OK, before the wife and I married back in April, we were both virgins. Since that time our sex life has been fun and fulfilling (for both of us, as far as I can tell), but not particularly adventurous. Basically, my wife (who has never seen a porno flick in her life) doesn’t feel comfortable having sex in anything except the classic “Missionary” position, although we have tried it with her on top a few times.
I, on the other hand, have seen a porno flick or two (or three, or four…) and have some basic questions about the various positions in which people have sex in these films. And, since it looks like I will not be able to satisfy my curiosity through direct experimentation (at least, not in the immediate future), I turn to the Teeming Millions.
My first set of questions have to do with the so-called “doggy-style” position:
[ol][li]What, if anything, do women get out of it? Is there any difference in sensation?[/li]
[li]Do women find the position demeaning (e.g., that they are being treated like a dog, or an “object”)? I’ll admit that I find this position the most exciting to watch in porno flicks, but I’m enough of a liberal at heart to to worry about why I find it so exciting.[/li]
[li]Is this position any easier or more difficult if the man (that would be me) is not particularly well-endowed? In other words, do you need a longer penis to have sex this way than in the Missionary position, or is this position actually better than the Missionary position if you don’t have a large penis? I’m kinda hoping the latter, since that would give me a plausible reason for suggesting we try it…[/ol][/li]The next question has to do with the position where the woman is on top, but facing away from the man. Basically, I’m just wondering if there are any advantages to either the man or the woman, or is this position basically just used in porno flicks because it shows off what’s going on better than other positions?
I don’t find doggy style demeaning at all, but I don’t get a lot of pleasure from it either. I do it for him. Men seem to love it, it doesn’t hurt me, and sometimes if I’m ready for him to get off it’s the quickest way.
The woman on top facing away position is more trouble than it’s worth IMO. It angles the penis in an odd way and causes discomfort for me. I could never get off this way.
I think you should encourage your wife to get on top more often. This is probably the best way she can get off, and once she realizes that she will probably be more enthusiastic about it.
I also like to go from missionary to both of us kind of sitting up with my legs wrapped around him. You can see each other, kiss, etc. and the woman has a good amount of control over the motion. My bf really likes it that way, as do I.
Well, this is a bit off-topic, but one of the reasons I think she likes the Missionary position so much is because she doesn’t have to do any of the work. Even when she is on top, I still have to do most of the work. I think it’s lack of experience more than laziness, however…
Well with her on top, you can grab her hips and grind her around a bit. This does a wonderful job of stimulating the little things that need to be stimulated.
I dunno, it sounds like it could be a submissive thing as much as a lack of experience or laziness thing. Some people are really into the idea of being held down and fucked silly, and not into the idea of holding someone down and fucking them silly at all.
As for the sensations, any variation in angle or pressure is going to cause different sensations. A good place to start might be to stick with the missionary stuff for a bit, but start putting her legs in different positions. Having your legs over a guy’s shoulders feels completely different from having them around his waist, and having them over his elbows is different from either.
I had a partner who was unreasonably well-endowed. Uncomfortably so, for poor little me. I enjoyed the missionary, until he put my legs on his shoulders (which permits greater penetration), causing frequent contact with the cervix. This is in no way advisable. I found that doggy-style, while permitting him to touch me elsewhere (ie breasts and clit), tending to result in too-deep penetration also.
My current partner is reasonably endowed (read, average-to-small), and when he suggested doggy-style, my first reaction was No! Owwie!!. Turns out, I enjoyed it a good deal more than with the previous guy. Deeper penetration, and free hands.
The thing with this position which porns are NOT going to teach you, is that you have an opportunity to do more for your lady than simply hold her hips still while you bang away. There is a definite argument for holding her by the hips, no question there: it’s a stability thing. However, once you have the knack of keeping your balance, your hands are free and clear to touch parts of her which are not in contact with ANYTHING. Not you, not the bed, not herself. Lack of contact, IMHO, is lack of stimulation, and can be boring.
As for demeaning, once you get used to something new, and you are sharing it with someone you love enough to marry, this will not likely be an issue. I find what is demeaning is a person’s basic attitude towards me. If sex with them is going to be that way, I know long before they get any such invitation, and decline to invite. But I do understand that I am speaking from several years of experience, and probably did NOT see things the same way ten years ago.
Maybe a bit, but that makes it all the more fun for me. Yum !
I do have a friend, though, who says this position just doesn’t work for her and her hubby. I am very sorry for that as without that position my sex life would be that much poorer.
Re: woman on top, facing the feet:
Pretty much the same response as above (ie “Yes, yes, oh my god yes”). I like it in the latter acts of the film (if you will), when I am really wound up and he’s a bit tired. He loves it. But I note the reports above re: the angle being a bit awkward. Maybe (blush) it’s better for the better-endowed man … I haven’t done it with anyone but Mr cowgirl so I’m not sure.
Also, whichever way she’s facing, put a pillow under your (his) ass. It makes it much easier for the lassie on top. The back-and-forth motion is much more arousing (for her) than the in-and-out motion that he often prefers, and it’s a lot easier for her when on top. Up-and-down is exhausting and not really rewarding, and the pillow keeps your goodies in the right place to allow her to go crazy.
Also, try it with you sitting on the edge of the bed, she is still in control and can get greater penetration that way.
Well, I’m a bit scared of contributing to this thread, as I just wrote in the “having sex while a child is in the room” thread. Oh well, what the hell.
I really like it, especially when my partner uses his hands to stimulate me. It does feel different to me, but I don’t know quite how to describe it. My description probably wouldn’t mean much to you, as we have different plumbing. I know my partner likes the different sensations, too.
No, I don’t find it demeaning. I think it helps that I have a partner who isn’t demeaning in other situations. Sometimes I miss not having eye contact with my partner. One thing that I think makes missionary so good and comforting is that I believe it has a more emotional connection. The participants have nearly full-body contact and their heads are together and facing each other. Maybe that’s what your wife likes about missionary. I’ve found that it’s more difficult to kiss and what-have-you in the other positons, including woman on top. I suggest you talk to her about it. If that’s what she wants, and you still want to try doggy style, you could try having sex while spooning. It’s still rear entry, so you get some of those new sensations. However, your bodies are closer together and it’s easier for you to kiss her back, shoulders, and neck.
I haven’t tried being on top and facing away, but that’s because I’m pretty self-conscious about my ass. In fact, that same attitude caused me not to be very thrilled about doggy style at first. It wasn’t until I told my partner this (and was reassured that it wasn’t a problem) and also realized that due to anatomy and mechanics, my bum wasn’t really on display, that I became more comfortable with it and started to enjoy it.
I don’t have enough experience to answer this question.
I know that woman on top is often advertized as the best way for a woman to orgasm, but I don’t believe that’s true in every case (or at least mine). Maybe your wife really gets off on missionary, or maybe, as Crazy Cat Lady suggested, maybe she’s into the idea of being on the bottom.
I guess my best recommendation is for you and your wife to communicate more about sex–what you want, what feels good, and what you are not comfortable doing. If you have cable, I would recommend you two watching reruns of “The Sunday Night Sex Show” on Oxygen. It’s on weeknights at 10 PM (Central Time), I believe. My partner and I have been pretty open in our communications (and last spring I took a human sexuality class at my university that had the goal of desensitizing us about sex and opening communications), but I’ve found that watching the show with a partner can really jump-start conversations about sex. Sue (the hostess) gives pretty sound advice, and many people who call in have questions very similar to yours. It really gives each person a chance to sound off on different sexual issues.
As always, but especially in the matters of sex, YMMV.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by godzillatemple * My first set of questions have to do with the so-called “doggy-style” position:
[ol][li]What, if anything, do women get out of it? Is there any difference in sensation?[/li][/QUOTE]
Well, in my experience, “doggy-style” sex provides a greater penetration. Much deeper than tradtional missionary (unless I have my legs behind my arms g) My husband also has easier access to reach around and ‘diddle’ me whilst pumping away. It also makes that great ‘smack, smack’ sound…
I don’t find it demeaning at all. I quite enjoy it.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by godzillatemple *
**
[li]Is this position any easier or more difficult if the man (that would be me) is not particularly well-endowed? In other words, do you need a longer penis to have sex this way than in the Missionary position, or is this position actually better than the Missionary position if you don’t have a large penis? I’m kinda hoping the latter, since that would give me a plausible reason for suggesting we try it…[/ol]**[/li][/QUOTE]
I don’t think you’d have to have a massive penis to make it work. Hubby and I do fine, and neither of us are porn-star caliber
I think this one’s for show. It been more trouble that what it was worth any time we’ve tried it.
FaerieBeth
godzillatemple, would you mind terribly if I asked another question on this topic? Being completely inexperienced myself, I’ve got a question about this too… In virtually everything I’ve read or seen(I don’t watch porn, so I mean R and NC-17 movies here) that utilized this position, it ends with them rolling over so he’s above her. Is this just fun for writers to write about/directors to direct, or is there some reason why a guy would not achieve an orgasm if he’s not “on top” at the end?
Sensation wise my GF doesn’t really get off on it, but does enjoy it. She does it to “finish” me quick. I can last (almost) forever in any other position other than this one, I don’t know why.
I worried about this and asked. Because of the nature of our relationship she doesn’t feel that this is demeaning. It’s a treat for me and it doesn’t hurt her.
Strangely I find the missionary position harder. I’m not by any means super long but the “normal” way to have sex isn’t very comfortable for me or her. I do get off if I move to the edge of the bed and have her legs on my shoulders but other than that, laying flat against each other isn’t very fun.
“Doggy style” is easy with any length. I can’t really “pull out” like a porn star but simply grinding against her is plenty for me.
elfkin477: Feel free to chip in any additional quesions. Somehow, I don’t think anybody is going to mind if this thread branches out a bit
And yes, I’m getting rather horny as well. Good thing my wife is within arm’s length (although, she thinks I’m responding to a philosophical thread in Great Debates…)
Yes Sir you’re gonna want to branch out so to speak. Doggy style is the best for me and the wife enjoys it as well. I don’t think it is demeaning one bit. Then there is the ottoman, the shower, the hammock ,the side entry with me kneeling above. I don’t think you need porno flicks to see some other posibilities, there are books showing variations that are quite good.
Well, in my experience, I have more control over when I reach orgasm when I am on the bottom. She tends to do more work, so I can relax more and concentrate on playing with her. So she is more likely to finish, then I can try to make her finish again.
YAY!! Doggy style is the greatest thing since sliced bread!! Demeaning? Part of the charm, man! Then again, I’m odd… or am I? (lol). Honestly, it’s FUN, FUN, FUN! It feels the best for both of us, he can grab my hair, my breasts, cheeks… and so on. He gets a nice view, too. What couple wouldn’t love it this way?
