At the grocery store today an attractive woman struck up a conversation with me over the oatmeal. During said conversation I learned that she was divorced, had children, worked at the local hospital and prefers the old-fashioned oatmeal to the instant.
Even I, as clueless as I am, could see that she probably had some interest in me.
What should I have done at this point? Asked her for coffee? (I actually couldn’t, as I am having people over for the game and had to come home to prepare, but in the future…) Could I have said “I’m enjoying talking to you, can we continue the conversation later, here is my number”? (This will require that I keep a pen with me in the future.)
OK, this has never happened before, so probably won’t happen again soon, but next time I want to be prepared.
Keep a pen and your business cards with you, for sure. Were I in your situation, I’d have asked her out to brunch or lunch for today (strike while the iron is hot!); if she had plans, ask her for tomorrow or the coming week. You can judge by her reaction if she’s really that interested, or just flirting in the grocery store.
You should have told her you had a great old-fashioned recipe for oatmeal, and that you’d love to make it for her sometime. Then ask when a good time would be.
Yeah, I second the advice to keep either your business cards, or a notepad and pen handy. Heck, you could always rip off a corner of your shopping list (a good reason to start making and using one) and give her your number on that.
“We should continue this conversation over a bowl of oatmeal sometime. I know a great oatmeal place, nice but not too pretentious. Why don’t you give me your number?”
Note: this must be delivered with the appropriate air of silliness so she knows you’re joking and not actually going to take her out for oatmeal. Also, don’t take her out for oatmeal.
You could also casually mention that you’ll be going out to [location] tonight at about eight and you’d be happy to treat her to a bowl of oatmeal if she’d care to join you. That way, she doesn’t feel the pressure of a “date.”
I wouldn’t do that. Going to someone’s house for a first date - no matter how interested you are in the person - is risky. There isn’t any way I’m going over to someone’s house when I don’t know the person.
Not a woman here, but I used to pick 'em up, so does that count?
Dude, can I come over and slap you? Get the damn phone number or give her yours. If you guys had that much conversation, she’s almost 100% interested or at least won’t start screaming if you ask for the number.
You don’t have a cell phone?
At the mimimum, keep and extra business card in your wallet and ask her to email you.
GingerOfTheNorth I would have asked her to brunch too, but I was having people over to watch the game and had to go home and prepare.
BoBettie and featherlou, I dunno. All of it was offered in a casual way, and to my mind, those are some of the important things that one wants made clear at the beginning.
TokyoPlayer sure it is about the closing. But until recently I was very overweight and am not used to this situation. That’s why I’m asking… And no, I do not have a cel phone, even now when my work wants me to carry one and will pay for it.
I’ll put some business cards in my wallet. Would it be presumptious to already have my home number on the back? (would it seem like I was too prepared?)
If you were comfortable with it, that’s all that matters. I’m probably projecting my own dislike for people babbling at me while I’m shopping. Shopping is a quiet endeavour for me.
Hmm. Maybe that’s when you whip out your pen and write it on the back and offer it to the lady in question.
Everybody here keeps saying “have business cards ready” What if the OP (Like me) doesn’t own a business? or work at a job where business cards are necessary? What the hell are we supposed to put on the card that doesn’t seem tacky or make us look like we’re some kind of playa - playa ??
Fine, use someone else’s business card… and scribble out the stuff on the front of it, saying “I never used Edward Jones Investments anyhow” or something liek that.
I used to carry free tickets. They were the size of business cards and said, “Free Ticket. It isn’t good for anything, it’s just free.” Convenient because you don’t have to change them when you change jobs and funny, too.
I’ve known a number of people to just have personal cards. These are great for other things besides picking up women. What about making a new aquaintance? I meet people all the time at concerts, events, school, etc. where I want to get in contact with them. Maybe I’m chatting it up with someone and find out they’re president of a company and might be interested in my resumé. I think it would be inappropriate to give him a business card.
If you do use your business card, I do think it may look too “prepared” to have your home number already written on it. Besides, if you forget a pen, chances are she’ll have a pen in her purse.
Though, if you’re back in the market, you should seriously consider getting a cell phone. Not only do you not have these awkward “let me write down your number” deals, but you can even get the instant gratification of knowing she’s not giving you a fake number by having her call your phone, or vice versa and just saving it in your contacts. Plus, it saves you the awkwardness of forgetting her name or how to spell it
I hate people that hand out cards. and never called anyone that used them. In the DC area where I used to live, it was the standard skeevie playa move, and it just moved the guy into a bad light for me. Next time, just say sincerely, “That was the best conversation about oatmeal I’ve ever had. Do you want to go out for a chat about jell-o sometime?”
Sincere, warm, and funny always gets the girl, IMHO.
I’m not from your culture, but if a new acquaintance handed me a personal card, I’d think they were a weirdo.
Now I recall, someone did hand me a personal card last year (a Canadian dude, to give me his email address) and my reaction was “what a total douche”.
Find a pen, find a bit of paper, make a bit of fun out of it, and ask for her number.
(On review, what Flea said. Not that I ever pick up women - I just think personal cards are embarrassingly, cloyingly egotistical and carry the scent of the somewhat desperate.)
I think you should talk to her for longer before giving her your card or asking her out. Talk to her in the supermarket long enough for it to get awkward, and at that point mention how awkward it is and give her your number.
You’re not likely to get her to go out with you immediately after shopping, since she has to put away her groceries before they thaw.
Or if she’s skittish, mention that you generally shop at a particular time on a particular day, and the ball’s in her court. Maybe you’ll run into each other shopping again.
If I met a man in the market and talked to him for just a few sentences, I’d probably change my mind about calling him later. But if we had a nice conversation, I’d be much more likely to call him.
ymmv
