Hmmmm.
Dan do you mind clarifying this before you make me get out my flame-thrower ? 
Sounded clear to me! They’re two different things, two different reasons for making the decision. Two reasons are twice as good as one reason.
O.K. 
Just so you know where some people might be coming from, it sounded more like you were saying that one decision had your respect… and sort of implying that the other didn’t. I know (from your follow-up) that you didn’t mean this, I’m just saying that it could be taken that way
Well, that’s real easy to do on here, isn’t it? And when a hot-button issue is being discussed, a lot of times - but not all, of course - people will react based on their first impression of a statement, rather than recognizing that the person may have meant something else. We’re more willing to believe that to which we will react strongest.
As a guy, I want to chime in.
I have no interest in kids- not having my own, and not really in family members’ kids.
Any future Mrs. blanx will have to agree with this position, because otherwise there is no hope for the relationship.
I have some good friends who just had triplets, and I went over to visit them. They desperately wanted kids, and I’m really happy for them that they were finally able to have them.
I spent the whole trip home telling myself “I love my clean quiet house.”
My mom always wants to know when I’m going to have kids, and I just keep saying not right now. Of course, she isn’t capable of understanding that the long term future doesn’t look good either.
I think that for myself, one of the major reasons I do not want kids is that when growing up, I had to be the responsible one in the family, from a very early age. I had a large role in raising my brother. I didn’t want to do it then, and I don’t want to do it now.
I like being selfish. I like doing as I please. I know myself well enough to know that kids don’t fit into my plans, and I also know that kids deserve parents who want them.
As a guy, I want to chime in.
I have no interest in kids- not having my own, and not really in family members’ kids.
Any future Mrs. blanx will have to agree with this position, because otherwise there is no hope for the relationship.
I have some good friends who just had triplets, and I went over to visit them. They desperately wanted kids, and I’m really happy for them that they were finally able to have them.
I spent the whole trip home telling myself “I love my clean quiet house.”
My mom always wants to know when I’m going to have kids, and I just keep saying not right now. Of course, she isn’t capable of understanding that the long term future doesn’t look good either.
I think that for myself, one of the major reasons I do not want kids is that when growing up, I had to be the responsible one in the family, from a very early age. I had a large role in raising my brother. I didn’t want to do it then, and I don’t want to do it now.
I like being selfish. I like doing as I please. I know myself well enough to know that kids don’t fit into my plans, and I also know that kids deserve parents who want them.
from dantheman
Actually, I don’t spend a lot of time around children. I work at an animal hospital, and most people that come in have a handful with their pets, and if they have a kid will leave it at home. There are times when kids come in, and they usually try to find the office kitty and pet it. In general, parents make them sit down and shut up. Only other places I see kids are when I’m out–like when I’m shopping or eating out or walking around or whatnot. Limited contact there as well.
In any of those situations though, the kids leave or I can leave. Its not going to be there forever and ever and ever (or a very long time–years and years and years). The thought of that kind of long term care and responsibility is very draining to me. I fear that at some point I would freak out and very bad things would happen because I would feel very trapped. It’s almost like caging an animal–if its there for what it feels is a long time, when you go to release it, it will strike out and try to bite or scratch because it felt trapped and was scared. That’s how I feel about the prospect of kids, and that I might abuse them as a form of striking out due to fear and feeling trapped.
Yeah, in the current situation you have an out, and if you had kids, that out wouldn’t be there . . .
This doesn’t make sense for me. How is it that wanting do do these things, including doing charity work, is selfish?
I’ve seen the childfree flog themselves again and again for being selfish, usually in resopnse to some nosy wanker pestering them about not having kids. “I’m just too selfish to be a parent”, then go on to explain how they like their lives the way they are, or like quiet, or like to do fun things.
None of this is selfish, unless in pursuing these things you are neglecting a responsibility to a friend or a family member or a pet or houseplant or something, and suffering results. There really isn’t a responsibility towards non-existant children, so you can’t be ‘selfish’ by ‘ignoring’ them. It may be hedonistic, or introverted, or whatever- but not selfish.
I’m not sure if it’s just an attempt to get the questioners to leave them alone, but I don’t like seeing it. It just feeds into the stereotype that people who choose not to have kids are somehow more flawed. In fact, childfree people tend to have more money and time to devote to wonderful causes, or lonely friends or relatives (sometimes abandoned by people too busy raising their own families)- and I’ve seen many do this, then call themselves selfish. To steal a phrase, I do not think it means what you think it means.