Be bold. After all, faint heart never won fair lady…or in this case, cute guy. Although the bolder you are, the greater potential for embarrassment.
Sorry. It’s kind of late. I am a terrible wuss about asking people out. You are really young, but you are far ahead of people like me. At your age, I was far too timid to ask anyone out ever. I still don’t like the idea of doing it.
Hee, chocolate malteds. I can’t offer much advice, since the last person I was interested in (IRL as opposed to online, which is a whole other cringe-inducing kettle of fish), I was too shy to do much about. Thus a lot of possible opportunities went right over my head, and I only realized what might have been going on when someone else pointed it out to me.
Yeah, I think you were going well until you undermined yourself with the “I dunno. Yeah, it’s pretty stupid. People say the weirdest things. So I guess it’s just bull.”
I suspect he was stalling for time with the “Hahaha. How come I never heard of this?”, trying to figure out what you wanted to hear and what he was OK saying. That sounds like a flirtation to me, not a denial.
So you told him what to say, which was that it was pretty stupid and bull. So he did.
Poor thing. He probably thinks **you **don’t like him. You even used the “we’re still friends” line! Ouch!
Go back (MSN or IRL) and mea culpa yourself a little bit if you think he’s worth it. Asking him out may be your only option now, because he’s probably thinking it’s too risky to ask you out.
Well, now that my midterms are over, I think I’ll call him later or something and ask if he’d like to join me and my friends for a movie or something. I dunno…I’m just a confused, crazy teenager.
Is it normal for girls like me to “read too much” into these sort of things? I don’t know if my friends do it because they rarely like people of the opposite sex. My brain is too muddled right now.
Good girl. Yes, it’s absolutely, postively normal for girls like you to read too much into these sort of things. It’s normal for old ladies (30) like me to read too much into these sort of things. It’s also very, very normal to entirely miss when a guy is sending you signals. It’s even more normal to do both at once: you think maybe he’s sending signals, but then you decide you’re reading too much into it, so you miss the very real signals he is sending you. All normal. The bad news is, this doesn’t change as you get older. The good news is, you get better at dealing with it.
The only way to know for sure is to ask. And that means putting your ego (and I don’t mean “ego” in its negative sense) on the line a bit. But for a great relationship, taking the risk is totally worth it. For a non-relationship (that is, if he really isn’t interested) it’s much more time productive to gently ask, find out the truth and refocus your attention on some other great guy who’s been sending you signals - only you’ve missed them because you’re so focused on this guy.
So, either way, the best course of action is to ask him out. Don’t put words into his mouth. Ask him, and then give him time to answer honestly. Then you’ll know. You can either commence with the smoochies or get on with your life.
Well, he came on MSN a couple minutes ago and I asked him if he would like to come, but he said he’s doing something and he’s going to be busy for the rest of the week. I don’t know what he’s going to be doing and I don’t know if that means anything.
When I was in high school I liked a guy who was also in the band. I was pretty sure he liked me. I think everyone else in the band knew this too. Once someone said to both of us, point-blank, that we would make a good couple and have we ever thought of going out. I immediately dismissed the notion because I was embarrassed, but later I realized that what I had done was shot down any possible relationship with this guy. I still regret it.
Not that you needed another story, and anyway you’re young enough to have lots of opportunities, but you shouldn’t have to regret not being straightforward.
WhyNot hit the nail on the head. You told the guy that the idea of a relationship with him was “stupid.” That had to be pretty hurtful to him if he did have an interest in you. I know it would have absolutely crushed me at that age. Additionally, you really left him no choice but to say he had no interest in you. It sounds to me like you said this as a self-depricating kind of thing. There is no need to put yourself down.
I agree entirely with this assessment. When I was in HS, if a girl I liked, (especially a friend) asked me if I liked them, and they preempted my answer with ‘yeah, it’s stupid, and bull’ there is no WAY I would tell her the truth. If he thinks that you don’t like him, he’s not going to tell you that he likes you because he doesn’t want to make the friendship seem weird, and also he wants to keep his options open in case you change your mind.
My wife and I played that game (me liking her, then her liking me when I liked someone else, etc) for 5 years in 8th grade and high school, without telling each other anything. It took until 2 years after college, when she came to visit, that we both just said screw it and came out with how we felt about each other. A year later we were married. We could have saved, oh, about 12 years if we’d just come out and said ‘hey, I like you…want to give it a shot?’ Of course, I can’t complain about how it ended up, since we probably wouldn’t have ended up together had we dated in HS, but hey…you’ll never know unless you just tell him!
Trust me…the 2 minutes of fear when you tell him are much better than MONTHS not knowing. If he likes you too, you can just dive right in. If he doesn’t, well, at least you know and can move on instead of spending the next year wondering about it.
Don’t feel bad. Teenagers are pretty confined socially in what is considered an acceptable “date”. Don’t get me started on dates, but that is my feeling. Anything other than “dinner & a movie” or “movie” or “dinner” being more serious is either considered not a date, or too serious for a first get-together.
Life can be a hellish mess sometimes.
Just ask him if he wants to go see Elektra with you. We only live once.
I already asked him and he said that he’s sorry, but he’s busy for the rest of the week. Doing what, I don’t know. I didn’t bother asking him what he was doing because I don’t want to invade his privacy or anything. If I ever get the chance, should I ask him out again? It’s not like he said no because he hated me or anything, right?
Hey, there dare. I’ve been following this thread for a while, and I’ve been rooting for you Anyway, I just have an opinion to offer about this post, and you can take it for what it’s worth.
I’ve been in this spot with a guy before, at about your age. If he says he’s busy the rest of the week, don’t think too hard on it, but don’t ask him out again. He doesn’t hate you - but that may have been a polite turn down. Don’t get too upset about that! The thing is, now the ball is in his court. Don’t touch it.
Asking him out again could lead to regrets later, and feeling foolish about yourself (though we’ve all done it, but you won’t be able to help it, if you’re like most of us!) If he wants to go out with you, he will ask you.
He could be telling the truth: he may be very busy this week. If he’s interested, he’ll get back to you sometime. If not, count on him being busy for a while.
I’m sorry if I sound unencouraging. This has just been my experience (except… well, except I chased my crush! I ruthlessly pursued him! We don’t talk anymore… me because I’m embarrassed, and he because I’m sure I freaked him out a little). YMMV, of course, and I wish you all the luck. In time, he may become interested. But you’ve done about all you can do at this point.
Warm fuzzies for you, and if you feel the need to vent or cry on our shoulders (or if you get good news! Even better!) you know you have us Dopers to come to. You’re one of us, after all
Just wait a week, and see what happens. If nothing, take a deep breath, put your chin up, and look at other guys. big hugs for you, no matter what happens.
Well, it’s not like I totally destroyed my friendship with him. I just met him this year, so our friendship is still at that building stage, I think. It’s a good thing I didn’t tell him that I like him because our friendship would be ruined; he’d never talk to me again; I’ll go all depressed, etc., etc. If I have this much trouble as a teen, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me once I hit adulthood. Sheesh. :rolleyes:
Excuse me while I have my private pityfest.
Anyway, I just have an opinion to offer about this post, and you can take it for what it’s worth.