I was talking to a friend of mine Friday. (I’m using the term “friend” very loosely here.) She and her husband are trying to have a baby. She mentioned she was irritated that her husband wasn’t home yet because they had to have sex right on schedule before dinner, otherwise she couldn’t do it for three to four hours, and she would have to wake him up at 4 a.m. Saturday to do it because they have to do it at either 4 a.m. or before dinner (I still can’t figure out the 4 a.m. part - I think it has something to do with optimal temperatures for getting pregnant). When I asked why, she said, “If I’m full, it puts too much pressure on my stomach.” I thought Hmmm, fair enough, but then made the mistake of saying, “There are tons of positions - perhaps you could try one that doesn’t require your husband to lay on top of you.”
You’d think I had just told her to try sticking her head in a bucket of shit. She was horrified by the suggestion that she try having sex any other way than missionary. According to her, other positions are slutty, even if you’re with your husband. :eek: Even more strange was that having sex prior to marriage wasn’t whorish - just certain sexual positions were, though oral sex was an exception and performing oral sex didn’t make you slutty. By now I was thoroughly confused.
So when I mentioned that there were many ways of having sex, and that I’m more than happy to engage in (even, God forbid, encourage) certain…acrobatics…to accommodate both me and my husband, she told me that having sex in any way other than missionary makes me no better than a whore. Needless to say, we probably won’t be speaking again.
But the whole conversation was really confusing. I mean, what criteria does one use to come to the conclusion that having sex any other way than missionary is slutty? And how can you justify oral sex if any other position than the man on top is “bad?” Has anyone else experienced this? I’m completely dumbfounded, and amazed - her mom was always very frank about sex, and never told her “nice girls don’t do that.”
If your sexual positions aren’t slutty, then you’re not doing it right.
This woman sounds like a dried up old prune, and I wouldn’t give her opinions on it a second thought.
It sounds to me like she had to reconcile several different and possibly contradictory ideas, all the while remaining “true” to some other overriding principle or person. I don’t think she did it very well, and the result is a weird mish-mash of beliefs with more holes than a colander. The missionary position may be the best for getting pregnant (short of her being upside down on her head - but then that would be slutty in the extreme), but if you want to experiment and possibly derive more pleasure out of sex, I don’t see what the problem is. I guess for her, sex is for babies only. Any other pleasure is sinful and wrong.
What exactly is it about other positions that’s supposed to be slutty? The fact that they can be more pleasurable for the woman than missionary? The fact that in some positions, the woman does more “work” than the man? The idea that it deviates from “the norm” and you just shouldn’t do something that’s not normal? I don’t get it.
I am the anti-slut. I was a 30-year-old virgin, and have only slept with the man I intend to marry. I’d laugh in her sanctimonious face if she tried to tell me I was a slut for using positions other than missionary. God forbid I actually, y’know, enjoy experimenting.
Apparently, you are a demonlover and satanist, as well, if you engage in any other style of sex than The Missionary Position.
Sounds prudish and maybe she is not comfortable with sex in general, seems like a hang-up. She probably has bad associations with other sexual positions. Do you think some guy might have done a number on her and made her feel weird about being sexually adventerous?
This is so sad. Sex can be so great and wonderful and ecstatic, and it’s ruined for her because of some weird bullshit some dipshit made up. Everything she, and people like her, are missing out on… it just makes me sad.
Eh, people are weird. I used to have a friend who got all weirded out and repulsed at the idea of people swapping candy back and forth while kissing. It was gross, disgusting, and unsanitary. Thing is, she had no problem giving blowjobs, even to a boyfriend she knew was cheating on her, enjoyed anal sex, and wasn’t real fastidious about washing between trysts. (That’s how she usually caught him.) She had no problems sticking a dick that had been in someone else’s ass without washing afterward in her mouth, but she was all squicked out about a little spit that, if she was doing it right, would be in her mouth anyway. I don’t even pretend to have any guesses on that one.
Anyway, some people still have the idea that only sluts are sexually aggressive. And if you’re on top, clearly you’re the aggressive one. Ergo, if a woman is on top, she’s a slut.
I think this is perhaps her problem. She’s also an “anti-slut.” The only person she has ever slept with is her husband. I’m thinking that perhaps she thinks other positions are slutty because she’s not very comfortable with them, and doesn’t have a very good self-image, especially during sex. She’s also very controlling, and all sex has to be on her terms, and her terms only. From what she’s said, her husband has suggested other positions, but has been shot down every single time. She did have sex before marriage, but that was with her husband, which I think helps her to justify pre-marital sex.
Either way, the whole conversation felt so strange to me. I was tempted to mention I was considering buying my husband porn for Valentine’s Day. But I didn’t want her to explode. At least not before dinner.
The only positions I consider slutty are the ones I can’t do. As in, the balance on my head with my feet on the wall kind of thing. (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
She needs to relax and have some honest to Og fun for a change. It would give her a whole new perspective on things.
Also, what’s wrong with allowing yourself to be under your partner’s total control every once in a while? Huh? Sometimes people have been very very naughty…
overlyverbose, it sounds like you’ve been talking to my ex. After 20 years of once-a-month sex (tops) in the missionary position, and several extramarital affairs (out of frustration), I left her for my much more adventurous and joyous present spouse. It wasn’t the only reason for leaving, but it was certainly a large part of the frustration.
Other than some cockeyed religious hangup or bizarre puritannical cultural mishmash, is it possible that she was sexually abused? I’ve known a couple of women who were, and their view on sex was that A) They had to have absolute control over when and how it occured, and B) Intercourse was a dirty thing, and being conservative about it somehow deflected that notion.
Of course, some sexually abused women are exactly the opposite, but your “friend’s” attitude sounds familiar.
What a shame as I’ve heard doggie style is the best position for getting pregnant. Which might be an old wive’s tale, but, then, proabably an old wife who’s having more fun in bed than she is.
I guess I could see from behind as being seen as slutty because it’s impersonal. Well, I don’t think it is but some people see anything not face to face as impersonal. And I guess on top is not demure enough (like that’s a good quality to have in bed :D)…but what about the millon onther possiblities? Unless she doesn’t know about them.
I think it’s interesting how normalized blow jobs have become. It used to be the ultimate slutty act. I guess anal sex is the new blow job…
By now I was thoroughly confused.
