This is obviously a sensitive topic, so please bear that in mind. And probably some serious TMI in here too.
I try to be very sensitive to my wife’s needs and desires. We are both religious, both virgins before marriage, etc. After marriage, we tried a variety of positions. I’m fairly open to trying just about anything (except bondage- never into that, sorry to anybody who is). My wife has been good about trying stuff, but was never comfortable with being on top, herself.
Well hey, I figure I can live with that. Fast forward a few years, and now she’s pregnant. Guess what one of the most encouraged positions is for a pregnant couple? Girl on top.
I’m a few inches taller than she is, but much of my height is in my legs- making standing sex difficult and forcing her to really arch with doggy style. The angle just isn’t that great. So my sensitivity says avoid girl on top, but also makes me want to try it so she can enjoy sex during the next few months.
We’ve talked about this, before and post pregnancy. She just can’t seem to relax when she’s on top- doesn’t matter which direction she’s facing, whether I’m laying down or sitting, etc. For some reason, she’s not able to relax and enjoy it.
So gals, any suggestions on how to help her relax? Anything I can say, or ask her about, or special techniques/positions?
(By the way, she hasn’t had any traumatic sexual experiences in the past.)
Presumably, girl on top is a suggestion for pregnant women because some find it more comfortable that way when they are in advanced stages. If she doesn’t find it comfortable (and therefore, I assume not sexually satisfying for her), then why push it?
Problem is, right now she doesn’t find missionary comfortable (size of baby), enjoys doggy but gets tired very quickly (height difference), and doesn’t like lying on her stomach for rear entry (size of baby). Pretty much nothing is comfortable right now, so I figure tackling a discomfort problem that is less anatomy and more an emotional thing could be helpful.
Doggy style is kind of a range of positions… maybe you can find a piece of furniture or a step that lessens the height problem? I know people who’d do it with both people standing and her leaning over the balcony, people who’d do it with her on all fours on the bed and he standing, people who’d do it with both on the bed (she on all fours, he kneeling).
She loves both for starters, but after awhile she wants, well, me. Dunno if that’s mostly habit or something else too. I saw on another forum a woman call the feeling “need to be filled” or something to that effect. Not sure I understand it, but I kinda have different plumbing.
Tried on the edge of the bed several times, but our bed was raised (for storage) and too tall. Hadn’t thought of trying that again, now that its no longer raised… That’s a real possibility there. We don’t own any other furniture it could really work with, not even a step stool. College apartment and all that.
It’s funny you both posted that within 60 seconds of each other. We tried that a few times, and both enjoyed it, but it wasn’t enough for her. Maybe had to do with technique… Regardless, probably worth trying again, since with the blood engorgement of pregnancy it might feel better for her now.
Will try these two ideas sometime soon. Please keep the suggestions coming folks!
Also, remember that there’s nothing wrong with using the rest of your bodies. Sex isn’t just about “hands grab tits, penis enters vagina”; same as hugs and caresses helping get things going is ok, it’s also ok to use them to help wind things down.
Have you considered getting her a vibrator and adding it to your lovemaking? When you are spooning her, let her use the vibrator on herself in the front.
Yup, or use it yourself on her if she feels too awkward doing that. Penetrate, do a few thrusts, bring out the vibrator and get it positioned right (maybe with her help) and then get her revved up enough to make it easier for her to orgasm with mostly or only thrusting.
You need the Starfish position. She lies on her back. You lie next to her on your side. She drapes the leg nearer you OVER you. You (still on your side) skootch up to her so your appropriate parts connect. You can take her other leg between your legs for leverage. Hard to describe, but this is comfortable for both persons with all relevant parts accessible. You can hang out here for a l-o-o-o-n-g time.
When I was pregnant, I couldn’t lay on my back at all, so the starfish sounds too hard … but maybe I’m having trouble visualizing.
To answer the OP directly for tips on encouraging woman-on-top position, tell her when she gets the hang of it, it is amazing. She can adjust herself to what feels best and is most comfortable, important in the latter stages of pregnancy. If she feels awkward, try it in total darkness for a while.
I don’t know if this is very helpful, but my advice is to practice. It makes a big difference!
Yes, you are having trouble visualizing. It is the EASIEST thing in the world! No athleticism or upper body strength required. Both parties are completely relaxed, and yet ultimate contact of sexual parts is facilitated. Once Did It in that position for 2.5 hours, slowing down, speeding up, chatting… dee-licious. It’s just hard to describe.
[spoiler]It’s sort of like this, except the guy is on his side. But their legs are intertwined as in the picture.
Thisis a slight variation where both of her legs are over his thigh, instead of their legs being intertwined.
I guess it’s the closest to thisone, but her upper leg is draped over him instead of sticking straight up in the air and her lower leg is between his legs. She can actually place her hand under his knee to pull him in tighter. [/spoiler]
Don’t give up until you’ve tried it. It’s EASY and very comfortable.
There’s also a variation on doggy style where the woman lies on her side in the fetal position, and the guy approaches from behind, either on his knees or in a plank (push-up) position. Would probably be easier on her back; though it generally works best when the woman can tuck her knees up close to her chest, so with the pregnancy you may have to do some trial and error to find the optimal positioning.
It’s sort of like spooning, except his body is in contact with her side instead of her back.
Speaking as a woman who has been pregnant four times, it is entirely possible she doesn’t want to have sex at all right now and is merely willing to do it for your sake.
If you really want to be “sensitive to her needs and desires” try not initiating sex at all and see how that goes. Don’t stop being cuddly and affectionate though, you could make her feel unattractive.
If that sounds unappealing then be grateful she’s willing to accommodate you and don’t pester her to do things she’s quite clear that she doesn’t want to do.
