Donald Trump, Jesus, and a doctor walk into a bar …
Desi Lydic started this joke on the Daily Show but didn’t finish. I think it’s too good a setup to waste. 100 internet points to whoever makes the funniest version!
Moderating:
This is clearly not a P&E thread as written even if it’s based on real political events. @frazzled, let me know if you want it moved to the Pit or other appropriate forum, but it’ll remain closed here otherwise.
UPDATE - With the OP’s permission, this is moved to the BBQ Pit and re-opened.
Surprised, the bartender says, “Bob, the last time I saw you, you were staggering out of here half-drunk and muttering ruefully to yourself.”
“I don’t really understand what happened,” replies Bob. “I stumbled over an old lamp, and kind of rubbed against it, and a booming voice said my wish was granted; that’s all I know. What was I saying when I left?”
“Jesus Christ, I wish I were a doctor with a giant dick.”
“Trump says ‘OUCH!’, and the other two duck.”
That’s pretty well done!
And the bartender, a big strong guy with tears in his eyes, says “what’ll you have, Dr. trump your holiness, sir?”
No one I know could top Lydic’s humor. She’s honed it to an art form.
Bartender : “Sorry, we don’t serve Diet Coke here.”
Well, with Jesus, a doctor and Trump, there’s gotta be a golfing related punchline in there somewhere.
Not mine. Possibly written by AI.
The bartender looks up and says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
Donald Trump says, “It’s not just a joke, it’s the greatest joke in the history of jokes. People are saying it’s the funniest one they’ve ever heard. Huge punchline.”
Jesus calmly gestures to the doctor and says, “I’ll have a water. He’ll have a wine… eventually.”
The doctor sighs, pulls out a clipboard, and says, “I don’t care who’s turning what into wine. Everyone in here needs to fill out their insurance forms before I can authorize a round.”
Donald Trump, Jesus, and a female doctor walk into a bar and order drinks.
When the tab comes the bartender asks Trump if he wants to pay. Trump fumbles through his pockets, says he forgot his wallet, and tells him to ask Jesus.
The bartender asks Jesus and while reaching for his wallet Jesus grumbles “…every time…”.
Bartender asks what’s up so Jesus explains.
“For my Birthday dad said I could have anything I wanted. Since I’ve been celibate for over 2000 years now I figured it’s time I get the perfect mate. So I asked him for a woman will take care of all my needs, has plenty of money and a tight pussy.”
Either I don’t “get” it or it’s just not funny.
Hmmm 
It’s misogyny. Not merely ‘just not funny’.
trump, a doctor and Jesus are playing 18 holes, and Jesus is playing much better than trump, even despite the fact that trump takes every opportunity to cheat.
What’s more, Jesus is really rubbing it in-- every time he takes a shot, he says “watch this, donald-- this is how Arnold Palmer would play it”.
Finally Jesus takes an uncharacteristic bad shot and his ball ends up in a water hazard. Undeterred, he walks out onto the water, raises the ball up to the surface, and prepares his next shot.
A drunk golfer going by on a cart stops, staggers over and says to trump “who does that guy think he is walking on water like that, Jesus Christ?”
trump says, “no, he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer”.
(That’s the usual punchline, but then trump goes on to say…)
"But Arnold Palmer was strong and tough-- when he took showers with the other pros, they came out of there. They said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable.’ I had to say it.”
Then the doctor says “lack of a mental filter and saying whatever’s on your mind regardless of its lack of appropriateness in current company is one of the classic signs of incipient dementia, sir”.
…and there was only one Bar Stool open.
So they sat down.
A Doctor, Jesus, and Trump walk into a bar. Suddenly the bartender keeps over. The doctor jumps into action to try to save his life, Jesus jumps into action to try to save his soul, Trump jumps into action to blame it on Biden.
Somebody got a pic of trump ‘jumping into action’ when the bartender keeled over:
In this context, “pussy” is a reference to Trump, and “tight” means “cheap”.
Only a democrat would embarrass el donald by keeling over.