Mr. Lnix & I were going at it early in our relationship
He says: “is that good?”
I say: “yeah”
He says: “how good?”
This completely distracts me, what am I supposed to say? What kind of response is he looking for? I mean, how many qualifiers are there for good?
real?
extremely?
damn?
fairly?
Totally ruined the moment for me.
Borndodgy…
where there more than 2 people involved??? 
“This is how people do it. Yeahhhhhhhhhh!”
That was a boyfriend, to his dog which has wondered in the room and was whining to see it go on.
agh, too many bad memories just flooded my brain. I think the same guy said,
“Do you mind if I go get high first? I gotta do a couple hits to relax me.”
What, sex with me is so bad you need drugs to stand it?
A co-worker friend of mine (lesbian) said that her girlfriend would meow like a cat. I’m not sure if that was at the point of orgasm, or just during extreme arousal.
My sister told me of the time when she and her husband were going at it in the middle of the afternoon. The kids were at his parents, and the house was empty…so they thought. She said that she let loose with the vocalizations (can’t really do that when the littl’uns are around). I think “GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!” and similar was the phrasing.
Of course, they were not alone in the house. They were renting out their basement bedroom to a college buddy of the husband, and he had come in to do laundry instead of being out for the afternoon.
Sis tells me that she was so embarrassed! Not only do they all attend the same very conservative evangelical church, she had to go about her business with him living there! To his credit, he pretended like he never heard anything, but my sister sid there was no way he could have missed it.
Many years ago one of Squid’s friends had his girlfriend convinced that in the throes of passion she had screamed out “Conquer me, you Viking!”. We don’t know if she really said that, but he managed to make her believe that she had. I suppose it’s possible.
That sure brought back some memories. I’ve always had dogs (as PETS, not partners, before any of you wise-asses chime in with comments!!!), and sometimes they do wander in during the most inappropriate times. Two things that my dogs have made me say while having sex:
“Hey, get outta here. Quit poking me in the ass with your cold wet nose”
-and-
Me: “Ugh! I’m sorry, I think my dog farted!”
She: “How romantic. And what do you mean, you think your dog farted? Are you implying that it might be me?”
No 
You can add an Austrian accent to my sayings however…
Me English be very goot.
I am proud to say that I have finally trained my husband into not answering the damned phone during sex. Drove me nuts when he did it - he would even answer the phone if it was in the next room!
Now then… One of my friends was “performing” for a boyfriend for the first time, and he was sort of giving her directions… “Yeah baby, like that, a little faster, oh yeah, that’s just how she used to do it…”
Needless to say, the relationship was short-lived.
My first time. “What the hell is that?” followed by lots of laughter. It felt funny. Good funny, but very new and different.
Oh… first times should be recorded on tape… you could blackmale tons of ppl…
especially if both are virgins…
Talking from experience but claiming not to remember any of the said…
We were in bed together, mid-act, and she paid me a compliment:
“You’ve got a really big c*ck!”
So I decided to return the compliment:
“Well, you’ve got a really big p*ssy!”
Whoops.
LOL five…
this really demands a link to a pic I drew:
Not so much something said as something done…
We were in a motel room and the TV was on. And it started to bother me. It started to REALLY bother me, much like Oldscratch’s story of the need to know the time.
So I says “hold on a sec, ok?” and had to go turn off the TV.
I heard about it for years…
"Oh god…oh god…ohgod ohgod I’m gonna— SNEEZE! Aaaa-chooooo! Kinda ruins the moment when you spray spit all over your husband’s face. :o
That was so deliciously evil I am at a loss for further words.
Not really dumb, but really funny.
Right after my fiancee and I “finished the act”, we were lying in bed, cuddling. Suddenly, my stomach growled.
Not wanting her to think I would make rude noises and not apologize, I said, “Pardon me, I digest.”
We both couldn’t stop laughing for 5 minutes. And forget about any repeat performances that night.
This one I used in the other thread, but I just love it!
Right about at the conclusion of my “first act” (most of my plays are one act plays though). I was reaching my “peak” when she looked up at me with passion and says,
“I’m your home, come in me.”
This made me stop midstroke and I just looked at her with my mouth hanging open for a couple of seconds before bursting into laughter and collapsing on the bed.
I laughed, she cried, I felt bad. But to this day it still makes me giggle.
Sorry, the they was only one person.
BornDodgy. you are great. I can honestly say you are my favoirte soon-to-be Austrian expatriate on the the board.
I was reminded of another story. This to a friend. He was having sex with some guy he picked up, an older man. The guy, while he was going down on him, kept going “woof” in a really low voice. “wooooof” “wooooof” “oh yeah” “suck it” “woooooof”.
He told me about it the next day, and I wish I could post a sound file of his voice, because really, it had to be the funniest dog sound I’ve ever heard.
I think it comes from being rased in a home with 4 children, and the race to answer the phone. I must answer the phone, even during sex. My husbands family has always let the machine get it. I have to grit my teeth not to answer it during the act. MUST…GET…PHONE…!
Well, I’ve had some big laughs at the expense of my partners…
-
While riding one guy I was hit with the absurdity of how it might look and starting making the noise: “Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy…” He wasn’t into Animaniacs, and after I got him off, he wasn’t into me again either.
-
During what felt like a very boring session of sex with someone I was seeing I started singing: “Here I am ‘goin, massa got me workin’, gonna be free someday…” He was not amused.
-
Had porn on while being fucked and I could NOT BELIEVE how absolutely stupid the dialog was and was fighting the urge to Mist/riff on it. Held back the laughter as best I could, but then ended up breaking out in hysterical laughter when the porno said: “You know you like it, don’t you bitch.” All I could think of at that point was: “You mean it’s in?”