Unfortunately “outspoken and straightforward” often times puts people off, and individuals that exhibit this behavior are usually labled “trouble makers”. Don’t ask me how I know. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered that not every battle is worth fighting and not every wrong is worth correcting. This doesn’t mean that I censor myself quite the contrary, I just think some things are not necessary to address or challenge.
I like women who talk like men, too. They sound intelligent. I don’t mean I can hear them, I mean.
So, brainychick, how you doin’?
I know the feeling. (Except I am an engineer.) I figure I’ll be in a coed dorm next year and may have a car to go places off campus (not that there is much) so maybe I’ll have there’ll be more opportunity for me. Or if not, I’ll just stay in my room and play bass like normal and try to capture the elusive Funk. Then I can try to convince girls I’m a lead guitarist; that could work.
It certainly seems like you are getting more flak than necessary, and I hate to put myself in the crossfire, but I agree with you here as well.
Being smart (book-smart) has always been the one thing I have utter confidence in, the one thing I never doubt. So even now when I do adhere somewhat to societal standards of femininity and gender appropriateness, I rebel against it. At one point in my life I believed that being intelligent was the only thing I had going for me. Now I know I have a lot more to offer, but though I wear make-up and dress femininely and show cleavage, I still feel as though my intelligence is the one constant I can count on, and I refuse to alter because of someone else’s idea of who a woman should behave.
I am taking a lot of Poli. Sci. classes right now (I’m majoring in English and Poli. Sci.; law school is my next goal). The classes I take deal very much with discussion and debate, and I almost always have an opinion, and I have qualms about expressing it. I’ve been called a bitch for this, for arguing about what I believe in or for what I know to be true, and for not backing down when I have an argument I believe is important. Does this upset me? It used to, because I couldn’t see how I could reach a compromise between being myself (and henceforth opinionated and vocal) and being feminine in the typical sense. But you know what? I’m nearly 21 - old enough to have an understanding of who I am and what I have to offer. I don’t expect that, having been an opinionated, vocal bitch for 21 years, I’m not going to vary a whole lot from that standard. But I do expect that someone will come along who will be happy with that fact; if not, I really would rather be alone.
I don’t think you have to act cute and stupid to get a date. I also don’t think there is anything you need to change about yourself, because I think someone will come along who will be content with your just as you are. None of us are perfect; none of us is an ideal mate. We have qualities that are going to work with qualities someone else possesses, and hopefully we find some sort of balance.
However, I will say (as a reformed man-stereotyper myself) that not all men are created equal. It’s easy to paint them with a broad brush to make it seem that though THEY are what’s wrong, but in reality, it’s aways this man and that woman - two people, not two genders.
Yeah, I think so too.
I think a lot of men feel threatened by smart women who aren’t afraid to speak their mind. (BTW, I’m not one of them.) Some men feel emasculated when they’re around women who assertively and intelligently express opinions. I may be wrong, but it seems that might be the case with the male friends who said you didn’t “act like a woman.”
Don’t feel obligated to dumb yourself down. I’m sure there are many men out there who appreciate a smart woman like you. And if there are any men who are so insecure as to be put off by your intelligence–forget them! It’s their loss!
Just remember it’s all on The One.
Well let me add that I don’t find intelligence to be a deal breaker.
(by intelligence I mean a command of a large number of facts, which is how many people look at it)
However if a woman is not smart enough to stack the boxes up to reach the bannana then that is something else.
I like NICE women. Women who are not mean. A person can argue their point, present their case, and generally stand up for themselves without being mean. (really!)
How sad! Here we seem to have a whole bunch of people of various genders/persuasions, many of them unattached, and some of whom may even live in close proximity to each other, who all claim to consider intelligence a major turn-on.
And yet, many of them will continue to be lonely, frustrated, and convinced that nobody shares their values. How can we resolve this sad situation? A Doper personals board?
And The And of Four.
Isn’t that what MPSIMS is?
All people have the same intelligence in the dark.’ All women look the same in the bathtub’ (ann landers?)
Yeah, just gotta work on playing the bass in general- only been doing that since November. I happened to think of the One just the other day when I saw Bootsy Collins on a Nike commercial. Hey, maybe I can use the bass to get some booties shakin’…
Maybe we’re all so ugly that no amount of intelligence can make us attractive?
Just a theory…
I don’t think so- my third eye is a lovely baby blue.
Here’s a site you should check out:
I usually use my bass to get botties shake’n.
Yeah, I know. But I’ve already tried the thing with “getting over” not being that attracted to my date, and it DOESN’T work.
The problem often is that smart people, especially guys, are smart but geeky. I have a couple friends at church who seem pretty bright, but I wouldn’t want my (fictional) sister dating, just because they’re so socially awkward. I know I fit in that camp for a long time.
OK, I’ll jump on the hijack (sorry, brainychick)…
Bootsy Collins on a NIKE commercial???
Well, my personality just drives them off…