Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother was very sick, and Red decided that it would be a nice thing if she took her ailing grandmother some treats to make her feel better. She packed up a basket with all she would need, put on her red riding hood, and announced to her mother where she was going. Her mother told her to have a good time and to give grandmother her love, but also gave Red a warning.
“There’s a big, bad wolf out in the forest, Red. Be careful, and don’t let him catch you - if he does, he’ll pull up your dress and play with your titties.”
Red thanked her mother for her sage advice, but promised that she wasn’t worried about the wolf. With a spring in her step, she set out for the forest path.
On the way out of town she passed by the baker’s shop. The baker was setting pies out in the window, and called out to Red as she passed.
“Good day, Little Red Riding Hood! Where are you off to?”
“I’m going to grandmother’s house to bring her treats. She’s very sick, you know.”
“That’s very kind of you, Red, but be careful out in the forest. There’s a big, bad wolf out there, and if he catches you, he’ll pull up your dress and play with your titties.”
“Thanks, but I’ve got everything under control.”
On Red went, down the forest path. The sun was shining, the breeze rustled in the trees, and birds were singing. A little way out of town, Red came upon a woodsman, chopping down a tree.
“Hello, Little Red Riding Hood! What are you up to this fine day?
“Hello, sir! I’m off to my grandmother’s house, taking her treats because she is sick.”
“What a good little girl you are! But, you’d better be careful out there. I’ve seen evidence that the big, bad wolf is around these parts, and if he catches you he’ll pull up your dress and play with your titties.”
“Thank you for your concern, sir, but I’m sure I’ll be quite all right.”
Further into the woods she wandered, and before long the trees blocked out the sun. The birds grew still, and a hush seemed to descend on the forest. A wolf sidled out from behind one of the trees and stood in Red’s path. He grinned a lascivious smile, his teeth glistening.
“Hello, Little Red Riding Hood. I’m the big, bad wolf.”
“So you are. I’ve heard about you.”
His grin grew a little wider. “Then you know I’m going to pull up your dress and play with your titties.”
Red grinned back, reached into the basket, pulled out a .44 Magnum and pointed it between the wolf’s eyes. “No,” she said, “you’re going to eat me like the story says.”