My son, who will turn 12 next week, told me tonight that he wants to go live with his father.
It has been a perfectly awful day. It started at 11:45 a.m. when his English teacher called me at work to tell me that my son once again failed to bring his homework to class. This is only something I recently learned. His grades have been much lower this school year. I’ve implemented new “study hours” from 3:30-5:30 p.m. every day when he does homework and the television stays off. I’ve encouraged him to bring his books home each day and have checked his homework. However, he has gone to great lengths to lie and deceive me about the assigned homework, his progress in the classes, and test scores. I had previously requested a parent-teacher conference but the counselor had never called back with a date. It was only yesterday when I saw the aforementioned teacher in our hometown did I approach her with my concerns.
So, she calls to tell me he doesn’t have the homework he swore the night before was never assigned. Then an hour later, another teacher, this one Social Studies, calls to tell me that she ran into the other teacher who informed her of my “need to know” policy. She was calling to inform me that she believed my son had forged his grandmother’s name on a deficiency report. She faxed me a copy of the report, and indeed, the child did sign his grandmother’s name.
It is important to point out that his teachers referred to him as “incredibly bright,” “very intelligent,” and “capable.” However, the words “lazy” and “unmotivated” were also mentioned.
All day I have obsessed over this child’s grades and the fact that he can be so dishonest and deceptive. And then tonight, when I confronted him after a long day at the office, he tells me he doesn’t want to live with me, he wants to live with his dad.
Part of me wants him to go (five hours away from here). I’m tired of the continual fighting about his grades and the lying. Part of me can’t stand the thought of what living with his absent, ineffective father will do to him.
I feel emotionally drained. Exhausted. But I also feel like I’m being blackmailed by my own son. He’s holding me hostage with his threats to live with his father. Could I live with myself if he went to live with him? Probably but I’d be miserable without him and would feel like a parental failure.
I don’t know what to do or where to turn. This is my avenue to express my fears, frustrations, and emotions; I was hoping other Dopers would have some advice.
Thanks in advance.