Okay let me start off by giving some names though they won’t be actual (just makes this story easier) There’s me…let’s see I’ll be Kaylee…then there’s Jamie and…um…Karen. The three of us have been friends since K-4, grew up together for the most part. Jamie has moved about 45 min. away but we’re all still best friends. Karen seems to have a BIG problem with me and Jamie having any one on one time. Karen has plenty of one on one time with each of us and we have plenty of time with the three of us together…but Jamie and I just can’t seem to have any time to ourselves without Karen getting extremly upset. Even phone conversations she finds out we’re talking to each other and has to call us both on three way. She acts like a jealous boyfriend and the funny thing is she’s started to try to keep me away from Jamie. If I’m hangin out with Karen and Jamie happens to call and mention she needs to talk to me about something or needs to call me she won’t even let her know that I’m right there and she can talk to me real quick. If Jamie comes to town to visit she tries to keep that from me or any invites she gives to Jamie. Of course Jamie always calls and lets me know she’s coming and she’ll stop by to see me but then Karen calls my house as soon as Jamie gets there looking for her to find out if she’s there and if she is she’ll drive out too. It’s gotten to the point we have to sneak around to have and private time at all…which I hate doing…hiding anything from a friend. But it’s just sooo frustrating! And tonight was like the last straw…now apparently we’re not supposed to talk online without her…we had seperate conversations with her and each other but she wanted us to go into a conferance so we would all be in one big instant message rather than to be able to talk privatly to each other. I don’t understand it…anyone any ideas on why she might be doing this and PLEASE some help on how to deal with her…without causing a huge fight that will probably get us all seperated for quite a while (believe me she’s very easy to piss off and she’s never wrong about anything she thinks) and if you piss her off in the least you’re the most horrible person in the world. I just don’t know what to do but I’m not going to put up with it anymore or walk on eggshells to continue a friendship with Jamie…I think yea people can have a group of friends but they also need their private time together like anyone.
Sounds like a sticky situation…‘Karen’ is the one with the problem. Just try talking to her. She obviously does not feel confident in her relationship with either one of you, so just assure her that the two of you value her friendship too. Best of luck 
well, you’ve all known each other for a long time it seems. do you know of any situation where ‘karen’ felt extremely hurt and betrayed by someone close to her? or left out by people she cares most about? this could be why she is doing this now, because she is scared someone will betray her again, or she’s scared people will leave her or something. i would suggest both of you talking with her together, telling her that you love her but are starting to feel like she doesn’t trust either of you, and wonder if you guys did anything to make her feel that way. maybe that could be a start to helping the situation.
if she gets all wacky, she may have other issues that you can’t help her with.
Arg, tough spot. It’s awful to feel ‘caught in the middle’, isn’t it?
Sounds like Karen feels quite insecure – about herself, and about her place in the threesome.
Karen’s jealousy is her issue, and you can’t resolve her issues for her. It may help if you and Jamie let Karen know how much you value her friendship, and how special you each think she is. At the same time, you may also have to simply decide to see Jamie one-on-one, regardless of Karen’s response.
Meet Jamie for lunch, one-on-one. No need to mention it to Karen beforehand.
Then meet Karen for lunch, one-on-one.
The risk here is that Karen could end up controlling your friendship with Jamie (and vice versa) through her own personal issues. Odds are, her behavior goes beyond this threesome, affecting other parts of her life. Unfortunately, only Karen can resolve Karen’s issues.
Keep us posted.
What immediately pops into my head is that Karen has little [if any] friends other than the two of you.
As you said, you shouldn’t have to put up with it if it’s not even really your problem. If you want to be nice, talk to her and suggest that maybe spending too much time together might not be healthy. Maybe she needs a little time alone to find herself.
Or, if you want to be mean, tell her to bugger off and go find some friends who can stand her jealousy…
This jealousy has everything to do with Karen and very little to do with you or Jamie. I wonder if Karen’s jealousy is based on the fear of losing something important that she’s had for so long? Have you tried talking to her about it? A good friend listens and understands. If, on the other hand, she doesn’t listen or understand, then it may be time for you to re-evaluate your friendship with her.
She does have several other friends around town…and she doesn’t get upset with we hang out with other friends of ours…it’s just me and Jamie hangin out together…that I don’t quite understand…why just that combination. “Jamie” they are right we do need to sit and have a nice discussion about the whole situation with her… I’m just not entirely sure how to bring the subject up. I’ve never been good at that…“we need to have a talk” when the time comes I’m all “umm uhh…welll…see the thing is…” and it doesn’t seem to come out. How could I just drop a subject like that out infront of her out of the blue…
Is Jamie male or female? If Jamie is a male, she probably has the hots for Jamie. Don’t know how to handle it, but that’s probably the reason if Jamie is a guy.
Calling yourself Mustang would have been easier
ParentalAdvisory may have a point. Though, with a group of about 3 friends, I have had this sort of problem (sometimes from Karen’s PoV.) With a larger group, you know people will meet without you and fill you in if anything interesting happens, but with two other people, you can feel left out if the they have a good time and you’re not there. When you are and someone else isn’t, it’s much less noticable.
OTOH, Mustang, to take an example you were chatting online, but didn’t go 3-way. Why not? It’s an obvious suggestion.
There may be nothing, but is it possible that you get on better (or perhaps just more easily) with J than K, and K senses this and feels you and J may drift apart from her? You may not have noticed. Ask yourself - if you want a chat are you more likely to ring J or K first?
It’s probably Karen just being a bit paranoid - we all have quirks - but it’s possible there’s something in it. If there is, don’t feel bad, that’s just the way it is. If you want to make more of an effort to be friends with her. If it’s K seeing things, why don’t you try all 3 getting drunk together, and saying ‘I love both you guys. Karen, something seems wrong; you don’t think we shut you out, do you?’
First a bit of friendly advice, and please don’t take this wrong, writing a post like that in one gigantic paragraph makes it difficult to read and follow.
Friendships like those with Karan are poisonous. You can’t give her the power to dictate when and how the others in your circle can interact. People can only take advantage of you if you allow them to do so. The next time that she demands to be part of a three way conversation, tell her that you don’t care to do that this time. You don’t owe her an explanation.
If it comes time for a confrontation it might be better to write her a letter (email is fine.) Whether this happens in a letter or an actual conversation, make sure that it is one on one. If both of you confront her at the same time, it will feel like an attack and it will not be as effective.
Good luck,
Haj
SOrry for the lack of reply lately I’ve been out of town. Anyway…All three of us are female so if she has the hots for jamie we may have quite another issue to deal with then We each spend time with her one on one and spend time all three together we don’t try to push her out of the picture but just want some time one on one me and jamie. Is that really so wrong?? If she feels we’re pushing her away then it may have something to do with how she tries to seperate me and jamie to the point that to see each other at all now we have to sneak around… We’ve always been her shoulders to cry on and as far as who we call first…actually I’m more likely to call Karen first to go hang out…she is in town and we spend more time together than me and jamie plus jamie has told me she’s more likely to call Karen first as well we both try to be sensative to her lack of self esteem assuming that could possibly be the problem…
I couldnt help but notice that you and Jamie have one on one time and you and karen have one on one time, now maybe I missed this, I got confused with the names, but do Jamie and Karen have one on one time without you? Because if they dont, then it could look like you are the one holding the three of you together as friends, and if Karen feels that you and Jamie get on better then you and she does, she may feel that she may lose you as friends completely in the long term, and is probably trying to prevent this happening because she obvisouly cares about you all.
Of course I could be completely wrong but its just a thought…
And alternatively maybe Karen is just acting like this now because as you said, Jamie moved away not so long ago, maybe she feels shes losing the two of you from her life for whatever reasons and thats why she insists on it being the three of you when you talk.
Hope things get better anyway:)
Aww crap sorry, re read your original post and saw the line… sorry sprry, ignore my first point :smack:
lol is okay actually I think if anyone holds us together so to speak it’s jamie…she keeps her head out of the clouds and unclouded when it comes to the situation. I mean however frustrated we may get with each other Jamie tends to be the peacekeeper…even if she’s pissed too. Oh and if I said she moved “not that long ago” I’m sorry, she moved 6 years ago. GEEZ has that much time passed? WOW!
Sorry my mistake again, I just interpreted it that way… and maybe my original point stands, just the other way around, if it seems that Jamie likes spending time with you more then with Karen, or that for whatever reason, Jamie ends up spending more time with you just because, maybe Karen is feeling left out and thus the jealousy?
Jamie is realizing herself (surely someone figured it out when I saved the thread from extinenction in the beginning)…tired of waiting on Stang. Anyway, seeing as I live an hour away, I don’t spend a whole lot of time with either of them, and I’d say the time is pretty well spread out. I can talk to Stang more, I admit that, but I love (dearly, not queerly) “Karen” too. At the moment, we are settling our problems (they are really, and have left me out, and I’m just “peace-keeping”, which is my role in the friendship). Karen says she feels she is the “butt of our jokes” and that is the cause of jealosy. I don’t know about that, I have never noticed it, but I guess I wouldn’t. We have promised to pay more attention to it. We have told each others things that have bothered us, and althought they are still talking it over, I am optimist that this will help keep peace for a while. Thanks for your advice guys, we appreciate it 
excuse me, revealing…god lord, I need to go to bed
Thank you jess, can I stop calling you Jamie now? It was really hard to keep typing that…