I think I just creamed my panties a little reading that. That sounds like my idea of heaven.
I don’t have many serious food confessions other than if you set a pound of bacon down in front of me (fried crunchy please) I’ll probably eat it all. And then ask for more. But who wouldn’t? Bacon is the perfect food!
I love American cheese. LOVE IT. The stuff from the deli, I mean, not Kraft cheese singles. I do have standards.
Or, as I got them once, with whiskers. Mmmm… fresh porky goodness.
^^^What he said^^^
If I wrap a slice of bacon around the slice of cream cheese, it’s an appetizer, right? I’m not just eating the cream cheese? Unless, of course, I’m out of the ham.
Actually, I try not to have cream cheese in the house. It’s just too tempting.
And if you mash it together with avocado and a bit of salt. . . well, a bowl of that and a bag of hawaiian chips was how I found out I had gallstones. That was a loooong time ago. Almost never happens any more.
Mayonnaise can only improve a sandwich, and I sometimes make ones that consist only of mayo, salt, and bread.
Banana and black pepper also make a great sandwich.
I’ve also been known to put some shredded cheese and Chohula hot sauce in a tortilla and call that a snack.
My housemates and I make what we call “bachelor chow:” mac and cheese mixed with browned hamburger meat, with spices. A big pot can last us a week.
I wish I could cook as well as they can. 
I am very fond of a particular brand of honey mustard dressing, which I put on way more things than I want to admit.
I am having string cheese dipped in this honey mustard for dinner. Don’t tell my mom.
This is just begging to be called “Low-down Cheating Dirty Rice”, as it is basically “cheating” at achieving something like Zatarain’s Dirty Rice, which is pretty much cheating at authentic Dirty Rice, which I will not eat because I don’t do chicken liver or giblets.
To my confessions…
There are only a few vegetables that I do not think are improved by a little Hellman’s Mayo.
If no one is around other than my wife (who doesn’t drink) I’ll swig wine straight from the bottle. I do at least make sure not to serve any wine from such a bottle to anyone else.
I put enough sugar and cream in my brewed coffee to choke a pastry chef.
I don’t really like stir-fry. Something about the effect of the various sauces on the cooked (read: usually too mushy) vegetables does not sit well with my pallet. I usually eat around the vegetables, taking any meat/tofu pieces first, then the rice. Perhaps this has something to do with there being no Hellman’s mayo in any stir-fry recipe I’ve ever seen…
That’s all for now.
I liked mashed potatoes and bacon for breakfast. And mustard sandwiches for lunch.
I salt my watermelon and pepper my apples.
Also used to drink lemon juice, pickle juice, and Tabasco sauce (not at the same time.)
I keep thinking of more. I don’t understand why anyone eats with me.
I love food that I can eat with my fingers: Sandwiches, pizza, tacos, egg rolls. I just hate washing forks.
Speaking of pizza, if I lived in a world without calories or judgment, I could eat an entire pizza all by myself.
Sometimes I’ll let the cat drink from my glass of milk.
Braunschweiger liverwurst on crackers. I had it in kindergarten – every time I eat it now, I’m taken back to those days of no greater stress than deciding what toy to play with next. 
I’ve been known to buy and consume instant mashed spuds specifically for the flaky texture that never happens with real spuds.
Amen, my brother! We are few and misunderstood. PB&M on crappy white bread, PB on one side of each slice, M on the other, fold it over so the flavor doesn’t escape.
Hamburger cream gravy (with diced onions) on rice or macaroni. Lots of sage and pepper. Drool.
Smoked sausage, potatoes and onions all fried up in a pan until well browned. Fresh pepper.
Farman’s kosher dill slices right out of the jar.
French fries dipped in mayo. I order the mayo on the side at restaurants and get my kicks watching people turn green. I’m not sure why, as it’s really no different than potato salad.
French fries inserted into my burger.
Espresso with a side of vanilla ice cream. Freakin’ heaven.
Black bean chili mixed with cooked white rice. Man, I love that stuff.
I am not aware that potato chips are ever sold in anything other than a single-serving bag.
Love ‘em. By best friend taught me how to make a “pickle dog” - put a big ol’ pickle spear in a hot dog bun, add peanut butter and onions, cheese if you please…
I could eat a few of those now…
Joe
A pseudo Irish bar I used to frequent had Bass Ale on tap. They also used to serve Mac and cheese mixed with dried beef and gravy.
For Breakfast!
A glass and a bowl and you were ready to face the day.
I just use the disconnected lid of the can to strain the water, and drink it from the can like it’s a cup…
Joe
Olives and pickles are not safe for very long in my presence.
I love to eat salty pretzels and wash them down with tonic water.
Me, three. When I make cupcakes they have nearly as much homemade, buttercream icing as they do cake.
When I make ice cream I put on an obscene amount of caramel Magic Shell on top.
I LOVE Orville Redenbacher’s pour-over cheesy popcorn. I usually only put half the popcorn in the bowl but use all the topping. YUM.
I believe I’ve already stated many times my great love of ground beef. I will eat well-cooked ground beef and onions, seasoned with garlic, salt and pepper. In a bowl, by itself.
I like good food, but I also like hamburger sandwiches–and those require soulless white bread and Kraft plastic cheese slices.
Good French fries dipped into good mayonnaise–yum! Most delicious.
I often eat savory dinner items for breakfast. Leftover dinner is fine breakfast.
Most sandwiches are improved by adding a layer of potato chips to the mix. Especially pastrami and cheese. Yes, I like salt.
That has been my experience as well.