I’ve been dating this woman (I’ll call Jane) for about a year and 2 months now. She was married to another guy (I’ll call John) for 6 years and they had a child together. With the way they have the visitation set up the Ex-husband picks up and drops off their child about 3 times a week. Jane calls up John on every day that he is supposed to pick up the child to “remind him” that he has to pick the child up. Why she would have to do this I do not know. Apparently they carry on quite a conversation during these phone calls because she will sometimes call me up at work and tell me about all the stuff they talk about. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about this and I have told her that with the conversations that they have it sure does sound like they are REALLY good friends. When I did this it would get her all fired up and she would go into this tirade about how much she can’t stand John and how she could care less if he died. Then she throws in this, “I care for him as a person.” and she says that the only reason that she speaks with him is because of the child. Well she just called me up at work and all she could talk about is her conversation with John this morning. John apparently did something this weekend and she says, “I can’t wait to see him tonight to see what he looks like.” Then she also threw in, “Isn’t that strange that he would do something like that? It is even stranger that I had a dream this weekend about something like that happening to me.” It is possible that I am just really feeling jealous but that doesn’t sound to me like she can’t stand John and wouldn’t care if he died. Am I over-reacting? What do you think?
Sounds like she’s still hung up on John. No, you’re not over-reacting.
She may not be completely hung up on John, but she may very well still have a place in her heart for him, even if it’s only because he’s the father of her child. Emotional ties are funny and unpredictable things, and one thing I’ve learned is never take an ex’s word for it when they say “if he died I couldn’t care less!” I’ve seen women go to pieces over the deaths of their exes years after the bitterest damn divorces and even after long and happy remarriages. Go figger.
I haven’t seen any over-reacting from you yet, just a small comment about your own insecurities and sharing this with your SO. That’s what they’re there for.
She on the other hand does seem to be over-reacting towards you. I mean, saying that she couldn’t care less if the father of her child dies seems a bit over the top, even in a hateful divorce (which this isn’t). IMO this hard-line defence makes it logical that she’s hiding a part of her emotions towards John from you. Be it either because she doesn’t want to concern you when nothing is going on or because she (still) has feelings for him.
Advice? Well there’s the constant talking thingy that works quite well for me, but don’t let her dodge that easily.
Yeah what Uvula said.