People change. Feelings change. It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true and real. It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.
From the movie 500 Days of Summer. I think it rings true for a lot of us here.
Are you still around, Happyturtle? I am wondering how you’re doing and seeking advice. A lot of what you wrote here and in your other posts (self esteem issues, feeling like you need a man to be “whole”, dealing with the guilt of hurting them) really resonates with me and I’d love to chat if you’re around.
Just have a look at the public profile of the user when in doubt.
**Happyturtle **- Last Activity: 03-09-2014 02:24 PM
Oh, I guess that’s a no then. 
Thanks.
This is always good. Sometimes I feel like no one understands. “But how can you just fall out of love? He had to have done something”. Ugh.
Do you really think it’s fair that you are deciding whether the marriage is viable or not? Don’t you think he should be allowed some input on that?
You’re denying him the opportunity to understand the current situation and try to change it for the better.
If you decide to end the marriage without involving him, that would be a real shame.
Please read the OP again. In particular:
There’s no “fixing” becoming a different person, and you shouldn’t have to force something that just isn’t there anymore. I believe this is what a lot of the posters are struggling with. Their spouse hasn’t done anything wrong, but they/we know the relationships we’re in just aren’t the right ones for us anymore.
I guess it just seems to me that you’d have to be 110% sure that it is about you and only you and that there is nothing your partner would or could do differently that might change the situation. That’s an awfully big decision for one person in a partnership to make.
You don’t need permission or amicable agreement to leave a relationship.
In my case, I thought it WAS things he could change. When I asked him to change them and he did so successfully but it wasn’t making a difference, I realised I had been looking for reasons that weren’t really there because I didn’t want to face the fact that we’d just grown apart. Like so many I don’t think I have ever been attracted to him, but latched on because I was young and wanted safety. It’s hard to reignite a spark that was never there to begin with.
I always thought you needed a REASON, some event that made you say “I don’t want to be with this person anymore”. But it’s not that black and white.
Mind you, I still haven’t found the courage to break it off. The guy just loves me so much and the thought of hurting him - even though I know it’ll be the best for both of us in the end - just tears me apart.
Wow…so glad to know I am not alone in this.
I’ve been married to my wife for 3 years now, I’m 36 and she is 29 and our first year together was great. We enjoyed each others company, travelled and had a lot of sex. My wife has suffered from sexual abuse when she was younger and even though she says she is not affected by it, I beg to differ. In the last 2 years are relationship has gone from good to bad to worse. She doesn’t let me kiss her, there is no foreplay and if we have sex it is very robotic. The passion is gone and she says that I’m not affectionate and romantic at all. I’ve tried things like holding hand, kissing her forehead when I leave for work, flowers, mini weekend trips…etc but to no avail.
We have gone to see a therapist together and it helped me understand why she is going through some of these issues but it has not helped her resolve her mood and anger issues. I am by her side whenever she needs me and always listen and give her advice on any issues she is having. We had an argument over getting a divorce 9 months ago and up till yesterday the issue had not come up at all. We recently travelled to Europe for a 3 week vacation and while I thought all was going well, my wife inside still felt disconnected. She was hoping this trip would spark our relationship back up but she said she felt blah the entire trip. 
We have not had sex in the last few months because she says she is not satisfied when we have sex and that she is not in love with me anymore. 2 days ago a small argument blew up with her telling me she wants a divorce. After a week of having some extremely open conversations she gave me an ultimatum. She wants to be in a sexless relationship and that she doesn’t want to have kids. When we got married, we both discussed having kids. I feel screwed out of the deal now that she doesn’t want them. I do love my wife, she is caring and loving but I feel so frustrated about this entire situation.
I want to say yes to her ultimatums as long as she agrees to go to marriage counseling in the hopes that maybe she will change her mind about sex and kids in the long run.
I see many of my close friends in their happy marriages only to wonder where we went wrong in ours.
Wish everyone peace and happiness no matter what route they take in their marriage.
She isn’t going to change her mind. Sorry. Begin planning your Post-Divorce life now.
This is the hard truth. And be thankful that you don’t have kids with her. Look at all of the anecdotes in this thread. None of them have the ending that you want.
littlerock24, you’re still young with plenty of time to find a woman who appreciates you and wants to have children (and sex!). Don’t waste any more time with this one. Good luck.
Thanks all for your responses. I have a tremendous amount of guilt for not making this marriage work, not to mention the pain this is going to cause our parents…
But I guess better to deal with the break up now than wasting more time and causing even more pain…
Your parents aren’t the ones staring down the barrel of a lifetime of loneliness and sexual frustration. Not to mention, pointing out to your parents that you staying in this marriage means no grandchildren for them might help change their tune.
It takes two to make a marriage work. Sounds like there’s only one of you that gives a crap about this relationship. Good luck.
How’d you go?
Man, I hate this bullshit attitude. If they didn’t give a crap, they wouldn’t be posting here.
If you reread her post, you would see that you have misunderstood it.
Agreed. It was very clear to me what she meant.
My apologies, Helena330! I skimmed way too fast. embarrassed