Like others have mentioned, it was REALLY nice to read all the responses and know that you’re not alone.
I too am in a passionless marriage. I have decided and am working up the courage to ask my husband for a divorce. He is my absolute best friend. We have not been intimate for 6 months and I have no desire to be ever. It has never been good past the initial new love stage. He just does not do it for me.
He has been an amazing step father to my daughter. The only father she has ever known. But I know that it is not right for us to stay together. He will not feel the same. But I can no longer live in his fantasy that we have the perfect life together. It is not a life. It is existing.
I have been with my husband for 9 years, though we only got married last year. He is my best friend, and I adore and admire him.
Several months ago, I discovered via a LinkedIn network recommendation that my ex-boyfriend has moved back to my area – he had previously lived across the country ever since we broke up – and I found myself falling into deep depression and grieving that old relationship. I couldn’t understand why; after all, I have an incredibly loving relationship with my husband. I started going to a psychologist to try to battle my depression, and figured out that what I miss about my relationship with my ex is passion – I felt something for him that I have never felt for my husband, even though I love him deeply. I have tried to make an effort to “feel more sexy” around my husband, treat my generalized anxiety, bring more “fun” to the bedroom – but nothing changes the awkwardness that I feel even just kissing him. I do have a sex drive, but not for him. 
I’m now at the point of choosing between: going on in this relationship knowing that I am set to never feel that magical “butterfly” feeling, or have desire to have sex with my partner, ever again in my life; or divorcing the person who means the most to me in this world, losing him, losing my sweet, amazing stepdaughters, and causing all sorts of collateral pain for selfish reasons. I suppose it’s not entirely selfish, given that my husband and I have sex less than once a month due to my “issues,” even though he insists up and down that this is not important to him. He does not know (at least on a surface level) that I am not physically attracted to him.
I have lived my life in fear of hurting others, only to end up at the cusp of making a decision that will hurt those who are dearest to me. I’m terrified.
I’ve scouted the Internet for perspective on the problem, and there seem to be two camps: the “honor your commitment” one, and the “do him and yourself a favor and divorce.” Neither is easy. My thoughts are with everyone else who has dealt with this.
Will you adore and admire your ex when the passion diminishes or goes away, as it inevitably does? Best look at that, melusine. New Relationship (or Rekindled Relationship) Energy doesn’t tend to last. Many people tend to chase those ‘butterflies’ over a cliff.
Not always, granted.
I have looked at this, hard. for nine years. This is the philosophy on which I have been operating for the entire relationship. I love my husband dearly. We have a wonderful partnership. I thought I would be ahead of the game in cultivating a strong, loving relationship on all other fronts, since passion is supposed to wane over time. The flip side of this is that the awkwardness in kissing my husband, let alone engaging in any further sexual relations, is a source of immense guilt. I dread coming home at night knowing that he wants to initiate, but won’t for fear of offending me. I have to psyche myself into engaging at all. I hate to wear makeup around him for fear that I’ll be a tease.
What is crushing to me lately is that I have never experienced a sexual relationship with someone with whom I have chemistry. I never slept with my ex, as I was young and wasn’t ready at that time, and he was respectful of my boundaries. I have tried to pull out all variables involved in my awkwardness with my husband, to no avail. I am 32 years old, and my husband is 36. How long should I stay in a relationship where I lie in bed hoping that my husband won’t try to initiate each night? How long should my husband be in a relationship where he is afraid to initiate because of his wife’s “issues”?
I am not making any rash decisions. I am still dealing with depression, and trying to get any biological contributors out of the way. I know what I would be giving up if I left – and more than that, I know the pain I would be causing. I don’t know at this point whether the grief over what I don’t have will overpower my appreciation of what is present. I do know that I have thrown myself into workaholism over the years, and have tried to find passion elsewhere in my life (in work, in hobbies) in addition to working to find ways to spark things at home, but I am still very down.
Well, if you’re going to bail, do it quick. There’s no kindness in hanging someone slowly. And for Og’s sake, don’t re-start a relationship with your former boyfriend until you’ve told your husband you and he are done and you want a divorce. End it honestly, not with a clandestine affair while he thinks he’s still in a monogamous committed relationship. That would likely increase his pain by an order of magnitude.
Good luck.
Consider counseling.
I agree wholeheartedly that there is no kindness in hanging someone slowly. I am taking steps to make sure that I am not completely off-base (or just chemically unstable) before I make a decision that I can’t take back.
My former boyfriend himself is not playing a part in my decision. No idea if he’s the same person that he was 12 years ago, and he could be married, for all I know. Memories of him have been a catalyst in figuring out what is missing from my relationship, but I would NEVER cheat on my husband. Ever.
It feels dishonest enough to know that my husband and I are not currently on the same page in regard to our relationship, since I haven’t straightened things out in my head/heart enough to want to start articulating that things are in trouble (because what if I’m just not well, and this passes? :smack: ). I’m trying to get my sh-t together, quickly.
For some, I think asking the spouse to get a full physical check-up is a good idea. Very often people will change in terms of poor behavior and sex drive, etc. and have not a single clue that its basis is in physical or psychological issue that can change … even if they’ve “never” been “into” sex, etc.
Naturally, if someone (a) doesn’t see it as a problem, and/or (b) refuses to consult with one or more folks to ensure there isn’t a solveable issue, then you’re left with the decision of whether to part.
For those who “stay together for the kids”, I’d consult with a counselor on that. Regularly, you will find that the kids would rather have two happy parents than people who are just “roommates” … even if there are no regular arguments. On a regular basis, folks saying they are staying together for the sake of not wanting the kids to be upset are using that as a convenient excuse, with or without a legit basis, when in fact the unacknowledged overriding issue is fear of being alone, fear of standard of living changing, etc., etc.
My wife and I have been married almost 6 years and have been together almost 7. I have been debating for a while whether or not being in a passionless marriage is enough reason to leave. My wife is a good person but also has a lot of hangups she is unwilling to deal with. There is some irony in this story I think.
My wife and I were friends for several years before we started dating and I had no interest in her at first. When I would talk to or talk about other women she would get jealous and say “I don’t understand why anyone wont give me a chance I have just as much to offer as the next girl if not more.” Well I gave her a chance and we started dating. After spending all that time convincing me to give her a chance she then starts to talk about me not being serious and that I was going to leave . She came up with all of the excuses as to why I would leave in her head, its become a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. I moved in 7 months after we stared dating and we eloped 4 months after that because I wanted to show her I was serious. We had a real wedding 6 months after that.
We waited two months into dating until we started having sex but once we did we were like rabbits and at least 50% of the time it was initiated by her. She conveniently waited until after we got married to tell me that she can go 3 weeks at time without sex and would rather sleep. In my head I was thinking yeah that’s not gonna happen, I was wrong. She kept talking about wanting to get pregnant and i kept saying well in order for that to happen you have to have sex! I can say now with no exaggeration that she shoots me down 90 % of the time yet she cries when I don’t try, see the irony again? Needless to say I very rarely try anymore. I asked her the other day if we could take a shower together and all of a sudden she sprung a stomach ache, what a shock, they always come at the most inconvenient times. We have sex once or twice a month if I’m lucky and god forbid I complain about it. I just don’t understand!
She spends most of her time at work which leaves me to do most of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. I work full time and still do 80% of the work around the house and I never complain. My wife has admitted that she does not make me a priority and takes advantage of me but I guess I have to deal with it because I said I do. Sorry is all I ever hear but no effort to make a change. I have asked to go to counseling and she says she knows what to do just needs to do it. Things change for a week or two and we fall back into the same rut.
We have both gained weight which does not help her already horrible self esteem. She cannot stick to diet or an exercise routine yet she constantly uses her weight as an excuse to not have sex, she really likes to sabotage herself. I give her compliments like " I like the way your ass looks in those jeans" OR "You look cute in that dress. Her response? “You’re crazy!” a simple thank you would suffice but that’s too much to ask for. There is a new gym opening up near by that I am joining so I can lose weight. She told me I cant lose too much weight or we wont match! How about I don’t care!
She sends me texts messages saying she misses me and cant wait to see me yet when she comes home she spends most of the night sitting on the couch petting the cat. No kissing or cuddling with me, if I make an attempt to go near her I get chastised because we don’t want to disturb the precious cat. Let the cat pay some of the bills then! I bought her a brand new car didn’t get so much as a BJ for it. I sent her flowers at work she texts thank you then comes home and asks me to rub her shoulders. After I’m done she goes to sit with the cat, then has the nerve to ask me whats wrong…nothing never mind. I’m not saying I should get something in return every time I do something nice but shes getting to the point where she just expects to get her way and give very little back. I feel so used sometimes.
Most people on these forums say you need to communicate but in my case it doesn’t work, She either promises to make a change and doesn’t or makes me feel like im an inconsiderate asshole for saying anything. Why should she change anyway she gets what she wants out of me and doesn’t even have to screw me. Shes told me before shes afraid I would resent her and its coming to that at this point. I talked her into taking a new position at work because she uses her job as the biggest excuse for ignoring me and shes never around. This is my last hope at this point but for some reason I think its a wasted effort. The good news is we have no kids, no property together and we make close to the same amount of money which makes things a lot easier. I just don’t want to make a decision Ill regret later.
Because this is not The Pit, I cannot use the language that is appropriate here.
So, I’ll be very chaste about it. Your mind is being manipulated to a high degree. Your mental and physical health are suffering even if you do not see it that way as of yet. Trust me. You’re describing my first marriage in many ways.
Get the hell out.
In this case I completely agree with Cartooniverse. Get the hell out.
I really needed to find this thread and thank you all for sharing your stories. As sad as I feel after reading everyone’s posts, I do also feel some comfort in not being alone in this situation. I don’t know what the right decision is for me, and this is starting to spiral down.
I’m 40 and we’ve been married over 10 years and have 2 kids. He was so crazy about me when we met that I just went with it. We were engaged within weeks and I thought a big ring and a responsible guy would be enough. I never felt much attraction and no passion, but I wasn’t completely turned off, as as time passed, it stayed the same verse other relationships that always ended in total physical repulsion after about a year. We are great friends and have a lot in common, but we are buddies living together. He is still really attracted to me, but I’ve always suspected he liked me on his arm to show off more than anything else I had to offer. He does also have a bad temper and overall unhappy personality much of the time, which has always bothered me. We both make good money, but I’m pretty irresponsible, so he has been the one who held our lives together. He stuck with me thru some really bad financial decesions and always forgave me.
The problem is I have been missing passion, lust, desire and everything I believe true love is made of. We rarely have sex, and when we do it has always been a chore to me. I started thinking maybe I was just broken and not capable of even getting turned on anymore. I have contemplated leaving for a long time, but my whole life would change. What is more important, a secure life with a good guy or a chance at finding my soul mate to really enjoy my life with? I think I would give up every cent I have to live my life in peace with affectionate love shared with the right guy, but I’m not sure if that really exists.
Then six months ago I fell upon a new person. I won’t say where, but I see him at his work and we had an immediate intense attraction and we were somewhere I see him weekly. We become really close friends and then became intimate, but everything remains concealed to our visits. Try not to judge me on having this affair, but I’ve become so lonely and depressed over the years. New guy has reminded me what is possible in a connection between two people, what it feels like to be kissed sweetly and treated like I’m the best thing on earth, but is it real and would it last? I didn’t know it at first, but he is also nearly half my age, is in a relationship and has a new baby. He is in the same situation as me as far as his relationship but he makes much less money and is scared to not have access to his baby. They are good friends too and it’s a scary thing to give up.
So many of us are settling though. Life is so short and time is flying by. I feel like I’m robbing my husband of his destiny and myself of time and the possibility of real happiness. My kids would struggle, but we would get through it.
I love this new guy in a way I’ve never felt in my whole life, but maybe I’m just confusing his life and certainly could be ruining his girlfriends, since she appears to think they are currently a happy couple. I’m not ready to give him up completely yet, but I know we met for a purpose. At a minimum as a reminder that I’m not dead yet.
I believe that life will go on better for my husband and for me if I can just get the nerve to move on and to free him too. He said he would never be the one to end us. I’ve set a 6 month goal to save some money and evaluate everything. During that time, hopefully I will gain the clarity I need to make a decision that will be best for everyone… And leave me without further regrets.
Stick with your husband. This new guy is nothing more than a fling. Your financial issues tell me you dont always make the right decisions and dumping a husband for some hot young thing on the side is dumb. What? Do you really think he will be so hot on you once your sharing a closet and a bathroom? Plus, what kind of decent guy bangs another mans wife?
Look, stay with your man. When your 65 and looking back you will be glad you did.
An update on my situation, for anyone following this thread:
In January, I moved out of the condo that I own with my husband, and into a rented room in another city. I asked him for a divorce on January 22. We are both in therapy separately, and we will go to a third therapist as a couple this Monday. He is convinced that I am just sick with clinical depression and don’t know what I’m doing. It is killing me to convey to him that while I love him, I don’t love him in the way that I need to feel in a marriage, and that I won’t do this anymore. I have been lying to him all these years as I have been lying to myself. I can’t even tell him that I love him and miss him, anymore, because that’s sending a mixed message.
This is the hardest decision that I have ever made. I feel beyond terrible for what I am doing to him. He is my best friend. I love him, as a best friend. I so miss having him around; we have so much in common. I am lonely. Yet, I have felt so much lighter without the constant pressure of trying to make the relationship work, against what my body is telling me. The constant anxiety that I have dealt with for the past nine years is gone. I am sleeping better than I have in years, even if I do spend most of my waking hours crying over what will likely be the complete loss of our friendship.
I see a faint light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m hoping it’s not a locomotive headlamp. My husband is in a great deal of pain, and I hope that he is able to heal and find a mutual romantic connection in time. I wish the best for him, and me, too.
melusine - It takes two to tango.
Don’t fault yourself, or your husband. Move on.
And if you are both strong enough, there really isn’t a reason for the friendship to die.
As others stated before me this is indeed a wonderful thread. I’ve been searching for advice or comfort (or both) for the last year within this topic and although there are many common topics, this one hits the nail in many areas. There are many stories and perspectives here and I am sure to each his own but still it is somehow comforting to see other people with the same kind of issues. Let me share you my story.
I’m 43, been married for 14 years, together for 20. We have one kid 11 years old.
We met at a party and got along talking. We kind of leaned on each other. Nothing happened then and a few weeks later got together again a couple of more times (along with other friends) and eventually started dating. There was never a passionate relationship. We enjoyed being together and had common tastes in most things. 6 years later we married. We always got along. At the beginning she was sometimes hard to handle as she was somehow bitter but my biggest imperfection is also a quality. I’m extremely forgiving and always try to conciliate. It was hard for me sometimes, but I managed. There was’t passion in the relationship. We liked each other and liked to do things together like travelling.
Sex was average and a bit of an issue at the beginning. I wanted more, she didn’t and although I made notice of that, nothing changed and I eventually ended up feeling guilty for wanting something physical. On the side note, and for reference, I wanted about 3 times a week she gave me 1. I settled for 1. From time to time I introduced the need for more as best as I could and tried to have more intimacy, not only by increasing our sex activity but also by promoting kissing, hugging and romantic actions. But I was always the initiator and years went by and intimacy levelled on residual moments. Sex about 6-8 times a year (yes I know) and we never talked about things related to ourselves. We talked but just on all other things like our kid management, the house, holidays and stuff. I simply gave up to be persecuting something I failed to gain over and over. At some time I thought: I need to feel desired. I cannot be the one to want and feel the need for this. So, we had sex whenever she felt like it. In 14 years of marriage we did not have one discussion. Not once. She pissed me off sometimes but I just avoided stating what I thought or I would just solve the problem so that it stopped being an issue. One thing that I have though much in the last months: we always go on trips away 2/3 times a year. We never made love in any of those countries.
So, our house is mainly quiet, I settled for what she gave me, we have good income, a nice house.
She is a wonderful dedicated mother and housewife. Note: housewife, not ‘wife’. No arguments. She’s the general, although I don’t feel controlled or subjugated. Sex is a problem for me but I went the easy way: porn. She does not know, of course, but as I told you, I gave up. From time to time I felt depressed and felt disappointed with myself. I have good things, but I’m not happy. We live together for 15 years and we have no intimacy. Is this normal? I gave up.
Everything was fine, so I thought. But here’s the problem: life happens. And one day out of nothing, I fell in love with someone else. Was not looking to be honest, it just happened. But it is still my fault because when you settle for something you clearly are not satisfied with you expose yourself (and your family) to an issue that may happen anytime.
Last year has been a nightmare for me. I’m having health issues and feel depressed all the time.
I feel that staying will give me a steady life. I won’t get sex or hugs or kisses, as I don’t even feel attracted to her anymore. I think she is wonderful person, but I don’t want to be intimate with her. I may be depressed as years go by for not fulfilling things that I love. And I feel I/We have been a bad example to our son. We don’t kiss, play or hug. This is not how husband and wife should behave. And it’s been like this for years…
If I leave I will have to deal with all the guilt of collapsing the marriage and the family.
It’s a loose/loose situation for me.
We talked a couple of times and she wants to be with me, of course, but feels I don’t love her anymore. She asks: what’s holding you? And I tell her that’s hard because its 20 years and we have a son…Decisions like this are not taken softly.
But on the other hand she gives me the impression that she could live like this forever… So confused… I feel more and more guilty for not having the balls to make a decision and not hold everything in this limbo.
HarryBurns – minus the biological kid, it sounds like we are much in the same shoes.
I adore my husband, but I don’t feel any physical chemistry toward him. The final straw for me was realizing that if I stayed in the marriage, I would never feel passion in a relationship for the rest of my life. Contrary to your position, though, I was the one holding out on my husband. I felt so incredibly awkward in bed… so I would “put out” whenever I could muster up the courage, which ended up being maybe 1x/month, but usually less. I did it for him. I loved him and wanted to make him happy, but it took “warming up” physically on my end before I could ever initiate, and even then, pain was an issue because I wasn’t physically into it.
We had discussed it every once in a while – I would bring it up because I knew I was failing – and my husband insisted that things were fine as-is, and that if sex were important to him, he wouldn’t have married me (OUCH). However, he didn’t always say this. It used to be “I wish we had sex more,” and then later, “I won’t deny that sex is important, but I know you have a lot going on…,” and now it’s “it’s fine, sex isn’t important.” He had given up. 
There are stepdaughters involved whom I love dearly, and I wanted so badly to be a good example for them, a stable, loving relationship (their mother’s relationship is often rocky). If I could stay and “just be happy,” and “just be appreciative” of what I have – and avoid causing others pain – I would, and these things have been what has carried me nine years into this relationship.
The example that is being set for children in the situation is a very important point. I entered this relationship with the conscious knowledge that I was looking for solid friendship, because “passion wanes.” For decades, my parents have slept in separate bedrooms. They don’t hug now; I can count on one hand the number of times I saw them hug when I was little. I have never seen them kiss. No “I love you” spoken, but I have snuck a peek inside the greeting cards that they buy each other, and they sign it “Love, [name]”… that’s the closest I’ve seen. Aside from the romantic realm, I haven’t even seen them carry on a meaningful conversation in past years. They sit in their respective “territories” in the house when I visit, and will have meaningful conversations with me, separately, but I don’t see much interaction between them. Watching this when I was growing up, I resolved to marry someone whom I could rely on, and had enough interests in common that we would always have a great friendship, because it was very apparent to me that passion in a relationship wasn’t something to bank on for the long-term, if it ever existed in the first place.
When I entered this relationship, everything was right in line, exactly what I was looking for. Plus, sex with someone who was so caring was novel (my immediately previous, and first, sexual relationship was with someone who was against foreplay because he said I felt tighter without it, and hence, foreplay would contribute to his issues with erectile dysfunction). However, the novelty wore off quickly, and I realized that sex just for the sake of having it wasn’t something that I wanted, and I began to miss having a passionate connection, but felt that I should appreciate everything else that I loved about this man, and how lucky I was not to be in an abusive relationship. Fast-forward nine years, and I had succeeded in “sleeping” a big part of my inner self that is just now coming back on-line.
I feel for you, truly. The decision to leave is a lose-lose in many ways, but there is a big, big reason why you’re out searching the Internet for advice and support. I was doing the same for the past few years – first Googling under “anxiety when husband initiates,” and then “not sexually attracted to my husband help,” and then “depression in platonic relationship” and finally “divorce not attracted to husband” or something like it, which brought me here.
Platitude that it is – life is too short. Find what makes you happy. and – as I hope – hope that your wife will find someone with whom she can have a passionate connection, because it won’t happen here.
melusine,
Thank you for your post.
Like you I browsed a lot looking for answers but there are so many contexts and perspetives that sometimes you can lose your own perspective. I’m the kind of person that does not make an important decision without thinking a lot on all sides. It’s important to feel comfortable with my conclusion so that no (or little) regrets come out of it.
Thing is that you can’t hold or pause life while you think about this and, in the process, I have had some degree of suffering. And it has been hard. For most of the years I was the one who initiated every sort of intimacy. Then I gave up and stopped and just waited for her whenever she felt like. I tried all sorts of strategies: telling her, spicing things up a bit or (and mainly) investing in a romantic context (not one with an immediate cause/consequence, but something I though would make her want more intimacy). Any kind of intimacy. I failed.
And for the last year or so I am the one who is holding out. I did not hold out once or twice but it did not went well. There’s no chemistry and now I came to the conclusion that it should and can be much more. And that is something that we are both responsible. In some ways, the cat is out of the bag and where there were some attempts from my side in the past, now there is none and she feels it. For me I feel it’s too late not because something died but because I came to the conclusion that there is so much more. If she had also invested maybe I would have never realised what I let go of myself and what I (we) have been missing. The butterflies in the stomach, missing each other… never there…But now…
Right from the beginning there was no or little passion. We have always been two people that got along well and had common interests. Whenever we do something we both love, we take pleasure out of it just for the thing itself, not from doing it together. We almost never attend to each other even if the context is a romantic trip. We enjoy it because we both like the trip and the place. But we rarely use that context to make it about us. And now I know why. WE don’t have what it takes for it. This is a big issue and I don’t know how to make her see that.
The main problem is that she can live like this forever and feel happy. A peaceful life, a good house, good food (I love cooking and cook a lot), traveling and ocasional intimacy 4/5 times a year. No problems, no discussions. No passion, no romance. And this bothers me a lot.
Marriage needs work and compromises. And for about 20 years I was fully committed to that. Anytime I felt that my needs (emotional or others) were not being fulfilled I either adapted or tried to make her get the message, directly or indirectly.
Thing is, there is a hard and most important truth that someone here stated: in order to adjust and compromise I lost myself and came to realise that if I continue here I’ll never be the man that I want to be to a woman. One, because I don’t feel the chemistry to do so, and two because I believe that that man does not mean much to her.
She loves me, but for the person that I made myself into. And that is something that I would advise anyone not to let it happen because although you might be able to get through life being that person and just occasionally feel unhappy and somehow compensate with other things that distract you and make you happy, you expose yourself (and your family) to one day waking up and start feeling really uncomfortable and trapped. And even when I say “she loves me” I’m really not sure if it’s the same “love” or definition that I have. There are a few things that were always missing and I always thought that were due to her personality. Now I’m not so sure.
It’s funny now that I think of some moments in my past (some a long time ago) where I really felt this but it never stroke me as it should. I would dream of things and contexts but never stopped to think about why I did it. I was stupid and let it go when I shouldn’t. Now it is maybe much harder. There’s a son and 20 years on my back…
As you said, life is too short. And I’m going to my 44 birthday… which also depresses me. I admire your courage! And I’m seeking for mine. I hate giving away hours, days, weeks doing nothing, feeling I am being a bad person to her and to myself and a bad example for my son. My life stopped 10 months ago.
I know this is a super duper old thread but I’m so glad I found it.
While I love him as a person I am no longer in love with him. There is no huge reason, I just don’t feel like this is right for me anymore. When I say “I love you” to him I know I don’t mean it in the same way as when he says it to me. It is purely a friendship now, but not in an “oh, all long term relationship people become best friends” way. It’s more than that.
There isn’t anyone else. I am not bored. I am not lonely. I am not curious to see if the “grass is greener”.
While there is a significant age difference (17 years) I don’t think we have grown apart (although perhaps I have grown away and become my own person a little?); we still love one another’s company and get along great. He hasn’t DONE anything wrong but it just doesn’t fit me anymore on a relationship level and I am AGONISING over how to explain this to him, plus everyone around me is of the mindset that if he’s not cheating, abusive, or disrespectful, what’s the problem? He’s a wonderful guy who has always treated me well. He’s going to want to know WHY and I can’t give him anything other than my feelings have just changed.
I have spent the past 6 months trying to get the words out but they just won’t come. Every night I go home I tell myself this is the night! Just spit it out! But then I just freeze. I keep thinking I need a huge reason to end it, to the point where I am almost willing him to do something awful to make it easier to leave.
We also bought a house only less than 2 years ago and I am terrified of the financial impact which I think is further paralysing me.
I feel SO alone. Please help.