I’ve been watching Leave It To Beaver and I’ve noticed how often June takes it upon herself to interfer with Wally (and later) Beaver’s dating (or love life).
June is always making dates for Wally or insisting Beaver attend parties (even an ALL GIRL party when he was only in 1st or 2nd grade). Things like setting up Wally on a date with Eddie girlfriend, making Beaver go to Penny’s party simply because it’s a going away party. “Oh I’m sorry Beaver but if one of your classmates is moving away you’re going to have to go.”
June) “Now Wally you’ve spent a lot of evening’s at Julie Foster’s house eating dinner, I think it’s about time you had a real dinner date and took her to a resturant.”
(I noticed how neither June nor Ward offered to PAY for Wally taking Julie to a fancy resturant.)
So my question is to you moms and dads, do you interfer in your child’s dating life. By setting up dates, or insisting they attend functions they don’t want to go to or the like?
I am not a parent but my parents used to interfere in my and my sister’s dating life when we were in our teens and early 20s in terms of making us miserable for dating outside of our ethnicity. My mother more or less singlehandedly ended my sister’s college relationship-although in retrospect I think my sister would have dumped him anyway. It was really more my mother than my father-my dad was cool with most of the guys we dated because they were all very intellectual and could hold a conversation with him. My mother on the other hand just disliked them because they were white.
Today they couldn’t care less and they actually advised me to stop dating within my ethnicity-I think they’ve learned that the ethnic insurance really doesn’t exist. A cad is a cad and you’re just reducing your fishing pool. However, all their non-ethnic snobberies are fully in place. They would pitch a fit and make me miserable if I dated someone non-professional etc… So yeah, they would still interfere I guess but they’ve broadened their racial horizons. Hey, it’s an improvement…
They have set me up and my sister’s mother in law facilitated her first date with my brother in law by more or less forcing him to get her interviews and then badgering him to go out to drinks with her (we’ve known him since he was 12 but she hadn’t seen him in a decade when they got together). My sister married her setup obviously and I went on to have longterm relationships with some of mine.
It has been interesting seeing my parents evolve-they’re very gungho about the Indian thing but today they’re are more or less 80% American in their attitudes about dating, family, a child’s independence etc… The remaining 20% is the cultural heritage they brought over here.
Yes and no. I offer opinions, but I don’t arrange dates or anything.
Recently, my son’s long-distance (not monogamous) girlfriend was posting a lot of pictures and gushing comments about her other boyfriend on MySpace and my son was feeling bummed out about that. I gently encouraged him to talk to her about how her actions impacted him. She chose to put the pictures in a private folder, which works for both (or all three, I hope) of them. I’ve also suggested the two of them have a talk about their rules and boundaries when they spend two weeks at the same campground this summer. I’d probably do this for any relationship, but I do think navigating your first polyamorous relationship at 16, and learning how to do it ethically and openly, requires a little extra tutoring. So far, so good. They’ve been an item for almost a year now with no major drama.
My kid is 8, so no, I don’t. But if you’re talking about Leave it to Beaver, the scenes you describe sound more like Mom teaching her boys good manners. If you eat dinner at a girl’s house all the time and it’s 1956, you should take her out already or you’re a mooch with no manners. Yes, you have to go to going-away parties, it’s rude not to. Kids have to be taught that stuff; they aren’t naturally civilized.
IRL:
My MIL used to bug her oldest son all the time about who he dated and when he would get married. He moved to Japan.
My dad used to suggest that I marry almost any guy I dated. Yes, when I was 17. I think it was reverse psychology or something. I knew he wasn’t serious. He sure was relieved when I got engaged to my husband, though. He’d been silently hoping.
I have a teenage daughter and I do try to have as much influence as I can without actively stepping in and interfering. My daughter and I talk a great deal about boys and how to deal with the typical highschool drama/conflicts that come up. When it comes to specific boys/situations in which I think are bad news, I will diplomatically throw in my opinion on particular boys/situations in an attempt to influence her to make the decision on her own that I want her to make:).
Back in those days, a girl who even offered to take a boy out to a restaurant (and pay for his meal) was regarded as…unfeminine. Which was absolutely the worst thing a girl could be. So she was doing the equivalent of taking him out to eat, by feeding him at her place. And it was time for him to reciprocate.
I think the idea was that she was cooking him a meal, or at least demonstrating her homekeeping lineage through her mother’s cooking. Certainly you’re not suggesting that men/boys should COOK for their girls, are you?! :eek:
She provides home cooked meals to demonstrate she can keep a home and he uses money to buy her a restaurant meal to demonstrate that he can provide for her financially. Very classic, that. I’m glad we’ve gotten over it!
Ah, yeah. Me too. So would Wally have been expected to earn his own money to take her out (paper route? or something?) or would Ma and Pa Cleaver have slipped him a little something?
Yes that’s the idea but then you have cases like, Eddie comes over and takes Wally over to meet “his girl” (Of course he barely knows her but Eddie thinks she’s his girl). The girl likes Wally better and has her mother call up June and June makes a date with her for Wally. Beaver then tells his mother “But that’s EDDIE’S GIRL!!!” to which June calmly says “Oh if she was really Eddie’s girl his mother wouldn’t have made the invitation with Wally.” Totally oblivous to Eddie’s feelings. The plot resolves with Eddie finding out and pretending he’s sick and asking Wally to take, his girl, to the dance for him.
I have insisted my boys attend a few events. When they were little I made them go to birthday parties they claimed to not want to got to. They were kids, what did they know, and they had a good time in the end.
As teens I needed to push less but they did need a little encouragement to go to school dances and such. They don’t have to like it but they should at least try it once. We have spent time explaining proper behavior - does that count? We have helped talk them both through a few bad breakups.
Never set them up with any dates - like bringing coals to Newcastle - and where would I meet young ladies worthy of my children? I have dropped a discouraging word about one or two though.
My daughter’s only about 1 1/2, so obviously this hasn’t come up for me yet. But I will say that I wish my parents had interfered a little bit more than they did, actually. The guy I dated before I met my husband was Bad News, and it took me five months to realize it and get out. After it was all over, my Mom told me that she and my Dad had never liked the guy, but they didn’t want to tell me that because they thought it would push me towards him even more. Which was totally ridiculous as I’ve always had a good relationship with my parents, and I have a lot of respect for their opinions. If they had said something, I think I might have ended that relationship a lot sooner than I did.
I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your children. If you have a rebellious kid, it might not be a good idea. But if your child normally listens to you, give them a little guidance!
I’ve long come to the conclusion that “Leave it to Beaver” takes place on some sort of weird bizzaro world.
I was whatching it one time when the Beaver and one of his friends were at school. His buddy asks the Beaver “My nails look bad, do you have a nail file on you?” “No, I left mine at home” “So did I”
I mean WTF? What 9yo kid carries a nail file on them?
As to the OP. No.
The closest I’ve come is “Don’t be feeding them alcohol and then try to get down their pants. RESPECT the woman son! Or I’ll be put’n a foot up your ass!”
I kinda wish my parents had been a little more forceful in teaching me the social graces; they were very, very hands-off (I didn’t realize I needed to shower daily until embarrassingly late in puberty; you coulda mentioned that, dad!). In raising my daughter, I hope to be a little clearer about social dynamics than they were. Not sure how comfortable I’ll be in talking with her about romantic dynamics, but I hope I’ll be able to give her enough support that she’ll be able to navigate those waters when the time comes.
I used to love watching that show when I was in high school because it was just so so weird/hilarious. I love the one where Wally grows a 'stash over spring break and when he goes back to school everyone laughs at him. Beaver: “Maybe they thought he was Hitler!” Oh, Beaver.