Czarcasm’s Law: Adding even more horseshit to the pile isn’t going to create that pony you’re looking for.
This tattered scrap has been on my office wall for around thirty years:
You are not writing effectively unless you piss off as many people as you please.
My 14th law is kinda the converse of the OPs law: “A problem transferred is a problem solved.”
ZipperJJ’s unfortunate laws of sleep:
If you stay up until X and make plans with yourself to sleep until Y, so you get enough sleep to satisfy your sleep requirements for the next day, someone will always always always call or text an hour or two before Y, waking you up and completely throwing off your sleep schedule leading to day-long grumpiness and grogginess (phone stays on for work purposes). The later you stay up, the more likely this is to happen.
If you have a large dog that is terrified of thunder storms, who requires you to be present and awake for the duration of her terror, thunder storms will only ever happen in the middle of the night when you are very, very sleepy. They will undoubtedly happen if you have taken a sleep aid.
Al’s Law of Girl Watching: Every time a pretty girl appears that you want to get a good look at, a big goofy looking guy will be in the way.
Al’s Corollary: Sometimes YOU’RE the big goofy looking guy.
If you ever state that you are bored, the universe will fix that problem right away.
If you ever state that you have enough time, the universe will fix that problem right away.
If you ever state that you have enough money, the universe will fix that problem right away.
Sailboat’s First Law of Dog Walking:
The more interested a dog is in something on the ground, the more urgent it is that you NOT let him or her touch it.
These I formulated years ago, although they’re more observations than laws:
Sailboat’s Observation of Vulnerability at the Moment of Canine Decision:
Isn’t it good that every dog who’s sniffed your crotch while deciding whether or not to like you has – so far – liked you?
Sailboat’s Observation of Game Preference:
People tend to like games permanently if they win the very first time they play them.
Macca’s Law: There is always room for ice cream
I feel like that one may be taken though.
Macca’s Music Law: Whenever you go to a standing only concert, you will always manage to find yourself behind the tallest person in the room.
Schisms “fork in the road law”:
At any (70 to 75%) of the time when confronted with 2 choices in regards to a given scenario, I will invariably (unbeknownst to me at the time) pick the fork that leads me further down the road of unhappiness.
I am a bad navigator.
Of course some of these bad decisions have led to profound personal insights that better me as a person. I have payed. I have grown.
I’m reposting this from a previous thread:
[QUOTE=Shakes]
When I was a young boy of about 9 or so I had a bag of M&Ms. Not having video games back in those days, kids like us had to find “creative” ways to entertain ourselves. One way I found was to take an M&M from the bag I had, throw it up in the air and catch it with my mouth.
I was quite surprised to find that my acumen for catching tiny, flying, pieces of candy, through the air was quite good. With each piece I would challenge myself even more by throwing the candy further and further up in to the air. The last piece I threw was a good 15 or 20 feet up in to the air.
If at this point you’re thinking to yourself: “Shakes wasn’t exactly a child genius.” You would be correct. My admission the the Mensa society is still pending. But anyway…
As I stood there with my mouth wide open awaiting the sweet delicious treat to plop ever so softly in to my mouth, I thought to myself: “If I catch this, I am truly the most awesome kid on the planet!”
As I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, my dreams of being the most awesome kid on the planet did not come to fruition. Oh, I caught the M&M alright, but the velocity of the candied treat was such that it managed to lodge itself deep in to my throat.
A nightmarish feeling came over me as I gasped for air. It was like an ominous black hole collapsing in on me. My thoughts went form “Most awesome kid on planet” to “Holy fuck! Death by M&M is NOT the way I wanna’ go!”
Fortunately, as if by magic, the thing managed to unlodge itself from my throat.
The lesson I took away from this was: “Don’t play stupid games!!”
FF 30 years later: I’m on my way home from work. I know I’m out of toilet paper so I stop by the grocery to pick some up among other various items.
I get home and go directly to the kitchen as that is where the bulk of the items I bought are going. As I’m putting the items away, I see that I left the bathroom door open on the other side of my master bedroom. I thought to myself: “Hey, I bet I can throw this single roll of TP I bought and throw it across the dining room, the bedroom, into the bathroom and it will land perfectly on to the bathroom counter.”
(Sigh)
It didn’t quite work out that way. The damn thing made it to the bathroom but it bounced off two walls landing in the fucking toilet. Tah Dah!!
Now I’m left with this big blob of wet tissue. I suddenly remembered that lesson I learned long ago: Don’t play stupid games!!
[/QUOTE]
Seriously, don’t play stupid games.
BrotherCadfael’s Law: “One size fits all”, doesn’t.
Laughed out loud. This one is great & IMO very true…
Bud’s Law (named for my father): Anyone who believes they have made something foolproof has failed to account for the ingenuity of fools.
Unclerojelio’s Universal Law:
Given a 50-50 choice, you will be wrong 100% of the time.
Timewinder’s addendum:
“And the second guess won’t work either.”
Most notable when trying to plug in USB cords into sockets you can’t see: it just won’t go in, so you flip it over, and it doesn’t go in again, so you flip it back and it slides right in.
If you lose something, go out and buy another one. You will find what you have lost within the following 24 hours.
At work, if you receive a ticket and work on it immediately, the ticket submitter will then pull the ticket and say never mind, after you’ve already done the work.
After any online newspaper article, within the first page of comments, there will be one irrelevant racist post and one irrelevant political slam.
Swampspruce’s Law of Military Aircraft Maintenance- The only time you drop a screw into the most inaccessible part of the plane will be when that plane is the most needed for the next mission.
Don’t forget the spam about how to make money quick. 
Never make a change, no matter how trivial or well-tested, to a server on Friday. You WILL spend the weekend - or at least your Friday evening - fixing the production-stopping problems it introduced.