Subtitled: Have You Ever Been Mad Enough to Actually Bite a Pig?
After reading Eve’s Bat Boy and Bigfoot in Mourning: Daddy of the Weekly World News is Dead thread a couple of weeks ago paying homage to WWN editor Eddie Clontz, I got a little nostalgic. For more years than I care to count, the corny, brash & hysterical supermarket tabloid has been one of my all time favorite reads.
I can’t think of many things that have kept me entertained for as long as the Weekly World News has. I mean shit, even David Letterman’s starting to get a little stale. For some inexplicable (and probably infantile) reason, I’ve yet to find myself thinking the WWN is becoming passé.
For those of you who either:[list=a][li]Don’t do your own supermarketing, or[]Are far too sophisticated to even consider purchasing such a rag, or[]Consider reading such crap in public more embarrassing than thumbing through Playboy down at Barnes & Noble,[/list][/li]The Weekly World News is the antithesis of journalism. To sum it up in as few words as possible, it’s the King of the rag sheets, with: [ul][li]Zany headlines that probably give Rupert Murdoch wet dreams,[]Fabricated stories that Jason Blair or Janet Cooke couldn’t pen while tripping on acid,[]Crotchety advice columnists that regularly recommend castration, and of course,The subject of this thread, “The Mad Prophet of the Fourth Estate,” Ed Anger and his lunatic rants.[/ul][/li]
Ed Anger? You ask. Author of the best selling, non-fiction compilation of ‘My America’ columns:
Let’s Pave the Stupid Rainforests and Give School Teachers Stun Guns…And Other Ways to Save America
Yes that Ed Anger. Veteran, devoted husband, pro-wrestling enthusiast, roller-derby fan & former trailer-park resident. The editorialist lauded by kings and presidents alike. In fact, it was everyone’s favorite chief executive, Dick Nixon, who in 1991 blurbed
Is Ed Anger real? You ask.
To be honest, I don’t know. One urban legend identifies him as Bob Lind - the late 60’s singer / songwriter who charted with “Butterfly of Love”. Even though I can’t come up with any decent anagrams, others claim Ed Anger is just a nom’ de plume - ala Cecil. When my curiosity finally gets the best of me, perhaps I’ll write to Countess Sophia Sabak and ask her if she knows the truth.
I just recently learnedthere was a voice that went with the Ed Anger name. Even though I’ve never heard any of his obscure, college radio broadcasts, my guess is he sounded almost exactly like a genuine imitation of Michael Savage crossed with Paul Harvey.
Just about every week since my junior year in high school, Ed’s columns have been quite consistent.[list=3]
[li]They’re always funny, [/li][li]They’re always filled with sarcastic, inane rants and[/li][li]They always start the same: I’m madder than ________ with/in/at _______.[/list][/li]
With all the anger, name-calling, blind hatred, inane opinions & rage I’ve read in the SDMB Pit forum, I thought it might be a good idea to compile some new “I’m madder than…” bylines. A list that either Ed himself or other less-creative Pit posters may want to borrow from when they need to blow off steam. A public service anger reference file, if you wish. All you have to do is fill in the blanks and post them. I’ll give you a couple old ones to get you started and leave the rest up to you.
From the google archives:
(Not the most memorable, sensitive or creative stuff written, but it’ll give you an idea)
“I’m madder than a doctor with a busted golf club…”
“I’m madder than a grease monkey with a crooked dipstick…”
“I’m madder than a referee in a polka-dot shirt…”
“I’m madder than a swami with a knot in his turban…”
“I’m madder than a weightlifter with a slippery barbell…”
“I’m madder than an Italian with a soggy meatball…”
“I’m madder than a commuter with no parking spot…”
“I’m madder than a riverboat gambler with no aces up his sleeve…”
“I’m madder than LaToya Jackson at a talent contest…”
“I’m madder than a bobcat in a saltwater taffy machine…”
“I’m madder than a computer geek with a busted mouse…”
“I’m madder than a high school graduate trying to read a newspaper…”
“I’m madder than a hornet with a bent stinger…”
“I’m madder than a jungle pygmy getting hit in the head by a can of Chef Boyardee during a food drop”
“I’m madder than a mountain goat who didn’t get his royalties from Chrysler Dodge…”
“I’m madder than a religious conservative on marriage consummation night…”
“I’m madder than a Republican congressman caught having gay sex in Motel 6 …”
“I’m madder than an Aryan Nations chemist on a busman’s tour of an Iraqi milk factory…”
“I’m madder than Dan Quayle at a vegetarian spelling bee…”
“I’m madder than Lee Harvey Oswald carrying a gun filled with blanks…”
“I’m madder than Monica Lewinsky without access to the Oval Office…”
“I’m madder than OJ Simpson with nothing sharper than a butter knife…”
“I’m madder than Superman with a pocketful of kryptonite…”
So there you have it. If you’re feeling either witty or aggravated, throw an original contribution or two this way