We just kinda go at it when we feel like it. If we are stinky, we might both jump in the shower. I understand the grooming rituals, but the wife keeps her junk pretty smooth. All this anal stuff, wow!! Not really my thing.
45 minutes in the shower? I’d have wrinkles by then!
prune sex is the new kink.
[quote=“Spiderman, post:8, topic:699433”]
Ummm, hand over money. :o
After negotiating… 
It’s been so long*, I’d need to check the undercarriage for dust and bats.
Normally, a quick pee and washcloth swipe to the bits. Then brush my teeth. Unless I have a glass of wine going. Toothpaste and wine = ick.
A “sex room in the basement/attic” is a fun DIY project. Basement wins for soundproofing; attic for visible crossbeams that you can screw eyebolts into.
*My intended passed away at the end of 2011 and I haven’t mmmmhmmmph since. I’ve been thinking I should be able to order up a non-skeezy guy for a night. Like pizza.
Count me in also with the dust & bats; it’s been a while. Still, this kind of thread is why I hang out here; damn, there are some funny writers here!
To respond to the OP however; back in the day, it was brush teeth and pee, and scrub up with a washcloth (no soap!). Showers were for play or for afterwards.
This 
Just the other night we postponed the shower, because really, what was the point? Take one together afterwards 
I’m so sorry. 
I guess that’s why you’re grumpy, huh?
…& how you doin’?
Brush teeth*. If I haven’t shaved that day, a quick electric shave, mostly around my lips.
*Didn’t always have to brush teeth, but did after onset of acid reflux.
2 points
If it happens, this is it.
I’m considered more attractive when I am unkempt. So even if I personally feel better about grooming before sex, the chances of actually having sex increase if I’m a little dirty.
This is the worst description of sex I’ve ever read.
I agree. Awful.
I’m curious what you find off-putting about it. The porn? The enema/anal? The shaving? The humor and sarcastic tone of the post?
Not sure the post was in jest.
He liked writing it just a little too much.
Never use the word ‘crusty’ in a post about sex, unless you are smearing pies all over each other.
It’s not the anal, it’s how he wrote about the anal. It’s not the shaving, it’s how he wrote about the shaving. It’s not the porn or the toys, (but it might be the enema.)
I feel like he has some nasty sexually transmitted disease, and he was trying to give it to me through his sweaty, hairy, bleu cheese encrusted fingers typing,.
I may not have got the clap by reading it, but I got a peek into a mind of a guy I really, really, really don’t want to have sex with.
If it was a humorous post, good job, but we all know there are guys that would write something like that. And mean it. And be fapping the entire time.
Looking through that poster’s history quickly, I don’t think that was a joke post.
I thought you were seeing your boyfriend this weekend and were going to give us an update… WRT showers, that is.
I thought she was a little invested in your post when she queried me, but I didn’t bother to cross check.
You two crazy kids have fun! Who says there isn’t someone out there for everyone?
Getting back to the OP – for me, “something else entirely,” namely “spend the eight hours beforehand eating foods that are guaranteed to not make me fart.”
Oh yeah. WRT to the shower - it was wet and hot 
I agree with Fisha’s responses. It made the whole thing sound like a tedious and unpleasant chore with references to bodily functions that are in the realm of an in home care worker.
Like this part:
Expending so much concern and effort on poop cleaning and shaving technique did not make for a sexy read and seemed kind of OCD.