I’ve never seen a true porno, but all the semi-ones don’t have bad dialect, just bad plot–new girl at work, she fanasises about another guy (sex scene 1) then they go out and get naked, but she leaves (nude scene). She feels bad and goes back to boink him (sex scene 2). Though no actual sex is never shown, they do much to imply it beyond a reasonable doubt. Oh yeah, and the new girl’s friends skronk about 5 guys each during the course of this… It’s bizarre.
Arent those porns on channel 5 all the time?
I can only remember hanging around with my boyfriend one night and we had the tv on in the background - we didnt really watch - but when we got tired we turned around to find out what was going on on telly:
This strange bloke with a mustach is standing right opposite this girl - she starts going down on him … and when she is waaaaaay down - he kneels down too!!!
Dodgy girl and her boyfriend yelling at tv set: “NOOOOOO YOU FOOL!!!” or something similar.
I was just reading backwards, and I noticed Lance Turbo’s hilarious comment–, “Lance Turbo at your cervix.”
:):):D:)
that’s the best!
A classic from a dim witted friend of mine.
“You don’t have any diseases or anything do you?”
Latter he would remark that he didn’t understand why the girl wouldn’t see him anymore.
Her: Where does he want to go today? (referring to my penis, both of us naked, foreplaying)
Me: AROUND THE WORLD… What the fuck did I just say?
Her: Well, I’ll just cut it off, pack it up, and send it on it’s way.
#2:
Me: I’m gonna come!
Her: NO NOT YET!
Me: (shaking and grunting) Ahhhhhhhhhh…
Her: I can’t believe you came!!!
Me: Actually, I didn’t… just teasing!
Her: Oh really? Well, I was getting pissed so I could yell, so I’m already out of the mood.
Pendency, if your out there, you’ve got the best storY!
an acquaintance of mine once commented that the quickest way to get slapped is to be in the hold of love and say “You’re mustache is really sexy.” It works if the girl says it, but when the guy says it, he gets slapped and never spoken to again.
Do you want to TALK or do you want to FUCK?
Um, you had to be there. Think I scared him.
Hey! My girlfriend used to do to that when she was playing with my … never mind
Anyway, the dumbest thing I ever said was about ten seconds after cumming after being away from the GF for about a month and a half “That’s a great weight off my mind”.
The things one learns…
A former girlfriend had come into town for the weekend and had stopped by the house at 7:30 in the morning for “whatever”.
Well into “whatever” (missionary position) she started talking about “stuff”. Nothing romantic, nothing sexual, nothing about our relationship – just “stuff”.
With a smile and devilish grin I said, “Look, did you come here to talk or to fuck?”
That was the last time we “whatevered”. 
I had a girlfriend with a very sweet kitten.
Come on people, I’m talking about her cat! Anyway, so once we were enjoying each other’s company in a very personal sort of way, and I suddenly got clawed in the foot, right in the instep. No warning or anything. I said, “I think your cat is jealous”.
Well…I really really hate the word “GOSH”. I get chills when people say it. It’s worse than the word “panties” on my list.
Anyway, one time my ex-boyfriend was really drunk and kept saying “Gosh! You’re so beautiful! Gosh gee! GOSH! Oh baby, gosh, you’re so sexy.”
Let’s just say, he didn’t get to finish what he started.
BTW:
I nearly peed myself after reading that one. Gosh, I can’t imagine.
Gosh… I didn’t get to finish either.
[understatement]She was visibly upset…[/understatement]
I don’t remember what was actually spoken, but I think this belongs here. About 10 years ago (damn I am getting old) I had a bf with severe asthma, but I’d never seen him have an attack. I was spending the weekend alone with him for the first time. We had just checked into the hotel, dropped our bags on the floor and started going at it. I went down on him and as he tried to warn me that he was about to come he had this massive asthma attack, then he immediately started laughing, with the attack continuing. He sounded like Darth Vader with emphysema. The visual was worse, he was convulsing uncontrollably with his now flaccid parts flapping in the breeze. After I got over my initial shock at the bizarre noises coming from his body, I started laughing so hard I fell off the bed. I don’t really remember what was said after that, eventually we found his inhaler and life returned to normal, but I will never forget the noises he made, or lose the mental pictute that goes along with it. It makes me laugh to this day.
I am definitely glad he started laughing first though. I’m not sure he would have forgiven me if I’d been the only one to lose it.
My boyfriend does that too. For some reason just the sound of him saying that word or whispering it in my ear can turn me on. It is so oddly sexy. He actually recorded a tape if him saying woof over and over again to hold me over while he is in Israel. I think I’m going to go listen to it now. sigh Only 12 more days!
I had forgotten a good one…
My wife and I are into other people, but we didn’t used to be… it was something we talked about, something we discussed intellectually while having coffee.
Well, we had discussed possible people to play with, but hadn’t done anything at the time of this… incident.
Well, we were going at it, had just shifted positions (for the doggy, or whatever term you prefer) when, for some unknown reason, I started asking her questions…
“Yeah… oh, babe… wouldn’t you like to have **** back here? Ummmm… I’d like to see you with ****…”
Well, after a few moments of this, she stops moving, looks back at me (who is still moving, eyes closed, lost in my own private Idaho…) and says: “where you gonna fuck me, or parade a catalog in front of my face?”
I stop, try to get going again, and fell over laughing… she was less than thrilled.
Well…not during sex but a few minutes prior to sex…
Picture it…17 yrs old…prom night…approximately 1:30 am…necking on a blanket next to a pond in the city park…boy says to girl: “The swans won’t bother us”…
As I am sliding into home…the swans got pissed and chased with my tuxedo pants around my ankles…
**
**
Is it the vibration?
Cosmo magazine advises us girls to hum a little ditty while giving head–one of their sure-fire ways to astound a man with our sexual savvy and keep ‘im comin’ back for more.
I currently do “Yankee Doodle” & “Amazing Grace,” but will begin practicing soon and expand my repertoire to include, “Who Let The Dogs Out?”
wooof
The asthma thingy reminded me of pe lesson when some girls asked me if, with my asthma, I d ever be able to have sex.
That killed me.
LOL
“You didn’t have to do that.”
Let’s see a show of hands: who has heard/said “Oh! It hurts so good!”
For a while I was notorious for cheesy lines during the nookiness. One of my favourites was, after going at it in the park (where our friends walked up and I invited them to sit down and chat awhile), the girl and I were in an alleyway with a pair of our friends who had hooked up. She stood up, I grabbed her but-tocks and jammed her crotch into my face.
I then yelled, “Jesus Christ! Smells like Jersey!”
My friend (who was from NY) laughed his ass off. She was Canadian. Didn’t get it.