Do you get pissed if your Mr. looks at Porn on the Internet?

In My Humble Opinion
61

Out of curiosity, if you need something to get you going, why are you even jerking off in the first place?

This is perhaps the silliest question I’ve ever heard.

Suffice it to say, if you don’t know, there’s no way I can explain it to you.

Women are weird.

I’m female and I do understand…but I don’t think I could explain either. Or maybe just wouldn’t

I’ll try. Sometimes I’m mentally horny, and sometimes I’m physically horny, and the best times are when I’m both. I can understand being mentally horny, and then to get the physical juices going, looking at/reading porn. Then the physical/mental are in synch, and you can masturbate, get off, and get on with things. Or go pounce on your partner, get off, and get on with things.

(It’s kind of odd being physically horny, but mentally not into it at all. It’s like the pussy has a mind of its own. Which is, I imagine, how it is for many men.)

62

Re: the OP. When I went to a Love Hotel with my current girlfriend (google “love hotel Japan” for an explanation) she turned on the two free porn channels out of curiosity. Now, Japanese porn tends toward the… eccentric. One channel was a woman in a wedding dress being assaulted by two men. The other channel had a group of guys taking turns spraying on a woman. She turned to me and asked, “Is this the kind of porn you like?” In all honesty, no, that’s not the kind of porn I like most of the time, which is what I told her. I can see the appeal of pseudo-rape porn and bukkake, but it’s not my thing.

She turned it off for a while, took a bath, and turned it back on to see what was going on. She said, “They’re still raping that woman?” and turned it off for the rest of the night. Which was good, because it was kind of distracting. Neither one of us was in the mood for that kind of sex.

She took it for granted that I looked at porn sometimes, but had little interest in seeing any of it. We discussed porn once or twice and basically told me that it was my private thing as far as she was concerned. She wouldn’t even think about it unless I created a situation that made her notice it. A couple of my previous girlfriends had basically the same attitude.

One ex found my computer porn and looked at it out of curiosity. We had to have a talk about two things: 1) The porn and whether I really wanted girls like that. 2) Poking around in things that don’t belong to us. Item 1 was calmly discussed, and thankfully I have realistic taste in women (implants, ugh!). Porn is absolutely no threat to a real woman, much less one I care about. Item 2 was an issue since you would have had to poke around through multiple layers of directories to find the porn stash. She was looking for something, not respecting my privacy, and I didn’t really appreciate it. I told her that it would be like me digging around in her underwear drawer, looking under the bed, and checking the top shelf of her closet to see if she had a vibrator. She saw my point and didn’t look around in my hard drive again. Porn was a non-issue for the rest of our relationship, except for the time she asked me to take some pictures of her. (She was curious.) She didn’t like the pictures, but I thought she looked hot.

Judging from the responses in this thread, many people seem to think that porn is a replacement for sex, a way to make up for the times you can’t get any, or a way to get ready for more sex. I’m sure there are other people who watch/look at porn in addition to sex.

When I had girlfriends I could see all the time I still masturbated and still looked at porn sometimes. In fact, when I was having sex frequently it sometimes made me more interested in masturbating. I really enjoy having sex, I like the sharing and the incredible physical sensations of being with someone, but sometimes I like having sex with myself.

Porn can be a way of acting out fantasies, some of which you probably wouldn’t want to do in real life. I had a girlfriend who wanted to enact a rape fantasy with me; she’d read a lot of bodice rippers. We didn’t get very far with that before she got very uncomfortable and we stopped, and I hadn’t gotten very violent or forceful at all. The fantasy was better than the reality for her. And for me. I hadn’t realized how weird it would be to act violently, even in play, toward someone I cared about.

Oh, that made me think of something else. Possibly part of the attraction of porn is that the person can be objectified because he or she is a stranger with whom there is no emotional attachment and who cannot be affected directly by the fantasy. Porn also creates a space that allows people to have little or no ambivalence when fantasizing about doing things that would be uncomfortable for them if the other person was not a stranger who fit a “category” of being an acceptable object for the fantasy.

63

:dubious:

I thought about replying in depth to this, but I think I’ll exercise my self-restraint and go look at some porn instead.

64

I don’t care if my SO looks at porn. In fact, many a time I have hijaked his computer to look at it. I’m gone for a lot of the summer, so I’m not there to give him release.
I sometimes have body image issues (I’m big), but then I see the way he looks at me when I’m getting dressed/undressed/am fully clothed. :o

65

Why? Not everybody is strictly monogamous. I would rather have honesty than lying. I feel no pressure to remain monogamous, nor do I feel any need to go out and screw around. If mrAru were to go out and get drunk while in Tromso or Bremerhavn, and get laid, why should he feel absolutely guilty and ashamed over something not entirely of his doing? And dont say he shouldnt drink so much that it affects him - that isn’t your call either.

66

"Hey, it wasn’t my fault, I don’t recall much of it;I was drunk. STD? Whatchoo talkin bout? Not my fault either. " Some people are dumb, I don’t want to be one of them.

67

This is a perfectly reasonable justification if you’re talking about not masturbating while standing in line at the bank. When you’re at home, on the other hand, it seems more like a pointless excercise in denial for the sake of denial. Spiritual masturbation, as it were, in place of physical.

As long as you’re not masturbating so much that you’re incapable of satisfying your partner’s needs (and that you’re not ruining the drapes), I’m honestly not seeing what the problem is.

68

Let me explain the interest with erection query. Often (usually in the morning) I will awake with an excited member, but am not really interested in sex (maybe its just that I’ve never really had a woman interested in morning sex, but its so ingrained that even masturbation with my morning stiffy is usually pointless). On the other hand (no pun intended) often at night I will want to have sex, but she won’t. So I walk into the kitchen sit down with my Bearshare file sharing program and download some group sex video’s or “wife gets banged by big black guy while Mr. gives oral pleasure afterwards” and the erection happens.

She says she understands masturbation and has no problem with it. That would have been fine when I was 20 (my mental Porn was more than enough). Look, we both lead really busy lives. Between work, school, and our three year old little girl we are both usually exhausted, and stressed just trying to keep the bills paid and get passing grades. The difference is that I could be completely exhausted (and suffering from third degree burns and multiple gun shot wounds) and still want to have sex. For her conditions need to be more optimal. The problem is that they seldom (or at least to seldom for me) are. By the way I prefer the most boring sex with my woman (for example with her half asleep) over the most exciting porn assisted masturbation.

69

This abrupt subject shift suggests to me that you were losing the argument on the original subject.

Some people are dumb, I don’t want to be one of them.

70

For what it’s worth, I don’t care if my husband watches porn. We have watched it together, and I’m sure he looks at it on the Internet, though we don’t use the same computer, so I’ve never stumbled upon it. Regardless, I think that, like a lot of other people have said, issuing ultimatums in a relationship or trying to dictate your SO’s behavior is unhealthy.

I understand that porn can make women feel insecure. Hell, when my SO admitted to me early on in our relationship that he liked looking at Tisha Costa (I think that’s her name) in my Victoria’s Secret catalogues, I was a little upset at first. Then I thought about it, realized that he knows these women aren’t real and half of them have been airbrushed beyond all sense, and it just doesn’t matter. Just because he’s looking at them doesn’t mean he’d have sex with one of them if they asked him to. Same thing with porn. He knows they’re not real, and whether or not he masturbates while looking at these pictures, we satisfy each other. Plus, I read erotica - it makes me a hypocrite to tell him he can’t look at pretty women when I get my own head candy.

I’d be a little weirded out if he never found another woman but me attractive. The obsessiveness that implies is disconcerting to say the least.

71

Interesting! I always thought that awake + erection = willing. Tonight I will be “staying over” with my BF for the first time, and now I know to ask him before simply jumping on his morning glory. :slight_smile:

I learn something new every day around here! :smiley:

72

Y’know, I have no idea whether SpouseO looks at porn. I also have no idea if/when he masterbates. We don’t have any in the house, that I know of.

I’m not ever going to be one to go looking through our computer’s internet history to keep tabs on what Mr. Snicks is doing. I respect him, and I respect his privacy. We do everything together, and we’re very close, but Savannah’s right - everyone needs their own corner of privacy.

If I did find porn on the computer, I really doubt I’d say anything at all. I don’t think it bothers me - he’s with me, right?

We’re just now beginning to explore this whole thing together, with baby steps. I think the journey will be fun.

73

Your one-liners are not winning this battle for you.

Suffice it to say, some people are not strictly monogamous and porn is a great way to take care of the extra needs, I do not believe in eternally punishing someone for one mistake, and I think it’s obsessive-complusive to a major degree to find no other woman attractive other than myself once we’re in a serious relationship. And you didn’t address anything in this thread other than making your witty little lines.

The self-restraint comment - exactly what do you mean by that? What, exactly, should we be restraining ourselves in according to you? And why?

74

Right on. In my first marriage, my wife lived the quoted sentiment. In fact, it was a lot like the scene in American Beauty. Not only would she be angry if I possessed or looked at porn, but she’d get angry if I masturbated. How dog-in-the-manger can a person be?

75

That’s so controlling. I can’t imagine doing that to a man. And really, any man who would follow such demands ain’t much of a man.

I do what I can to keep my man satisfied, and he does the same for me. The only reason we’d ever go a week without sex is if one of us isn’t feeling well. And really, even then we usually do it anyway. Maybe we’re just nymphos.

76

Yeah. I generally let her get angry. But I would much rather have had sex with her than resorted to self-help so much.

77

Well, if you’d much rather have sex with your wife than watch porn and jerk off, wouldn’t it make way more sense to try and make conditions more optimal than to keep right on doing something you know pisses her off and makes conditions less optimal? It really seems like you’re shooting yourself in the, er, foot, here.

Now, I don’t really give a rat’s ass if my husband looks at porn, or live women, since he understands full well that anything he touches another woman with is coming home in a seperate car than the rest of him. But deliberately doing stuff that he knows bugs me…that really pisses me off. Nothing says “who gives a fuck what you think?” quite like that. And that’s where if I were your wife I would absolutely rip you a new one.

You know that you looking at porn upsets her. Yet you not only keep doing it, but keep leaving the evidence there for her to find. And then you basically say that it’s her fault you’re deliberately pissing her off, which smacks of such passive aggression it would absolutely make me go off the deep end.

78

OT:

uh…Maybe I am missing the sarcasm but are you serious? How is it not his own doing? How does alchohol absolve responsibility?

Whether or not the behavior is proper within a given relationship is neither here nor there; unless a gun is involved, the responsibility is always his.

79

I don’t get this. IMO, she’s the one being passive aggressive by telling him she doesn’t want sex and then having the nerve to get mad when he tries to relieve himself in other ways.

If she won’t have sex with him, what’s he supposed to do? Sit on his hands until she tells him it’s ok to touch her? That’s unrealistic and it’s also mean. She’s trying to control him, and I don’t see that he’s doing anything wrong. He even said it himself that he always approaches her for sex before he goes near the porn.

Give the poor dude a break. It’s not like he’s out soliciting prostitutes.

80

I really disagree with you in principle, but this made me laugh out loud! Thanks! (I may have to share it with my BF. :wink: )

The same argument could be made on the husband’s behalf: the wife is deliberately withholding sex, even though she knows it bugs him. Nothing says “who gives a fuck what you need?” quite like that.

But outside of that, I don’t think this issue can be equated to something like “Why do you keep parking the car in the street when you know it pisses me off?” We have a guy being denied enough access to his preferred outlet, and that same outlet tells him he’s not allowed to use the only other outlet that does not involve physically touching another woman. I agree with Indygrrl: that’s way too controlling.