I guess insecurity prompted me to start this thread…
I just had lunch with my friend who is newly engaged, is moving into a brand new condo in the city with her fiance, they are getting into real estate, just bought a boat, are going to St. Lucia and Italy within a year, and have 2 cars. I could not be happier for her, but there is this pathetic tugging at my chest, I’m 2 years older than her (29) and still in my studio sans boat, rich boyfriend (my guy is still in school), and I feel dirt poor hearing all of her stories (how she drops $23,000 in one month) etc…
So - is it possible to be happy for your friends but feel you are lagging behind? Is it human nature to constantly compare or am I being a big baby? I guess I left feeling rather inadequate… I know, it happens when it happens, but I can’t help feeling down. She always makes comments too such as “you guys just need to start saving your money” (which I do religiously) or “you need to wait until your SO is financially stable before you make any big moves” etc. I feel like she is trying to teach me shit now that everything is going so great for her… anyone had similar experiences?
I hope I’m reading this wrong but it kinda sounds like she’s enjoying rubbing it in which, if true, would be very childish on her part. Does she talk about anything else or just things that are going better for her than for you?
I don’t generally compare myself with my friends. I tend to think that we all have our own paths in life, and my path just happens to be different. I’ve been through a lot of tough times emotionally and financially. It’s made me a stronger person. I don’t think that I’d have the strength if I hadn’t been tested. Maybe it’s just my way of making myself feel better, but I do feel sorry for those who seem to drift through life without trials. I’m being forged in the fire, and I’m becoming a better person for it.
Having said that, sometimes I feel the smallest twinge of jealousy when I think of my friends with their variety of university degrees, and I’m still in school, while raising five kids. OTOH, the ones I still know really well - they have their regrets as well.
I don’t. I am ridiculously non-competitive (well, unless there’s a board game involved!)
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve always wished I did compare myself more-might motivate me to get off my duff once in a while!
; )
I think it’s perfectly normal and healthy, provided that you acknowledge and keep it in check.
I know this sounds ridiculously childish and trite, but just think about how much more you have than the average global citizen.
and a boyfriend to boot? There are people who spend their lives unsuccessfully looking for partners.
Go give him a smooch!
I agree with lieu. Your friend seems kind of rude.
Within my circle of friends, we run the gamut from still working a seasonal job to white-collar professional making pretty close to six figures. Of course, we’ve all been friends for many years and career expectations for various members of our little gang have largely been borne out, i.e. the most ambitious of us has had a lot of (financial) success while the laziest is still essentially where he started. As far as competition goes, there isn’t much - but I know that I definitely compare with my friends that are more (financially) successful than myself. However, I am in a field which, while not lucrative, pleases me mightily and lets me think that I’m preserving some of the past for the future.
There are those days though when I wish that I had just gotten that damn business degree!
If your friend spent $23K in a month (assuming this wasn’t on a house or car), then it’s one of two things. 1) It’s mommy and daddy’s money, or 2) she’s mortgaging her future for the present.
Even if she were an associate in a top law firm or in residency in neurosurgery, she is still not making enough to live like that. Plus, if the above were true, there is no way she’d be able to even consider taking 2 overseas trips in one year with the time commitment of those jobs. So, assuming she is not a professional athlete or a movie star, she’s probably spending someone else’s money.
The other possibility is that she’s running up mountains of debt to maintain a lifestyle that she hasn’t earned yet. Give it a couple of years, when interest rates have risen and all the bills come due, and she’ll be knocking on your door looking for a place to live or to borrow money. You’ll be in good shape if you live within your means.
If it is daddy’s money, then there’s no sense in sweating over that, nothing you can do about it. Some people get lucky in the genetic wheel of fortune, some don’t.
Lets get real here!!
Of course it’s natural to compare yourself! We all do it, we hate to admit it but we do!
Comparing yourself is an important part of social and personal analysis. It is not a bad thing.
We use other people as a gauge for our own lives. For example if people of similar age, education, and emotional development to you are reaching certain points in their lives you can check whether you should be somewhere close. You dont need to be doing the same thing, but developing at the same rate.
Then you can asses whether you need to take a few steps forward or at least do some good hard thinking.
It is important to be your own person, but use your friend simply as a guide.
But make sure your look at many people not one.
It’s not about feeling bad. if you look around and everyone is moving faster than you… by that i mean developing in a healthy way, including your friend then see it as a helping hand… it seems like it’s already got you thinking and thats a good thing.
If she’s just a freak… then good on her, but don’t worry about it!!
