Doing the right thing sucks. (Long and probably really depressing.)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

No one ever said doing the right thing would be easy.

For many, it is exceptionally painful and soul-searing.

It doesn’t seem fair that while some of us do the right thing * ( Which often is in the form of Responsbility ) others avoid doing the Right Thing but they get the credit * or The Life or The Fun Things In Life. And they are so Fucking Perfect. They get off scott-free and merrily flounce about thinking happy thoughts. While all you get cloudy overcast days, bill collectors and fat thighs.

Hating and despising these carefree twits is too easy.

Pity is something I really do have for them. For they are running from the Real World and Real Pain. Eventually, the Real World and Real Life catches up and when it is time to pay that piper, they cannot handle it and there is no one around to fob the Responsiblity too because Those That Have Been Fobbed At One Time To Many Will No Longer Be Around or Won’t Return The Calls Because They Know What Waits On The Other End And Are (Finally) Tired Of Doing The Twits Work. Wooo, run on sentance!

Those of us who are faced with Real Life and All Its Warted Ugliness are stronger for facing the hardships, the truths and the bleak horizon seemingly alone. Proving that we don’t crumple at the first chill of a bad wind, nor in the midst of the most violent storm we stand our ground like a mighty oak. And, occasionly, those of us Old Oaks get to have massive quantities of fun flinging acorns at those below and provide shade and comfort for those in need.
Doing what’s right doesn’t always have to be painful. Other people get rewarded for Doing The Right Thing, why not you? Why are the Fates Crapping On You?! Why, because you are strong enough to endure. And it doesn’t seem fair that to do the Right Thing must Hurt Alot too. But it does, and frankly, it sucks. You move along and roll with the wave, if you don’t, you will get swept under.

In the long run, eons from now, one day you will Make It. Somehow you will have ridden or swum that wave a long time and find yourself on the Beach. You won’t know how you got there, when it happened, but you will Be There and * Wow*…I did the Right Thing and Stayed True to What I Knew Was Best For Me and My Family and *See, everybody is semi-normal. * That wasn’t as bad as it could have been, I wouldn’t want to do it over again, but I wouldn’t change a thing because I did the best I could at the time with the energy and emotional strength I had at the time.
Metaphorically & run on sentancely yours,

Shirley

22

Thanks for the encouragement, guys. I’m humbled by your kindness :slight_smile: And Shirley, I’m thinking maybe you SHOULD write an advice column.

Just to address some of the points:

I definitely do not badmouth anyone in front of my kids; I know all too well what it feels like to have a parent trashing someone that means a lot to you. I could never let my kids feel guilty about loving someone else. So rest assured, that has never happened, and never will.

I’ve tried to convince him to bring the kids over to me, but he is unwilling to at this point. And while I’d certainly like to, I definitely can’t let him take all the responsibility for the demise of our marriage. It was most definitely a two-way street, and his affair was just the death-rattle of a terminally ill relationship.

23

Keep your chin up girl. :slight_smile:

Coming from a single parent family I can tell you that any effort you make to fill that void as infinitely appreciated by your kids. They may not understand why you cannot be there 24/7 and that is the harshness of life. What I can tell you is that kids are a wholly different creature and while they may miss you immensely all of their bad feelings (and your I hope) are payed back in interest for every second you are there.

Stay strong and you will all work something out.

(((((((((TellMeI’mNotCrazy))))))))))

24

In the midst of this love fest, I would hope the depth of suffering in the OP (it brought tears to my eyes) would serve as a cautionary tale to all readers who are married with children.

DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT WORK!

Regularly communicate with your partner, talk to your good friends, seek counseling before strong emotions shut down the possibility of reconciliation. If you are in an abusive relationship, don’t just bail, dig deeply. Find out why and how it came about, and what can be done.

I also hope that it would serve as a cautionary tale to all those considering marriage.

GET MUCH PREMARITAL COUNSELING!

I am regularly horrified by the lack of thought that goes into the typical marriage. Get some clarity on whether you have shared core values. Get a very good understanding of your partners views on money, sex, recreation, spirituality, family, and what marriage means to them.

Divorce will hurt you. It also hurts those around you (including those you love) who did not make the decision(s) that lead to divorce.

25

In Ohio, child support is partially determined by your income. So if you were able to find a job in the same city as your ex, even if it didn’t pay as much, you should be able to have the child support adjusted. And surely your living expenses would be much less. Then when you factor in the joy of being able to see your kids all the time…hey, the kids don’t care how much you make. It is such a difficult situation all around. My heart broke reading your post.

My ex and I have always lived within 5 miles of each other…but he had little to no contact with the kids during their school years because his new wife (the one he had the affair with) said he had to choose, and he picked her. Now she’s dumped him, and the kids don’t want anything to do with him. It broke their hearts that he didn’t want to spend time with them.

I hope you can find a way to move closer to them, and to reduce the time you have to waste each day commuting. If you were being paid for those 5 hours, you’d have the car tomorrow!

26

I would second all those who have encouraged you to keep contact with your kids, regardless of how difficult or time consuming it may be. (Like this was ever any question in your mind though, right?)

I got divorced 17 years ago when my girls were a little over a year and just turned three. For 11 years, we lived in the same city as their father–at one point he even lived two blocks down the street from us. However, very little effort was made on his part to contact them, especially after his girlfriend got pregnant with their first child. It became worse after she became pregant with their second child. (Of course, with their third child, my daughters know almost nothing about their half sibling.) Unfortunately, I have very typical stories about how he’d promise to call/show up/take them for the weekend, all with broken promises.

As a result of this, the father of my daughters has no clue what truly amazing people my two daughters are. He has no concept of their strength, their wit, their tenacity and their spunk. I am sure any memories he has of them probably does not include their intelligence, their sense of humor and their ability to be simply wonderful people. Also unfortunately, they have wrestled for years about why their father simply disposed of them. Yes, I have raised them (single handedly) to be wonderful people, however, I was their mother, not their father, and nothing I could do could, in the end, make up for what a SOB their father turned out to be towards them.

If there exists a hell, then surely it will be filled with people who were crap to kids.