Doomed chat up lines

Chatting this morning, I was reminded of a couple of apocryphal corkers from yesteryear. Young (northern, for some reason) lad, nervous, somewhat the worse for wear approaches* big *girl on edge of dance floor with a view to inviting her for a grope an’ grind;

“’ello, yer don’t sweat much fer a fat lass” - Beautiful ! :smiley:
… meanwhile, his equally inept friend is approaching her mate;

“Yer so gorgeous, yer couldn’t fight me off with a shitty stick!”
Anyone got any other Titanic-sized chat up lines ?

“you look like your ma did when she drank here!”

Hey, that’s the one I thought of when I saw the title of the thread. BTW I don’t know if Ivor Biggun coined it or if he just quoted it in his beautiful song “I Could Be the Hot Dog and You Could Be the Bun”.

The “don’t sweat much for a fat lass” appeared in Sid the Sexist about fifteen years ago. Another doomed Sid line was “Do you like fruit? Well, how’d you like to suck me plums”. A visit to the infirmary inevitably ensued.

This one has NEVER worked for me:

“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”

I just thought of this one:

“Do you wanna dance first?”

Dragwyr said:
This one has NEVER worked for me:
“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
But it works for me every time :slight_smile: Started using it in college and we’re married now!

Any reference to footwear in my house beyond “help me find my shoes” is usually about sex!


Then say nothing for 5 minutes.

FranticMad, that’s never worked for me!!

I’ve had no success with “What the hell are you looking at?”

It worked at Woodstock…:smiley:

That is truly shocking. People wore shoes at Woodstock?

Mostly sandals or sneakers. Some few girls wore combat boots, thus the successful come-on line.

kinda makes me wish i hadn’t not yet been born.

Or something.

“I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?”

Before you ask, no I’ve never used it!

I had a friend who’s ultra suave attempt to get the girl to come back to his apartment consisted of:

“What say we head to my place and you can split them getaway sticks for me.”

Usually an all out, last ditch effort, but it actually worked a few times.

Actually, it pains me to say this but I do vaguely remember a red-wine induced horror story … it was an art gallery … something about her frame and a better mounting … <cringe> … oh dear, dear, dear …
Another one … why am I *doing * this … was a date at the cinema:

Girl: " Upstairs or downstairs ?"
Me: (looking her up and down) “Yes, it’s always a dilemma knowing where to start…”

… dreadful, dreadful…

“nice legs, when do they open?”


“Whoa, nice haircut. Lose a bet or something?”

I’ve actually had a guy use this one on me…

“My hobbies are driving, basketball and sex. Wanna fuck?”
He then topped it off by whipping out his willy and waggling it at me.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so impressed. :rolleyes: