a Master’s Degree) with intelligence can be a bad idea…
I’m not intelligence prejudiced. If a woman has brains fine, if not, fine too.
“One thing I’ve noticed is that people seem to associate
“smart” with “neurotic”. Has anyone else seen this?”
A lot of insane people are very intelligent. This is because they have enough brain power to create
their own universe, which is cool. On intelligence tests they can often get a perfect straight line, this
is because they can figure out the test & know how to do it. I wouldn’t call them a ‘chick’ to their
face, though. I like women who are nuts, they are interesting.
This is a wise response.
Personally, I’m very VERY attracted to smart women, but only if they aren’t so small minded as to believe the only thing worthwhile is intelligence. Smart women tend to be attracted to me for whatever little intelligence I have, and this gets on my nerves. It highlights the conditional nature of relationships- as if I’m only going to be worthwhile to the girl so long as I babble pretentiously at every opportunity.
No, I’d rather have a smart girl who realizes that it’s not about intelligence, it’s about finding someone who actually gives a shit about you.
Actually, brains are secondary.
If I’m forced to make a choice between a good personality and high intelligence, I’ll take personality. I’d far rather spend time around a woman that’s pleasant to be with, than one that’s unpleasant but smart.
Personality
Brains
Looks
In that order.
My preference wouild be Nice, Smart, and Pretty, but If I must choose only two, it’s ‘Nice’ and ‘Smart’. If it’s only one choice, then it’s ‘Nice’.
Looks often get attention, but it takes personality and brains to keep my attention. Fortunately, there’s no lack of pleasant, smart women. If you keep your eyes open, there’s even a fair number of pleasant, smart, pretty women out there. I know, 'cause I’ve got one!
Two things:
1 - Let me suggest that, unless you’ve really been getting around, your sample is less than meaningful, statistically speaking.
2 - Statements like that one I quoted (I left your bolding intact) will seriously turn most guys off, because it looks to us like we’re not going to get a fair shake from you, anyway.
My selected handle is a tongue-in-cheek thing, meant to show that I’m bright but not uptight. 
I do have the problem of perhaps making too much of my own intelligence, as well as the intelligence, or lack thereof, in others. I think it’s an act of defiance against a culture that seems to value women who are just cute and stupid. :mad:
I’d rather be the kind of woman who is nice to look at and to talk to. I spend time working on both.
brainychick,
Perhaps your situation isn’t so much about being intelligent, but more about your style, how you come off to people. Perhaps what you’re projecting puts men off, and perhaps you’re seeking out particular types of men that are put off by your persona.
Your thoughts?
Could be. Who knows? I smile a lot, say hello to everybody, and I generally like talking to people. I’m pretty open about everything, as well as outspoken and straightforward.
Some of my good friends who are male tell me I don’t “act like a woman,” whatever that means. :rolleyes: When pressed, they say that I am not as self-deprecating or deferent to them as they’ve seen women be. They say that I challenge them; they can’t just say the little platitudes or whatever that they usually use. They say that this can be refreshing, but also a little scary, because they believe men are not used to this. I suppose that this is why these men prefer to be friends with me and nothing more, but who knows?
No offence but this is probably a bad board for your question; everyone that sticks around here has a modicum of intelligence and most guys with brains prefer women with them. The only men I know that only like dumb women are themselves dumb.