Shit, you think I let the dude suck on my schnoz long enough to have a need to draw air? 
It’s not what I think that matters, it’s what he thought. Was there supposed to be a whole night of this sort of thing?
Having said that, I’ve been on both the giving and receiving end of a little nose licking. But my thoughts at the time were not so much “ooh, baby, you do me so fine!” as much as “WTF?!?”
That’s funny, in a strange kind of way. 'im indoors cannot imagine any kind of romantic goings on if he thinks either of the cats might be watching.
Necking in the back seat of a car, I was enticed with “I just want to feel closer to you - I won’t move it around or anything.”
To which I replied, “What the hell kind of fun is that?!”
He didn’t get any closer. And not just because the cops showed up.
Hah. I’ve met Beatle.
Seriously, at some dopefests in Houston. He was there.
“Hey, you’re naked. Want me to lock the door?” Does it everytime.
Yeah, we got along all right with the cat around at first. But the other day we were getting into it and the cat came up and started licking me. It was hilarious, but didn’t do much for the mood. Now we put him out.
They usually stay out of the way, but they have interrupted goings-on more than once. Their intently quizzical looks tend to make me laugh hysterically, so it’s best they be kept outside the boudoir.
I once dated a woman who had never experienced the Big O. She was sure that if she tried a vibrator, that would do it. It took a while to convince her to actually buy one, but eventually she did. So we took it home and she started getting busy with it. She was in the throes of “halfway there” when she looked up. Me and both her cats were all just staring at her. And not at her face. The looks on the cats’ faces was pure… astonishment.
The vibrator never saw use again.
Good thing you weren’t. Congress is about to pass a bill that would impose heavy penalties on skull fucking.
http://www.theonion.com /content/video/live_from_congress_the_skull?utm_source=videomrss_65839
I broke the link because the audio is VERY NSFW. No NSFW graphics though. Just remove the space in between .com and the / to make it work.
Watch it. It is fucking hilarious.
Ours just think it’s lovely that we’re both in bed, and this is a signal for cat-snuggle time. So they jump up, try to cuddle us, and purr.
And get thrown off with varying degrees of force.
Locking them out would involve dragging them out from under the far corner of the bed.
We can’t win.
I once dated a guy for a short time when I was about 17, and on about the second date–possible the first–he told me with a straight face that if I really loved him I would sleep with him. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I didn’t laugh, but I probably should have. Uh, no, as a matter of fact I don’t love you, I barely know you! And isn’t that line a little tired?
My dad to my mom (with all intentions of being sweet) - “You look good in the dark.”
I guy I once dated walked up to me in the quad right after I had just met him and asked, “Hey beautiful, buy ya’ a Big Mac?” He later admitted he couldn’t remember my name at the time.
Hubby now thinks its the height of funny seduction to ask, “You wouldn’t be interested in giving me a blowjob, would you?” and does his puppy dog eyed thing. It’s actually gotten to be kind of cute over the years.
Well then, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad…
Not bad. I liked the one about the panda who wants an abortion even better, though.
Hijacking slightly…our cat, Orly used to make sure she slept between the two of us as often as she could. That way she would be preventing the appearance of kittens. Obviously, she must have missed a night because Ophelia turned up about three years ago.
As long as I know I’m not just talking to myself, I’ll be ok.
I’ve yet to see the panda one, but I’ll look for it next time I’m on.
“I know you want to…because I’m Mentok, the Mind Taker!”
Well, even though I did want to, that killed it for the time it took me to stop laughing.
This one’s on me.
I once threw the covers back, and commanded, in a deep, Conan the Barbarian voice:
“Feast upon me, Woman! For I am swollen with seed!”
It worked, but I haven’t used it since. It’s good ta be da King.
As soon as this came out of my mouth, I knew I had to post it here:
‘‘My vagina would like to subscribe to your newsletter.’’