I knew that I’d been married too long when my husband leaned in romantically to nibble on my neck and accidentally belched. I accused him of purposely belch-zerbiting my neck, but he was so mortified, I knew he did it “accidentally.”
Boys are gross. 
I’m no better… I once jokingly leered at him, “Hey baby. Wanna lock the cats out of the bedroom?”
It’s very difficult for me to take being romantic seriously at this point in our relationship.
That’s hot. 
“Uh-oh! Looks like my pants fell off!”
"Didja like that butter thing in Last Tango?"
My wife (after me explaining to her about some Doperisms we bat around) came out of the bathroom naked and said…
“I brought pie!”
Dude, that would SO work on me–and I’m a chick!
Well, it would if she were a petite brunette… with a landing strip…
LOLOL. And I thought the classic could not be improved upon!
In the words of the esteemed Jimbo Jones: “My shirt’s chafing me.”
This isn’t quite a blatant attempt to get laid, but it is a fine example of a truly atrocious miscalculation regarding what might be perceived as romantic:
I was in the car with my BF at the time (who was really more of a f**kbuddy than a soul mate, as far as I was concerned) when he reached over and gently touched my hand.
“You know … you’re not wasting your time with me” he announced solemnly.
Puzzled, I asked for clarification.
Well," (this spoken in a magnanimous tone) “…I might marry you.”
This was such an inconceivable notion I burst out laughing.
A few months later, he was engaged to someone else. Why not me, I’ve always wondered. :rolleyes:
“So, baby…tell me…tell me you want a fistful of spooge…”
In bed with a bed-buddy and he was drunk as - I’d picked him up and taken him back to his room on campus and was keeping him warm because he was literally icy. He’s lying in his boxers and decides that the best way of seducing me (tired, cranky, currently-menstrual and crampy to boot) is to remove his boxers. The entirety of his seduction was not-so-surreptitiously pushing my hand down and smiling at me. It didn’t work. I laughed and left.
The current does this dorky-as thing where he looks at me (close proximity) and smiles. I usually pull a face. So dorky.
But I simply adore the “pants stricken from the record” one. I will be using that!
My DH once donned a tool belt and work boots…and nothing else, somehow believing that it would turn me on.
I really do love men in work boots and a tool belt, but essential to the fantasy is him working… pulling out bushes, painting the garage, putting up ceiling fans…I’m not choosy.
At the end of a blind date with a Lebanese guy (I only mention his nationality because the accent is what made this), he leaned in for a kiss. I wasn’t exactly thrilled, but I was willing to give him a polite peck. Before I knew what was happening, he had my nose in his mouth!! I withdrew, laughing and wiping my nose and thinking how badly his aim sucked, when he leaned back with a satisfied grin and said, “Oh, you like that? I do that to all my ladies!”
“…oh no, now my pants are chafin’ me.”
Years ago, I was on a first date. We seemed to get along OK, so at the end of the night, I bent over to kiss her, and she reached up to kiss me. I went south, she went west, and I ended up kissing her on her glasses.
As if that weren’t awkward enough, that was right when the train came. It was a moment of “I had a wonderful time, I’ll call you!” awkward smooch
Then we realized that we were taking the same train, so we were going to spend a little more time together until the next stop. We spent the whole time looking at our feet. When she got off, she just said bye and left, leaving me there with lips all a-pucker.
This was said to me in spanish by a girl who rode her bicicle in front of my house in Cuba. We had a huge mango tree in our front yard, and at this time the tree was full of fruit.
She stopped, looked at the tree, looked at me and said “I can’t live in this neighborhood”.
I asked her why and she answered “I would either go to jail for stealing mangos or for stealing you.”
Naturally I sat there like an idiot and just smiled. I bet we could have had some fun.
Aww, tdn.
I really should have been more clear…he didn’t just kiss my nose, he french-kissed my nose. I was being stupid, thinking it was accidental.
Yeah, I got it the first time. It made me wonder whether or not you are supposed to breathe through your mouth.
:o
:dubious:
Aw, that’s so cute.
This may not count, because I was going to have sex with the guy anyway. I was with a guy a couple of years ago and we were in my bed. I reached over to get a condom from my supplies and handed it to him. I didn’t realize it was a blue condom till he put it on. He looked down at himself and asked me, very seriously, “Do you want me to fuck you with my smurf dick?”
We had to wait till I stopped laughing to actually do it.
It worked on her.