Dude wants to hook up with me. Am debating whether to do it or not

Okay, so my boytoy completely ripped out my heart and stomped that sucker flat on Saturday. He called (not even brave enough to face me!) and gave me the three classic breakup cliches:

[li]It’s not you it’s me,[/li][li]I don’t know what I want,[/li][li]and Let’s just be friends.[/li][/ul]

So that crashed and burned. Then today, while sitting in the library, this dude (whom we shall call Zoey) whom I’ve met once before, came up and started talking to me. Zoey is an odd guy, and I mean odd. He’s got this way about him that completely throws everybody off their rhythm. He flusters me and I don’t fluster easy.

“You were the one flirting with me last week,” he says.

“I was the one laughing at you last week,” I tell him.

So he asks me about my boyfriend. “He left me,” I tell him honestly. Zoey is blunt, like me. “Tell me about it,” he says, and I do. We talk for a while, he’s very witty and confident. “Okay,” he says finally, “did you sleep with him?”


“Would you?”

“I was looking forward to it. You know that old saying about how a woman knows in the first five minutes of meeting a guy whether she’ll ever sleep with him?”

“Yeah,” says Zoey.

“Well it’s true. I’d have slept with him.”

“Would you sleep with me?” he asks. I eye him up-and-down. He’s good-looking and definitely appealing. I decide I just might and tell him so.

“Well, then, why don’t we?” he says and I start laughing.

“I barely know you.”

“I’ll be honest. I’m not looking for a girlfriend. But you’re hot. And I’d rather not take you around to a few dinners, get you to thinking I love you, and then sleep with you. I’d just really like to hook up with you. So what do you think?”

I laugh some more but am a little tempted. I’ve never done anything that crazy. “If I did, I’d regret it. I’d only be doing it to hurt my ex, and he’ll never know about it, so what’s the point?”

“C’mon,” Zoey says, rolling his eyes. “You’re in college, live a little. You’d really enjoy it, I can tell. I could take you back home right now and blow your mind.”

“You think so, huh?”

“I know so. Just say yes or no.”

Part of me is tempted, but I’m emotionally unstable at the mo’ and occasionally stupid when it comes to men. Zoey’s brutal honesty about wanting to hook-up is actually rather appealing – lots of guys would declare their undying love, screw my brains out, and then never call, but he doesn’t play. I decide to err on the side of caution and say no."

This pisses him off a little but he scrawls down his phone number and passes it to me. “Call me if you change your mind.” I’m wearing a dress and don’t have any pockets, so I tuck it between my skin and my panties. He leaves. I’m still flustered. He’s an oddly hypnotic human being and I’m both flattered, repulsed, terrified and somewhat turned on. Am debating calling him for a hook up. If I do it won’t be for a while – I don’t want to do it on a breakup funk and then regret it later.

Just had to share. Damn.

Nothing wrong with a throw you to the ground no strings attached hook up…but this guy sounds like a weird creep and your feelings that he’s hypnotic speaks very very poorly about your ability to keep him at arms length. I can already see you getting attached to him then when he moves on you being upset and he’ll be able to dismiss you with “I told you it was just a hookup from the begining”

So this is a bad idea. Get some emotional stability if you still want to hook up find someone that isn’t such a weird creep that swoops in just after you’ve broken up.

And they say romance is dead…

BTW, I am a stable Atractive non creepy guy that love hooking up with hot chicks on the rebound, You can reach me at 555-STUD :smiley:

My $0.02:

Slightly creepy or not, this sounds like the most honest guy you may ever meet. He is, as you pointed out, being truthful about his intentions and saying that he really is just looking for a good time. Most guys think it, but this one is honest about it. I can’t imagine that this could be a bad thing, but I can see where hearing truth from a horny guy might throw you for a loop.

hmmm I wonder if I could have said weird creepy guy a few more times.

mental note don’t post when blood sugar is low


Quick recap.

  1. He approaches her when she’s vulnerable
  2. There’s a difference between being up front and being inappropriate
  3. She admits she has bad decision making skills with guys
  4. She admits she’s emotionally unstable and stupid when it comes to guys.
  5. he gets pissed when she doesn’t instantly fold to his will. Showing he’s at least pretty unstable himself.
  6. She’s repulsed and terrified but still turned on by him.

I read his ‘honesty’ as a predator informing his prey before hand. And you can tell she’s not the type to be able to handle a causal hook up (at least not at this point and definitely not with this guy)

I’ll second Darkhold.

Another vote for Darkhold’s wisdom.

This guy is playing you, hon. BIGtime.

*“You’re in college, live a little. You’d really enjoy it, I can tell. I could take you back home right now and blow your mind.”

“You think so, huh?”

“I know so. Just say yes or no.”*

Jeez. It’s like a clip from a bad B-movie. What are you looking for, Nichol? A quick lay or a relationship? Gee, you’re in college after all.

And the guy actually says “I could take you back home right now and blow your mind”. :slight_smile:

Yepp, it’s a movie script.

  • PW


Want to make the same bet as the other thread?

I’m guessing this guy’s phone is going to be be ringing in the next 48 hours. A week at the most. :wink:

“Want to make the same bet as the other thread?”

Nah. I think you’re right, unfortunately. :slight_smile:

  • PW

… or the beginning of a Letter to Penthouse.

Yeah, but it’s one of those movies that show in a theater in the rundown part of town in very, very dark theaters, and where they let you park in back so no one will recognize your car. I used to live across the street from one of those.

Nichol_storm, I can see how that kind of honesty would be intriguing, but honesty is often the socially inept person’s substitute for tact. If you hadn’t just had your heart tore out and stomped flat, I’d probably say what the hell, go get laid, but coming out of a breakup is definitely NOT the time to be evoking symbols of love, even if you both agree it’s “just physical.”

You’re flattered by his open declaration of attraction and intrigued by that, but it’s just evanescent attraction; if every man were as forthright about his lust, you’d have thirty guys a day offering to “blow your mind.” (Did he really say that?)

Next time you see him, tell him you appreciate the offer but you’re in a vulnerable state right now (which you are), thank him for the compliment, and move on.

Hmm, on rereading, I’m not sure you’re asking for advice, but I’ve already typed all this out, so advice is what you’re getting.

In my opinion I don’t think you should do it, but then I’ve never been one for casual sex. Doing something like this so soon after breaking up with your ex doesn’t seem like a good idea anyway. Your emotions are probably all over the place and this would just make things worse.

Zoey is a guy’s name now? I thought that Zoey was the girl (or President Bartlet’s daughter) and Fran was the girl. But maybe I’m misremembering?

Oh yeah, and if you’re not the sort to f*ck around, then don’t do this.

A very bad movie script.

I admit, back when I was unattached I used this same tactic to truly devastating results.

There’s nothing at all wrong with him saying, ‘Hey, you’re really attractive and I’d like to sleep with you. I don’t have time or interest in a long term relationship, rhough. The choice is yours’ as long as he doesn’t keep bugging you after you say ‘no’.

Sure, it may not be romantic. But in my experience the girls who said yes (this would have been high school and my first semester of college) always appreciated the forthrightness of it. And most (not all) of the ones who said ‘no’ told me they were flattered. At least 10% of the ‘no’ answers were mortally offended, though.

I think Nichol_storm is best qualified to judge whether this advance was “inappropriate” or not. She doesn’t seem to think it was, so maybe there’s some context that doesn’t come through in the post.

I’m torn. I can see both sides. On one hand, it sounds like fun, so why not just go for it. On the other hand, if you’re vulnerable, just out of a relationship and so forth, you do stand a chance of being hurt.

On the other hand (yeah, I know that’s three hands, g.f.y.), taking a chance on being hurt isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Even being hurt isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I can think of plenty of times I’ve been hurt where I can look back and say “Yeah, it was worth it.” Because of an important lesson learned, a new perspective gained, or even just because it was a lot of fun, a little hurt can sometimes be worth it. And that’s if you get hurt at all. You might not.

Zooey (with two "o"s) is a guy, at least in J.D. Salinger’s world.

(Franny & Zooey)