Ever had one of those lines you considered a ‘tension breaker’? A line to totally either shut up ppl or to make them laugh. That above is one of my faves…
A few more…
“Hey be happy you can stand up and say you have never been caught driving without pants…”
“My head is 50% great ideas and witty reparte, 15% daily thoughts, and the rest smooth creamy butterscotch pudding.”
Post your own for my amusement. Those that confuse or annoy me shall have their posters taken away and summerily boiled.
"Two seagulls were flying over St. Louis, and then one of them looks down and says, “Look, Charles, Chicago!’”
Works almost every time. For the rare occasions that it doesn’t, I just whip out a Simpsons quote, Monty Python quote, or start singing Pink Elephants On Parade.
[sub]Hippity-hoppity…[/sub]
::blinks:: So, should I assume this isn’t the VD thread?
Nope…just a handy attention getter
i’ve always liked yelling at the top of my lungs, I HAVE GREEN SHIT GROWING ON MY BALLS!!. if that doesn’t get a response, i don’t know what to tell you.
“…meanwhile, back at the ranch, granny and Ellie were beating off the Indians, but they just kept coming and coming!”
::: looks at Freyr suspiciously :::::
You worry me.
“No, officer, I don’t have a criminal record… but they haven’t found the bodies yet.”
Elly (with a ** Y ** thank gawd.
In the morning, there’ll be a bill on your desk for the cost of cleaning the Pepsi off my monitor. 
Heh, I’m always filling in dead spots in conversation.
“So the other day I was sitting under a tree, you know, just chilling and thinking about life, when suddenly I realized what it’s all about! But then the tree fell on me, and I forgot.”
Or sometimes I’ll just start channeling Kurt Cobain.
When I was younger, it was this:
“What are you doing naked with that bowl of Jell-o?!”
Now I’m old. And Demure.
Dang! I had a couple of questions for Elvis that I could only ask in private, but I guess I’ll never know the answer now.
** Racinchikki **
I do that too…throw in a Nirvana lyric during dead spots.
With me and the Girls, every so often if things get too quiet/serious, I’ll say my favorite line from ** Pee Wee’s Big Adventure **
"I’ll say! I’m going to go start a paper route, RIGHT NOW!’
We also occasionally throw in a random ** Jerky Boys ** quote like…
" Hello. Jack’s Pickles and Penis Pumps!"
Damn, that’s too bad. [sub]throws away the jello.[/sub]
“…Seriously! Studies have shown that goats actually like it!”
And if someone askes further, I reply “grass”
A friend of mine has a habit of saying “tension breakers” like “My mother died three years ago” just to make situations even more awkward.
the best one involes my favorite quote:
“Remember! give a man a fire, he’s warm for a night; set a man on fire, and he’s warm for the rest of his life!”
it is also good for determining possible friend material, i’ve found. just say it, and if they laugh, then whoever it is could become a friend. or they could just be a homicidal maniac…
[sub]but a FRENDLY homicidal maniac![/sub]
"Elvis is talking through my penis again… "
If John Edwards was smart he’d use that line to promote his dumbass “Crossing Over” show.
Not sure this really qualifies, but at the end of every movie my great-grandmother saw, she would say, “And then, the cows got out.”
Especially effective after a dramatic flick.
Bless her non-sequitur-laden, Scandinavian humor.
NEVER throw away Jell-o. Even if I’m old and demure and don’t say that anymore…