Eating from the vending machine part DEUX

The BBQ Pit
1

Long long ago I ranted about some nasty ass cheetoes blazing hot cheese doodles.

Now we’ve got a new contender for THING THAT SHAL NEVER BE CREATED BY MAN! title.

SNYDER’S of Hanover ® – CONEY ISLAND HOT DOG WITH MUSTARD flavored POTATO CHIPS.
Yes siree folks. Someone somewhere decided that we need a hot dog flavored potato chip, not just any potato chip but a hot dog with mustard flavored chip.

What in the fucking christ compels people to make shit like this?

Not only are they HOTDOG flavored, but they are hot dog flavored WITH MUSTARD.

What sort of nazi raping spooge rag eats a hotdog with only mustard. What about the onions!?!?

Luckilly, after the cheeto incident I learned by lession. Unfortunately one of the PhD’s I have lunch with… well lets just say I think the paraformaldehyde has damaged his/her brain. The bag has a picture of a rollercoaster, ferriswheel and some sort of army parachute training facility.

The bag is also pink.

The pink you get from pig uterus and other even less savory organs purreed and mixed with sawdust until you get that lovely lovely NEVER FOUND IN NATURE meat colour.

What scares me the most, is the picture of the hotdog they have.

Ya know how hotdogs are more or less rectangular solids? How they have 4 flat planels from being crammed into a package, squeezing the natural JUICES out of them? But how they go back to being round after you stew for a while in thier hotdog secretions?

Well this hotdog looks uncooked. But at the same time it has flame grilling marks on it. Like someone just branded the hotdog to simulated cooking.

So we don’t really have a cooked hotdog flavor, we have SIMULATED cooked hotdog flavor. Which considering how bad hotdogs taste cook I’m scared to think what one uncooked tastes like.

The scariest words are at the bottom of the package.

Right underneat “NO PRESERVATIVES”

girts his loins

DAIRY

Yup

Dairy

This product has dairy (by)products in it.

I’m trying to figure out how you go from hotdog flavor + potato + oil = dairy product.

The ingredient list conforms that nonfat dry milk was used.

It also assures me that “It’s a taste so authentic, you’ll almost be able to feel the ocean breeze and hear the sounds of the boardwalk”.

I should be thankful it’s not hear the sounds of the ocean and taste the boardwalk…

But then again, if it was a REAL Coney Island Hotdog, it has probably lived longer in the dirt on the boardwalk than I’ve been alive.

I’ve got this great marketing idea! You know how the state has declaired all those hotdogs the venders have been heating since 1913 to be toxic waste? Well how about we take them, grind them up and use them for a potato chip flavoring! HotDogs are FDA approved, so are potato chips! It’s brilliant! No toxic waste disposal charges, no hotdogs and profit all around!
Luckilly the package assures me that they aren’t connected with “Snyder of Berlin” – for a second there I thought this was some sort of old Nazi bioweapon program that post WWII germany never got around to cutting.
Well… I did finally try one.

Ya know when you were a kid… and you had a really NASTY corn dog? You know that greasy, waxy, faux meaty taste after you swallowed?

They’ve managed to reproduce it.

If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom. This chip is comming out of me pretty damn fast… I just can’t tell which end.

Pray for my colon

2

You live on the edge, don’t you? :slight_smile:

3

Well, this afternoon is officially a write off. We’re having a run on the restrooms from everyone trying those damn chips.

4

I’ve had similar chips before. They may have been S of H, I’m not sure. Purple bag?

IIRC, they weren’t bad. I couldn’t eat a big bag of them, but the snack size bag is just right.

Waiting for the kraut-dog chips----

5

Snyders of Hanover? I love their pretzel pieces & chips, especially the steak & onion ones. No mention of Coney Island hot dog flavor though, don’t think I’ll be trying that one.

Snyder of Berlin has some good stuff too, my favorite was the sour cream & Vidalia onion chips but it looks like they discontinued that one.

6

It’s still not as bad as what I had in England once. Quarterbackers: The American Snack! In cheeseburger and hamburger with pickle!

The cheeseburger was just eh.

But my god, I don’t know what they make hamburgers out of in England. Rotten elk? And what exactly do they pickle, kumquat?

7

I actually had their dill pickle flavored chips.

Yea yea I know…but boy if they were not DAMN GOOD! They would really go with the salt and vigar crowd looking for a bit more punch in the sour taste bud.

Stupid supermarket discontinued selling those magnificent bastards, so now my dill pickle potato chip requests just get me strange looks.

Damn my perverted taste buds!!!

8

That reminds me, never get a pickle from a vending machine unless you like your pickles extremely sour.

9

Last Friday I was slipped some shrimp flavored chip.

Thats right SHRIMP! Not pleasent.

10

Not that I disagree with most of your disgust, but…

I do.

Yuck! I hate onions! What kinda freak are YOU?

11

Are you kidding, zoid? Shrimp flavored chips are by far the greatest snack food the human mind has ever conceived.

12

Obviously I’m the freak who likes onions :slight_smile:

Granted, I don’t like mustard. Evil smelling yellow stuff. And it’s been about 10 years since I had a hotdog.

Oh god… time to go back to the mens room.

13

GAk! Gak!

What kind of heathen eats hot dogs without ketchup?!?!

You see? Thats where they went wrong.

14

CRorex don’t you know what kind of disgusting diseases you can get from vending machine food?
Wait no, you would know all about such diseases. My God man, have you no fear?

Cheers, Bippy

15

Don’t ever go to the Pickle Festival in Mt. Olive, NC then. There is always one non-pickle-yet-pickle-flavored food item for sale there. One year it was pickle-flavored potato chips. Then there was a pickle-flavored icee. I swear I saw pickle flavored ice cream at a Baptist booth once. Unholy doesn’t begin to cover it.

16

I’ve had the Coney Island Chips before. In my naiveite I assumed the hot dog on the bag was to keep with a theme and thought “Coney Island” referred to the cut of the chip or something- I would never have thought of a mustard-on-a-hot-dog-flavored chip.

This was 5 years ago. I assumed they would’ve been off the market by now, either from lack of sales or the FDA pulling em.

17

glarGH - Obviously, you’ve not been to Chicago.

In Chicago, some hot dog places don’t even HAVE ketchup, let alone put it on the dog, considering the red goo to be an affront against nature. To which I say “Chill out! It’s just lunch!”

The basic recipe there is mustard, onion, chopped tomato, relish and celery salt as the secret ingredient. The preferred dog is Vienna Beef, and they’re steamed, not boiled.

Yumm…

18

I’m just amazed that someone of CRorex’s intelligence would think this was a good, or at least not life threatening, idea.

19

The worst chip flavor I ever saw was Humpty Dumpty’s (of Maine):

Sour Cream and…

…wait for it…

…Clam.
Yep. Clam.

Hideola.

20

Using catsup on anything, from hot dogs to french fries to vanilla ice cream, is a sure sign of poor breeding and lack of education. Blecch. Everything that is wrong with American can be traced back to catsup.

And yes, I used to know someone who put catsup on his vanilla ice cream. For the sake of the human species, I was forced to kill him.