Doomed chat up lines

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Chatting this morning, I was reminded of a couple of apocryphal corkers from yesteryear. Young (northern, for some reason) lad, nervous, somewhat the worse for wear approaches* big *girl on edge of dance floor with a view to inviting her for a grope an’ grind;

“’ello, yer don’t sweat much fer a fat lass” - Beautiful ! :smiley:
… meanwhile, his equally inept friend is approaching her mate;

“Yer so gorgeous, yer couldn’t fight me off with a shitty stick!”
Anyone got any other Titanic-sized chat up lines ?

2

“you look like your ma did when she drank here!”

3

Hey, that’s the one I thought of when I saw the title of the thread. BTW I don’t know if Ivor Biggun coined it or if he just quoted it in his beautiful song “I Could Be the Hot Dog and You Could Be the Bun”.

4

The “don’t sweat much for a fat lass” appeared in Sid the Sexist about fifteen years ago. Another doomed Sid line was “Do you like fruit? Well, how’d you like to suck me plums”. A visit to the infirmary inevitably ensued.

5

This one has NEVER worked for me:

“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”

6

I just thought of this one:

“Do you wanna dance first?”

7

Dragwyr said:
This one has NEVER worked for me:
“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
But it works for me every time :slight_smile: Started using it in college and we’re married now!

Any reference to footwear in my house beyond “help me find my shoes” is usually about sex!

8

“Hi!”

Then say nothing for 5 minutes.

9

FranticMad, that’s never worked for me!!

10

I’ve had no success with “What the hell are you looking at?”

11

It worked at Woodstock…:smiley:

12

That is truly shocking. People wore shoes at Woodstock?

13

Mostly sandals or sneakers. Some few girls wore combat boots, thus the successful come-on line.

14

kinda makes me wish i hadn’t not yet been born.

Or something.

15

“I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?”

Before you ask, no I’ve never used it!

16

I had a friend who’s ultra suave attempt to get the girl to come back to his apartment consisted of:

“What say we head to my place and you can split them getaway sticks for me.”

Usually an all out, last ditch effort, but it actually worked a few times.

17

Actually, it pains me to say this but I do vaguely remember a red-wine induced horror story … it was an art gallery … something about her frame and a better mounting … <cringe> … oh dear, dear, dear …
Another one … why am I *doing * this … was a date at the cinema:

Girl: " Upstairs or downstairs ?"
Me: (looking her up and down) “Yes, it’s always a dilemma knowing where to start…”

… dreadful, dreadful…

18

“nice legs, when do they open?”

unclviny

19

“Whoa, nice haircut. Lose a bet or something?”

20

I’ve actually had a guy use this one on me…

“My hobbies are driving, basketball and sex. Wanna fuck?”
He then topped it off by whipping out his willy and waggling it at me.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so impressed. :rolleyes: