Let me clarify here. When I speak of body language, I am not talking about playing dumb. (Hell, you can be talking about organic chemistry, and still follow my body language suggestions.) And dammit, I still didn’t say anything about giggling. Nothing is so seductive, though, as a quiet smile, accompanied by some good eye contact.
Irishman is absolutely right. Listen to him. If the guy is shy, it will take more than witty banter to make the connection. He will find ways to convince himself that you are not really interested in him. He will fear rejection. You need to show him that you are interested romantically. You can use the direct approach , and just tell him (which I guarantee he will appreciate), or you can use body language to let him know.
Otherwise, you risk falling into the dreaded “friend” zone.
Update: I showed up early for class, he showed up late. I didn’t get to talk to him before class, and as soon as the professor announced that we should pick dates for our presentation, the other chick was on him faster’n Delta Burke on a cheese cake. Damn.
Back to square one, huh? I do think he was listening when I was talking about the Zaptistas with this other chick, which lead to a discussion about how Rage Against the Machine is all talk and no political action with another guy. At least he knows I’m not stupid like the chick he’s working with. (she’s blonde, her name is Heather.) Jealous? Moi? NEVER.
Truth is, we are all humans with all manner of faults. There can be no one “perfect plan”. Its just you and him, and fate, and timing . . . oh yeah, and chemistry. Things work, the pistons fire, and you know you have a chance. Things do not work out . . . you will get other chances.
SwimmingRiddles - A riddle for you right there…swimming in vermont? I do hope that it is an indoor pool, at least in the winter.
I have to agree with many others here, after seeing your picture and ‘listening’ to you converse here, I’d say how could any hetro-friendly male not find you attractive? As for suggestions on how to approach him. Do you and he see each other on campus ever? Does he eat in the school food zone? If he does, just join him, and start small talk if he doesn’t say no to your request to join him. In fact, I’d say try to meet him outside of the class, fewer distractions.
>>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.<<
Well, since your chance to be sly about it got overridden, looks like you have to be bold and direct before she has a chance to work the strategy we all had planned out for you.
So let her work on the project with him, but ask him out on a date after class. Obviously she’s going to be spending a lot of class-mandated time with him, but make him feel distracted thinking about your upcoming date while he’s with her working on school stuff.
And if that doesn’t work, what are you doing saturday?
There is one safeguard known generally to the wise, which is an advantage and security to all,
but especially to democracies as against despots. What is it? Distrust.
– Demosthenes
I being one of those few who are compeletly shy, with a general lack of selfconfidence, would find any reason to justify someone not liking me. Especially if the person was intelligent. “She only said that because … blah blah balh”
Be yourself but be agressive, I think that blurting it out would be good. I have a crush on a girl right now, and I can’t tell her. I try to give her signals… but i’m horrible So just go talk to him for a few minutes… “rage against the machine yeah … sure… um… I think it’d be fun if we went out” That’d work wonders on me. I dunno, like i said I’m horrible
I wouldn’t discount Spoke’s suggestion. Body language can be a useful way to clue him in, and show him you’re interested. As long as it’s something you are comfortable with, and you are being yourself.
But don’t rely on it solely - because if the guy is as shy as you say, he could take it the wrong way, or find some excuse to brush it off. I know from whence I speak.
At some point you have to be ludicrously obvious. Not necessarily lewd or crude, but direct.
Just catch him in the hallway after class and say, “Hey, would you like to do lunch? We can discuss the finer points of _____. Or we could just make out.” Okay, maybe not that last line, but it would sure work on me.
Do guys have a “friend zone”? I don’t think they do, in the same way women do. I think with a guy as long as he’s not hooked up (and some of them even if they are) and she’s cute, even if it comes out of left field he’ll think, “Sure, I’ll give it a try.” Kinda like “When Harry Met Sally” where Billy Crystal talks about how men cannot be just friends with women they find attractive. There’s always that sexual tension boiling under the surface. Looking for an opportunity to pop out.
SwimmingRiddles updated:
Sorry. Guess the subtle approach is out.
Here’s another thought to try. Go up to him and say, “I was thinking of throwing a party for a few close friends, would you like to come?” When he asks who all will be there, say “I was thinking me, you, some background music, and a pizza.” Or whatever food choice you prefer. Don’t know if it would work, don’t know if you would feel comfortable saying something like that. I sure wouldn’t. I know, very helpful of me to suggest something I probably would never do myself.
Just strike up a conversation with him. Tell him you like his hair, shirt today.
Ask him, “Would you like to hang out sometime.” I can get half the women in the world with this technique (not that I would want all of them).
Well, good luck --Mike
If at first you don’t succeed you’re about average.
But if a guy’s wearing a hair shirt, he’s probably taken a vow of celibacy…
“His eyes are as green as a fresh-pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard,
I wish he was mine, he’s really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.”
Thanks for the hair shirt tip, I knew there was something else to keep in mind.
Thanks for all the suggestions. I suck at flirting, and generally get shy and stupid when I am dealing with someone I have a crush on, which is basically the antithesis of who I am usually. (volume control? Moi?) So it’s easy for the crushees to assume that I don’t like them, not that I am shy around them. Must…defeat…powers…of…shyness.
Add to that being the guy and therefore the one expected to make the first move, and you’ve just described me.
And then there’s the times I misread signals and think she’s interested when she’s just being polite. sigh
I’m right there with you, feeling your pain.
(That’s one reason I’m playing in the Flirting thread. I’m able to say all those things that I can’t say with a straight face. I’m laughing myself silly with the lines rolling off my keyboard.)
Try smiling. That is a great way to signal interest. Eye-batting may be over the top. (I’ve never actually witnessed that to occur.)
So just go talk to him for a few minutes… “rage against the machine yeah … sure… um… I think it’d be fun if we went out” That’d work wonders on me. I dunno, like i said I’m horrible